A Birthday Context

"Lily?!" 

Ruki, my childhood friend screamed my name as I stood dazed in the pathway. I seem to have drowned my thoughts about the revision of my thesis topic.

These past few days have been so hectic for me. All the revisions and preparation of the materials and the changes I've come up with in the nick of time, which is not pleasant news to my advisers. I can't help it, my topic is too tedious and complicated. 

"I need to graduate, fast, then I can work to have money." I mumbled between my breaths as I didn't recognize Ruki's footsteps on the pavement.

He inhaled and stretched his arms to reach me, "Come on, I refuse to let you get dazed in the middle of this pathway." he said to me while tugging my backpack. For all the angels that existed, I deeply appreciated this cinnamon roll but I can’t deny the truth that sometimes I want to throw a Frisbee in this guy because a face slap will not be enough.

"Why are you getting pumped up about birthdays?" I asked as Ruki kept on pulling me to follow him. "It's not that special or memorable, why are you getting motivated at having p-a-r-t-y?" I nonchalantly added without looking at him.

He suddenly stopped walking, which made me stagger on my knees after a little "THUD!" in my face. Whoopsy daisy! I think I hit him pretty hard this time with words and this rascal's back had gotten broad and strong, it felt like hitting a moist cement. 

Damn. He grows too fast compared to my wee petite. He can easily push me toward the water and let me drowned. “Ugh, painful.” I grunted but received no response from him. Cool.

I looked at him pissed, just then I caught a glimpse of slouched on his shoulder for a while there. Discouraged? Disappointed? When he looked at me, that weird display of emotion was covered with a toothy grin. "You see, Lily, even though I didn't know when exactly is my birthday, I still want to celebrate birthdays," he replied. You bet I got the message clearly because he did his best to smile trying to cover the discouragement. 

I felt a bit of sting there. I never knew that he would take it seriously. "Pffft, that was a long time ago, Ruru, don't get so attached to baby things." I exclaimed as I tried to hide the fact that I am pleased and sorry for what I just did.

"Lily, how mean of you." He said almost like a whimper but continued to walk dragging my backpack with him., I felt another sting in my heart. I clutched my backpack and inhaled deeply. I think I hurt this soft spot and ruined his mood for birthday party. 

After a while, we endured the silence as Ruki led me to a bench and let go of my backpack. He pointed out to sit on the bench and I did. I got confused but I complied to sit on the bench as it is practically the best choice to hide the awkwardness. 

"Ruki, I'm sorry, I--" I told him but he cut me off and looked at me firmly.

“ As Oprah once said, Be thankful for what you have; you'll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don't have, you will never, ever have enough." he said as he smirked and I made a ‘so what’ look as a response.

“My birthday may be out of context or I may be orphan, It doesn't matter to me,” he sighed then ruffled his chestnut hair that gives a pleasing sense of awe and handsomeness, “But Lily, please, it’s--- uncomfortable when you say those things as if it's easy-- Coming from you, It's sad--" he added that I caught a glimpse of shivering in his voice. “ It makes me sad.” 

Yes folks, I think he is going to cry any minute now. 

But he didn’t, Ruki just raised his head and looked at the sky. In his build he was practically breathtaking. I didn't notice it but I really felt like I hurt him too much today. Ruki was an orphan, he got adopted by the neighbor grandparents who live in front of us. They wanted to take care of a child because they missed having children running around the house as their real children moved to the bustling city. Their real children are actually sorry for leaving their parents behind in the town but this Neighbor Grandparents, Nana Lyn and Tata Min, just adopted a kid and took Ruki in and raised him as one of their own.

When I first saw Ruki around 5 years old he was sort of distant and hard to reach. He always has that glum look that is most likely an unpleasant version of cold king in later years when he grows up. Giving him a birthday just came out of my mouth as I learnt that Nana at Tata hasn't decided for his birthday. I didn’t know that it would have a great impact on his upbringing or maybe I was too prickly and pushy when I was a kid. 

"I still remember the day you've given me a birthday Lily. Always." he looked at me again and winked then started to walk away while I sat still and pondered how wrong of me to ruin his day. He left me at the bench. Peachy. This guy just left me here. 

I decided to sit for a while and take a break from my thoughts.

