Impossible Bride ( Bible Study to the Rescue )
They met at a bible study group. Two single people not even looking for love but for God. Perhaps it was fate that brought them to the meetings at that time. Or perhaps it was the Gods. Jeremy was there because his track record with finding dates was atrocious and if he could find a religious girl perhaps he would be less intimidated. Jeremy did not believe in love at first sight, but he was attracted to Shirley almost immediately and though he wanted to get to know her, he did not want to look too eager.
‘This,’ Brad had told him, ‘was key to a lasting relationship.’ Brad was also still very single so perhaps not the best tutor. Shirley, who had been told by her ultra strict parents that she needed to find a good man, located this bible study group for her, in hopes that their eldest would finally think about leaving the nest.
Like most introverted teens, both Jeremy and Shirley led quieter lives than some of their school chums, who found high school to be a wonderful environment. They were the kids who studied and sat on the sidelines. They were not athletic or remotely interested in parties or dating. Also, post secondary education was also much less exciting as they enrolled in their town college rather than going away for the independent university experience, like most teens. Living at home with family was not the experience most young people want, but for Jeremy and Shirley it was safe and predictable.
Shirley was the eldest of five girls in her family so the strict policies her parents drew out, were not in her favour as she grew into the teen years. As the first to experience the freedoms of adolescence, or in her case, the dribs and drabs of what they considered freedoms came late and slowly. She was not allowed any overnights with friends until she was sixteen, and as a result, she did not experience this because girls her age were already dating boys. When it came to boys, she was not allowed to date till she was eighteen. You’d think she would have protested but Shirley was quite happy with these restrictions, as she was a little frightened of boys. They were awkward and smelly creatures, and when they were not, they were even more of a concern because they might want to kiss her, and kissing led to pregnancy so she was happy to live at home with her parents for as long as she could. Her parents were becoming a little concerned that Shirley might be a part of their retirement plans and therefore suggested she go to this bible study class.
Jeremy was not your typical geek in that he was not academically gifted but he did have an ability to sketch and draw and after college he entered the world of animation. He was gainfully employed by the time he was twenty-three and he chose Pixar, the leader in animated movies around the world. He’d moved into his first flat and though he found living alone a good step toward independence, his shyness was still an issue and he was still socially awkward. He did attempt the bar scene but found it a challenge as he hated the cramped quarters that were typical in pubs but more than that, he hated the obscenely loud music. It physically hurt his ears.
If it were not for Brad’s father who was ex military, and a widower for years, Jeremy might have remained a virgin all his life. Upon reaching the age of 15 both Jeremy and his best friend, Brad, an equally introverted wall flower, were introduced to Madame Genevieve, a fifty year old prostitute, who taught them both the gift of proper love making. Madame Genevieve, though no longer youthful, had experience and an innate understanding of the needs of men and more importantly, she taught them about women’s needs.
At first Jeremy thought that Shirley was simply too pretty for him, and he tried not to make eye contact but the other people in the group were older. There were lots of couples in their fifties who just wanted to reconnect with God, find their path, and Jeremy felt a little silly thinking this bible study group might get him a date but then there was Shirley, who always showed up alone. Shirley was thin, conservatively dressed in loose clothing, and sweaters, the cardigan type. Her hair was straight and limp and her complexion pale. She never wore makeup but she really didn’t need to he thought. This would be the perfect girl to date and so he sat down next to her at the following meeting. He had rehearsed lines that he thought might be good openers and finally he just said hello, which was lame, but effective.
Shirley did not consider Jeremy as a possible partner because she thought he was interested in the priesthood. Why else would he be here? And she just needed to be out of the house to appease her parents. She knew she’d have to find her own place eventually, but that too, was a bit scary, so she opted to give the whole bible study group a try, she’d ease into her own place eventually, just not right now.
At the second meeting, Jeremy told her, that if he was Noah, he’d definitely ask her to join him on his ark, she didn’t know what to say or think. She snorted out a laugh and blurted out, that she’d consider it but he’d have to get rid to the rats because she didn’t think she could stand that.
They continued going to bible study and soon they were dating. Coffee dates led to lunch and finally dinner and movie nights. After a few months, a date was set for their wedding. Though their intimacy was limited, Jeremy wanted to make sure that Shirley didn’t feel pressured so he decided that marriage was one way to make sure he would win the lovely Shirley. The most they’d managed was long kisses and even the occasional petting but Shirley was guarded and needed more time. Shirley was a bit surprised that things had moved so quickly but she thought it would be an easy adjustment to go from her parent’s home to Jeremy’s flat, so she said, “yes.”
Their wedding was small and Jeremy had arranged a getaway to a Caribbean island the following week. He was anticipating a wonderful night of intimacy but he could see that Shirley was exhausted after the long wedding day. The following night however when Jeremy came into the bedroom, he found his new wife already sitting on the bed and she had a worried look on her face.
“Sweetheart,” Jeremy began, “there’s nothing to worry about. I will be gentle.”
“Oh, Jeremy, I’m not worried about having sex with you, its just that your breath is really vile. It’s been a problem for about a week but it is getting really severe and I’m afraid I might throw up if I’m too close to you.”
“What,” asked Jeremy appalled, “my breath doesn’t smell,” he said, now cupping his hand to his mouth, breathing into it and smelling it, to check for himself. “I don’t smell anything at all.”
