Horse Parade

I was sitting on the edge of my bed, completely naked, and the girl was completely naked, the blanket covering her body to her shoulders. She was sleeping, and it was 10 in the morning. It was hot, the worst kind of hot. I tried to get up, and open the window. As soon as I got up, the inside of my head burst in a thousand of tiny explosions inside my skull. I made a groaning sound, as my head was a bobble-head for a good minute and a half. I made it to the window, opened it. The sun was shining remorselessly bright, and underneath it I felt as if someone set my head on fire. I stepped back from the light, leaving the window open. It was only when I fell back on the bed, that I that the air coming in was even hotter and more humid. I gave up, and just lay there like a sucker, and the carousel in my head was going at it.

"What time is it?" the girl's raspy voice arose from my right.

"Somewhere about ten-thirty," I said to her, and lit up a cigarette that I found on the drawer.

"Oh, my!" she sat up so swift, it made me nauseous, "I just remembered, I was gonna go see the horses!"

"The horses?"

"Yeah, the horses!" she said, reaching over me for the other cigarette, unveiling a wonderful sight of her breasts right above my head. Lost in my own thoughts, my mouth just repeated the question.

"The horses?"

"They're having a Horse Parade all along the 20th street at noon," she lit up, puffed, and two flakes of ashes landed on my stomach, but I cared for none of that.

"The hell are they doing a horse parade for?" I asked.

"Why, I don't know!" she chuckled, "It's gonna be fun is what I know!"

"What fun is it to see a bunch of pansies riding their goddamn horses down the street, blocking the traffic and fillin' up the air with the sweet scent of literal shit?" I was still watching the ceiling, but I could tell she rolled her eyes. I persisted. "You do realize how much actual shit will be dropped shamelessly all across the street? And what are the horses in the back are gonna do? Step in it, as they produce one of their own heaps?"

"Jesus Christ, you don't have to put it like that, younno..."

She put out her cigarette, and went for another one, again, stretching her beauty over me. I got lost in my thoughts again, and God knows, right there I felt way better than I would in any part of any corner of this world. I stayed there even after she was back on her side of the bed. The beautiful sight of hers has pulled a sweet hypnosis on my everything, as I lay there, smiling at the ceiling like an idiot. For a couple of longest moments I was blissfully stunned, until she asked me if I wanted to go to the goddamn thing with her. Snapped out shamelessly, I collected the remains of that sight in my head, and tried to come up with an excuse, when suddenly my phone rang, and sweet Jesus...thank you!

"Yeah?" I answered the phone, thinking of ways to buy more time for the excuse.

"Hey, Paul. It's Lenny!" he said in an overly-excited manner. Lenny-boy was the other bartender at the watering hole on 47th.

"Howya fellin' today? Crazy night, huh!" He kept up with the enthusiasm, and i could tell he was about to ask me a favor.

"Fuck you." I said to whatever it was.

"Sure..." I could tell him taking a deep breath in through the phone, "So, listen uh...could ya take my shift today?"

"Yeah, what happened?"

"It's just that I gotta go see that swell gal from last week. Remember Angie? The one with a bop and a killer body?"

"Yeah, yeah...that's sweet," I tried to speak neutral, for a dame was in the room with me, "Whatcha need to do that for in the middle of the afternoon?"

"Ah, it's just, younno...she wants to see some fucking Horse Parade on fifth avenue, or whatever."

"Jesus..."

"So I promised to take her there. But only then I realized it wasn't Tuesday. Now if I don't take her there today, I'm fucked...you know how it is..." he stretched the last syllable to give off a begging tone.

"Man, I'm having a goddamn parade of my own. And it's going in my head, and it's strong! I mean, they got everything over there, the marching band, the Chinese fireworks, and hundreds of crying babies, you know what I mean?"

"Ah, come on, man!" his voice got higher with each exclamation, "Listen, I'll make it up to ya, I promise. You know I always keep my promises!"

"Yeah, at what expense..." I opened my mouth wide to groan, but made no sound, "Fine, I'll be there in...whatever, twenty minutes."

"Ah, my sweet little a..."

I hung up the phone before he could finish the goddamn line. I sat up, begging the angels and the demons to help me locate the Alka Seltzer. Trudging, or rather crawling around the room, I got to the drug cabinet, and fixed myself an upcoming relief. Chugging it down, just as I thought that the girl must've forgotten about her proposition, she started at it again.

"So?" she said

"Oh, angel...Oh, sweet little angel..." I added some romantic tone to my voice, but it faded as quick as it came, "I can't make it. I gotta take my pal's shift today. He's going to that horse thing too, with a lady."

"Well, good for him..." she put on a wistful look, and stared out the window, not saying a word, which made me feel kind of bad, so I spoke:

"Well, you know...After that parade thing, you can hit the bar if you want to," as I spoke, I located my pants and my shirt, "I'll be there till three in the morning anyways."