I never really thought of birthdays as something special. The singing, the people, the expenses it irks me, more importantly, balloons give me ultimate headaches after I inhale that helium-my smell, stuffed toys literally stuffed my nose with allergies and I don’t want to share my cake to anyone.

I leaned on the wooden bench and took a deep drawn sigh. Ruki wanted to celebrate his birthday. Why would he? Why does it make him so happy about celebrating birthday? Birthdays are a nuisance, as much as possible I don’t want to celebrate it. I have all the time in the world, I can celebrate whenever I want, I can do all I want if I want to, so why would this cinnamon roll be worked up with this fake birthday?

Then the answer came at me, fast, like a bird preying for its prey., I laughed mockingly at myself, "I am an ungrateful child haha--" I snickered and rubbed my hands to my cheeks. 

“How ungrateful I turn out to be”. I whispered sadly. Ruki always wanted to know his real parents and his real family but he never showed it. Every time I see him he keeps on giving those gummy smiles like an idiot. I thought this guy never had problems and only sees all the good in the world. Nana and Tata passed away recently just three years ago and his adopted relatives are wonderful to let him use the house till he has enough money to have his own. So he practically lives on his own now but how come he had that much positivity in him?

Oh, I understand, "That sneaky rascal--" I muttered as I closed my eyes. I felt a tear drop at the back of my ears. It tingles. I think I understand now why he wanted to celebrate his birthday even though it was not his real birthday, even though I just gave it to him on a whim.

He believes he doesn't have anything, that's why he cherishes every single thing he has right now. 

Meanwhile here I am, neglecting the fact that I have a complete family, a legit birthday, a home which is filled with baby photos and a parents who cook at home. I terribly neglected the things that other people wanted badly.

Why does this make me uncomfortable? The realization is uncomfortable and it makes me want to puke. I felt ashamed at what I did. I just bluntly strike a dagger to the cinnamon roll’s heart. I felt ashamed of myself. When did I become ungrateful to the things that have been given to me easily?

I realized that I was so lucky to have these things. Lucky? Blessed? Privilege? Whatever it is, I neglected the fact that I should cherish it. Ruki in retrospect appreciates everything he has, even in a while, even if it is not real. How did I forget to cherish these important things?

“I don’t deserve this--” I whispered as I softly laughed then tears slowly flowed out to my eyes. I guess tears are a reminder of how intense the degree of pain or maybe tears just help you to express the pain when it is too much for words. Should I thank my tears for the help? “ Well thanks Tears.” I felt silly talking to myself then I closed my eyes.

I get so caught up in accomplishing big things that I fail to notice the little things and Ruki just low-key slaps me with his gentle viewpoint. 

In his perspective, he needs to appreciate the little things in life, especially the things that he has because some people might want it badly, and even though he had something that the people didn't want badly, and even though he had nothing that people want badly.

I thought as my heart began to crumble at the realization. I guess we really can’t have everything in life, that’s why Ruki appreciates what he has and treasures it dearly and as much as possible.

“That sweet, precious, little piece of shit just left me here--” I exclaimed and opened my eyes as another realization hit me. I heard a chuckle on the other side. By the angel, I thought I heard soft bells ringing in my ears. I turned and saw Ruki, laughing softly with an ice cream on both hands on the other bench.

“You perfectly know Lily that I am no l-i-t-t-l-e piece.” he grinned as he stood from the other bench and walked towards me to give the slightly melted ice cream. I crimson blushed as I took the ice cream while trying to hide the flighty feeling of snapping his neck.

'You know that you don't need to mouthed L-I-T-T-L-E, Mr. Know-It-All" I grinned back as he took a seat beside me and smiled as he ate his cookies and cream flavored ice cream. I looked at mine looking pleased as I stared at the cheese almond flavored ice cream. He knows exactly what I really like and I can’t deny him that he was always right.

“ You know I can bake a cake for you?” he looked at me with a face that was brighter than ever. 

“ I want a three storey cake with different flavors and--” he demanded but I cut it off with a waved in my hand as if trying to erase what he is trying to imagine.

“ I can only bake once and you know I am not that good so whatever I can do, That’s what you get and only THAT.” I firmly said as I continued to finish my delish, heaven sent ice cream. Ruki just nodded and said “thank you” to me in a shy voice while rubbing his eyes and smiling sheepishly.