“Really? You think I’m imagining it,” she asked nervously, almost embarrassed.
“Well, no, I doubt it. Listen, I’ll check with my dentist to see if there is something going on that I can’t detect,” he said. “Am I really that bad?”
“No, its okay, but could you please just turn on your side,” she asked shyly.
Jeremy kept checking his breath every few minutes, not understanding why he couldn’t detect a horrible smell, nothing in his mouth hurt, and although he didn’t mind waiting for their first sexual encounter, he was beginning to wonder if Shirley was developing an insecurity or phobia. When he called his dentist, he found out that the first available appointment would be in two weeks, which was unacceptable, but he didn’t have pain so it was not an emergency.
Jeremy decided to ask his best friend, Brad if his breath was indeed foul. It was embarrassing but he just had to know.
“Nope, I don’t smell anything foul,” he said confidently, “why do you ask?”
Jeremy didn’t want to get into a big conversation about it, so he said, “Oh I don’t know, I just wanted the wedding night to be special, you know?”
“What? You mean you haven’t done it yet? What you waiting for mate? Christmas?”
At this Jeremy felt he had to explain which made it sound even weirder, having to say it said out loud.
After a few minutes of pondering on the situation, Brad remarked, “I think I might know what you can do. Remember Madame?”
“ Sure I remember her, but what has that got to do with my problem with Shirley?” Jeremy was becoming impatient.
“Just one word,” said Brad seriously, “cunnilingus.”
Jeremy’s eyebrows almost touched his hairline, “What?”
Jeremy was quite aware what the word meant, as Madame Genevieve had taught him well, but he had not entertained using this technique on his new virgin bride.
“Women love that,” said Brad as if he was some kind of sex therapist.
“Really? Well, yes, I guess they do,” Jeremy was remembering how much pleasure it seemed to bring. “Hmm, well, yes, that is certainly worth a try but I’m afraid my wife won’t let me near her as she thinks I have a cavity or something.”
“Well, that’s easy,” said Brad casually, “just don’t go near her face, put the blankets over your head, that way she won’t smell anything and the tactile pleasure will take over”
It was odd, how Brad just seemed to know these things. Jeremy had never thought of him as a casa nova.
“You know, it’s worth a try. Thanks Brad, I sure hope this works.” Jeremy felt a bit overwhelmed but now he also felt like he had an option.
That evening Jeremy talked to his wife from the other side of the dinner table to make sure she didn’t smell anything odd.
Jeremy slowly laid out his plan to Shirley, who was a bit nervous but not excessively so, as she wanted to make her new husband, happy. When she got into their bed and awaited Jeremy she felt both nervous and excited at the same time. She knew little about sex, except for things she’d read in books, as her mother was truly uncomfortable speaking about anything involving reproduction, let alone sex.
When Jeremy came into the bedroom, he went straight under the covers from the foot of the bed and began touching his wife’s body. This was certainly not the way he had imagined his first night with his bride. He tried to remember the importance of touch and gentleness that he’d learned years before. He moved his hands over her thighs and tummy and gently removed her panties. He could feel his own excitement growing.
Shirley was pleasantly surprised at how aroused she was getting feeling Jeremy’s hands gently touch her. Although, there was a faint odor of foul breath in the air it was certainly easily ignored.
It was quite suffocating being under those covers but Jeremy decided he needed to make sure his wife was satisfied. Shirley began to moan, which gave Jeremy more energy to perform. The moans grew in intensity, until finally she was so loud that the people in the next apartment must have heard her but Jeremy did not stop until she screamed at a decibel that Jeremy had never heard from her. Her body suddenly tensed and then slumped and Jeremy knew she’d had an orgasm.
Wow, thought Jeremy, this is great, I mean how many men can give their wives an orgasm the first time they have sex he wondered. The unfortunate thing for Jeremy was that he was quite excited and had to figure out how to release himself.
After he returned from the bathroom, Shirley was flushed and spent but she smiled like a Cheshire cat, “That was really great,” she purred, “can we do that again tomorrow night?” Jeremy was just so grateful that she hadn’t said anything about his awful breath that he smiled and flopped his sweaty body down on the bed turning his back to her to make sure that she wouldn’t find him offensive.
The following night, Shirley was waiting for her husband who was going to try to make the prior evening look mild in comparison. Again, Shirley noted the smell in the room but she was certainly not going to tell her husband anything and instead she closed her eyes and waited expectantly for his touch, his hands and finally his mouth. Jeremy managed to slow his technique down to prolong the sensations for his wife and thus was able to give her more than one orgasm.
This continued for a few more days, when Jeremy finally decided he was going to kiss her afterwards to try and break the spell his wife had been under. By now, Shirley was a prisoner of lust, and she felt fortunate indeed to be married to Jeremy. How had she not known about this before? Yes, she could still detect a foul smell in the room but she could deal with that. That night after Jeremy had completely satisfied her, he crawled out from under the covers and quickly threw himself on top of her giving her a deep kiss.
She was so surprised that she pulled him towards her again. How could he arouse her so quickly again, she wondered. Jeremy looked into his wife’s eyes and smiled.
“Happy?” He asked quietly.
“Unbelievably,” she sighed.
“Great,” he said softly, “tomorrow we’ll get you to the dentist. I think you have a cavity!”