"Yeah, maybe...we'll see..."

"Very well!" I put on a car-dealer's smile, and kissed her on the cheek, "I'll see you around."

I rushed down the staircase, got out the door, and stepped into the flames of the outside, whistling along. Though the whistling stopped giving much joy five minutes later in the heat and I swear to God I could tell the smell of manure coming up all across the city. I picked up the pace, trying to not give much thought to anything, and not much longer I was inside the bar.

The usual eleven-in-the-morning setting: our beautiful regulars, stale smell of smoke and lumber, music dialed down. I exchanged greetings with our wonderful ambassadors, and everyone was as happy as ever to see me. Yet, not as happy as Lenny. He was standing at the bar, all dolled up and a smile of a million goddamn stars.

"Oh my sweet little angel!" the bastard actually did it, "Ah, thanks man! You're saving my life!"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever..." I said, rubbing my temples, "fix me a beer, will ya?"

"Sure thing!"

I got behind the bar, still hungover, still partly oblivious, but at least Lenny had taken his excitement outside and down the street, and I had a beer in my hand.

Couple of hours passed, and the crowd was easy. At this time of day there's barely anyone, and those who are there, are just there for a fix. I had a couple of beers myself and it was better that way. Me and a bunch these beautiful boozebags were like an old married couple. No talking, no smiling, no hello, no goodbye, no nothing. I heard the music play just loud enough to scare away the thoughts of shit scattered all along the fifth. All it was good, up until some lady of about twenty-five burst inside with the energy much not appreciated in a peaceful watering hole. She had blonde hair and crazy eyes, which is always a bad mix.

"Hey, I'm here to see Lenny," she said, sitting down at the bar.

"Care for a drink?" I asked her with a smile that i thought no one could resist.

"I gotta find Lenny," how wrong I was about my charm, apparently, "is he in?"

"Lenny ain't here," I answered with more seriousness

"Then where is he!?" she almost shouted, and the shout had found its way inside my head to resonate like I was underneath a church bell.

"Alright, alright..." I rasped up my voice, "listen, I don't know where he is, but i got a couple ideas of where he might be..." I lied like a motherfucker, "but first thing's first: once you come in and sit down, you oughtta have a drink. We can talk it over without disturbing anyone else."

That seemed to work. She sighed, and asked for a beer. I thought it was nice. I always liked a beautiful woman having a cold one. How the hell did I end up liking her, god only knows. Must've been somewhere between her barging in, and walking up to the bar. She took a sip, and I started:

"What's happened between you two, may I ask?"

"You sure you don't know where he is right now?"

"Okay, now..." I backed up, but persisted, "Lenny's my pal, I know Lenny. You, on the other hand, I do not know..." I smoked up, "so i think it is fair of me to find out what your business is with Lenny, am I right?"

"Well did you know that he stole my cat!?" she almost shouted again, and i almost chuckled.

"A cat?" I asked, not believing my own ears.

"Yes, a cat," she set her crazy two on me, "he stole my goddamn cat! This morning I saw him in my yard with kitty treats, can you imagine? Next thing I know, he's running away for his life, holding something in his hands."

"And your cat was gone..." I finished the sentence, so that she'd have time to take a sip.

"Yes..." she took two full sips, "now, do you know where he is right now? Cause I'm about to call the cops on him."

"Why didn't you do that in the first place?" I drank up, delighted with my stoicism.

"You said you knew where he was, right?"

"Did i?" for some stupid reason I decided to play stupid, and my-oh-my...

She stood up, reached in her purse, and pulled a gun at me. The eyes crazy as ever, and I'm scared shitless...but pretty drunk by then though.

"Now listen here, asshole..."  she pointed the barrel at my stupid face, "I ain't lettin' no one hurt.."

BANG! Her sentence never finished, but the bullet was in my head.

I'm wasn't sure whether she intended to shoot me, or it was an accident. All I knew that the bitch was crazy, and I died slightly drunk. But, a peculiar thing occurred after that.

Somehow, I was back in the bar, five seconds after the bang, feeling fresh and crisp, like I haven't felt for a very long time. I saw our beautiful regulars scared shitless, some of them running out the bar, some of them hiding under the tables. But the most scared was the blonde crazy bitch. Right then, when I saw her eyes bulge out of her sockets, her body shiver, I knew she shot me by accident. I saw the police take her away. She didn't try to run or resist, her head seemed to be launched in outer space with little chance to come back soon. They took my body, and eventually, everyone was gone.

I turned on the TV. It was showing the news.

"A CAT TRAMPLED BY THE HORSES ON HORSE PARADE"

"Huh" was all I could vocalize.

I turned the TV off, opened a cold one, and waited for Lenny to show up. Hell, I thought, maybe the girl of his would care to come over too. And that sweet angel too. Who knows?