Your fate is sealed… in a blue envelope

I turned the envelope over in my hands. A sealed blue envelope, just my name, Randal, written neatly, in unfamiliar handwriting, in marker on the front.

That’s how I knew it was official, the real deal, something I shouldn’t be holding. No one called me Randal. Not unless I was in trouble or they were reading my name off a list. And then it was usually Randal Ann, to be sure everyone around knew I was a girl. To anyone who’d ever met me, I was Rand.

I stared at the envelope. I couldn’t take my eyes off it. Couldn’t put it back where I’d found it, sitting innocently in Dad’s sock drawer.

Just like my dad to find the least creative hiding spot for something important. And just like me to stumble across something I shouldn’t have by going in a place I never went. Of course I’d look to borrow a pair of big, warm socks when Dad had something hiding in that drawer.

Of course I’d heard of these blue envelopes. All the kids had. They were shrouded in so much secrecy and mystery it was hard to know whether or not they were real.

Everyone knew you learned your fate on your fifteenth birthday. That wasn’t a secret. But how you learned your fate, that was the mystery.

We all understood we’d be sworn to secrecy. You swore an oath that you would not reveal your fate to anyone. Not your parents, not your best friend, not your dog. The only other person who knew your fate was the Thirty-one who had envisioned it for you. But that was a secret, too.

So you couldn’t tell anyone your fate. And the only other person who knew your fate, you didn’t know who that was. Some mysterious thirty-one-year-old who had envisioned your fate back on their sixteenth birthday - just one year after receiving their own fate.

I turned the envelope over in my hands again, my finger dancing along the edge of the sealed flap. My mind drifted to the upcoming events of my fifteenth birthday. More mystery.

You go away on your fifteenth. For two years. One to accept your fate and learn about envisioning the fate of someone else. One to accept the fate you predicted for some helpless baby.

To say I wasn’t ready was an understatement of the highest order.

Vi’s fifteenth was two weeks ago. She’s a month older than me. When we were little, it seemed like nothing - just a month apart. Now, though. It’s been torture not seeing her every day. Not knowing her fate. Not knowing where she is. Not knowing if I’ll see her again for two years. Or, worse, if I do see her sooner, if things will be different.

Vi’s been my best friend since we were Sevens. Me tall, her short. Me fair, her dark. My glasses, her perfect vision. Mydresses, her overalls. Still, we were best friends from the start. Inseparable for the last seven years.

The bright blue of the envelope drew my attention away from my thoughts, away from Vi.

My finger had been sliding across the seal. There was no weak point. If I opened it, it was open. There would be no hiding it.

Wait. No. What was I thinking? I couldn’t open my envelope now. My fifteenth was just two weeks away. I had to wait until then. I wasn’t ready to learn my fate now anyway. Was I?

My thoughts drifted back to Vi, to her fate. What was her fate? Had she been excited or scared? Was it good or bad? How was it even written? Was it clear? Did you have to decipher something?

It wouldn’t be so bad to learn my fate early. Would it?

No. Out of the question.

Mom and Dad would know. They’d see the envelope open. There would be consequences.

There were always consequences - especially when it came to your fate. If you told someone your fate. If you tried to escape wherever you went when you were a Fifteen. Or a Sixteen. 

At least, there were rumors of consequences. So much secrecy. So much uncertainty.

I stared back down at the envelope and took a deep breath. 

What’s the worst that could happen? Really?

I’d just get sent away to the other Fifteens early, right? That wouldn’t be so bad.

Or, what if it wasn’t that? But what else could they do?

My curiosity was getting the better of me. My fate had been occupying my mind since Vi went away. I couldn’t focus on anything else. My mind drifted to her constantly. And Jacks and Kel and Tim. All my friends who had already gone away.

Did everyone really keep their fates secret? How could they stick us all together and expect us not to talk, not to tell each other?

Unless… Unless we didn’t go away together. That possibility hadn’t occurred to me before.

I began to panic.

That couldn’t be. I wouldn’t be all on my own for two years. That didn’t make sense. The system couldn’t work that way. I’d see my friends again soon. Wouldn’t I?

As my mind raced, my finger slipped and I tore open the corner of the seal. 

Without thinking, I tore into the envelope, sliding my finger under the length of the flap.

I pulled out a flat blue card. Again, my name in marker on one side. My whole body stiffened at seeing my full name.

Before I could second guess myself, I closed my eyes and flipped the car over.

My eyes still closed, I thought of Vi. Of how this moment happened for her. Were her parents there? Was she alone? Did she read her fate at home, or did she get sent away first and then read her fate?

My hands were shaking slightly, the card making a quiet flapping sound. I took a deep breath, opened my eyes and looked down at the card. 

I stared at the words. Had to read them three times before I fully comprehended them.

I had to find Vi.