What you do for love ❤️

As I sit here awaiting death, I can’t help but wonder how all of this could have been avoided. With the cold gun pressed against my temple, I can only blame myself. I had pure intentions, but of course, everything had gone wrong, and now I would pay the ultimate price. Of course, on the day Charlie and I would meet our adopted daughter, I would get kidnapped and shot. I need to start from the beginning, it’s only fair that I remind myself why this all started.

Four years ago I met the love of my life, Charlie. They were the kindest, most wonderful person I had ever and will ever meet. When I finally worked up the courage and asked them out, I was shocked they said yes. Fast forward a year and a half to our wedding, the happiest day of my life. Everything in life was perfect, the only thing missing was a child. Both of us had always dreamed of being parents, the only problem was, two guys, can’t get pregnant. For the past year, we’ve been trying to adopt or possibly foster a child. Unfortunately, we ran into money problems, specifically not having much. I was laid off and our home became a one-income household. After six months of searching for jobs, I was losing hope. Charlie was supportive as always but I couldn’t shake the feeling I was disappointing them. I was getting desperate, I needed cash ASAP. I turned to a place I had never intended ongoing, the local casino. 

I had gotten lucky the first few rounds of blackjack and it quickly went to my head. But still, I can’t express how good it felt to walk home with two thousand dollars in my pocket that night. I knew I couldn’t tell Charlie where I had gotten the money as we both agreed that gambling is a horrible habit to develop. When I got home, I did the worst thing imaginable. I lied to Charlie. I said I sold some of my artwork and they were thrilled. The smile on their face was so wide and their eyes were so bright, I had such an overwhelming mix of joy and guilt. Finally being able to provide for our family but in the worst way. I was able to push the guilt aside and focus on the happiness we both felt. Gambling quickly became routine. Charlie’s happiness was intoxicating and we were getting closer and closer to being able to adopt a child.

Then tragedy struck, my luck ran out. About two months in, I lost all of the money Charlie and I had put into savings. It happened so quickly, it’s such a foggy memory. I felt I could earn it back, I tried to reason with the casino owner. I explained how I couldn’t pay back the money and how I was ten thousand dollars in debt. Mr. Todd Douglas, the owner, wasn’t pleased. The only way to describe him is the most average looking person ever. He had brown hair, brown eyes, and the most forgettable face. He talked with a Californian kind of accent and was the least intimidating guy you’ll ever see. But looks were very deceiving. He told me I would have to work off my debt. That was my only option so, of course, I agreed. This way I could keep all of my savings and continue to lie to Charlie.

That night I learned a lot, the biggest thing I learned was that the casino was just a front for the mob. Todd Douglas, otherwise known as “Nine Lives”, was the local mob boss. He was the whitest person ever, I still don’t understand how he can be so intimidating yet so plain. Anyway, the work he wanted me to do was worse than gambling, I became a drug dealer. The first night was the scariest 3 hours of my life. I had to meet with five people from the times of two am to five am. All I was given was a small pistol to “defend myself”, a bulletproof vest, and the people’s orders. 

The first person I met with was such a sweet woman. Her life had clearly taken a rough turn but I could relate. She really took advantage of our time and told me about her no-good boyfriend, Jeff. I felt so badly for this poor lady. She didn’t deserve to be in this clearly abusive relationship. We had a nice talk, I gave her advice then sold her the weed. The next person I saw was nothing like the first woman, he got his drugs then quickly left. I had some time to kill before the next person showed up so I decided to go get a snack. About a block away from the alley I was dealing in, there was a twenty-four-hour diner. I got a milkshake and just relaxed before I had to go back outside. At about three, I left to go back to the alley and wait for my 3:10 appointment. Unfortunately, Todd was there waiting for me and he didn’t look too happy. I then was lectured about how I can’t leave and blah blah blah. Consequently, I was so zoned out and Todd was so into yelling that we didn’t see the buyer pull up. He thought it was a setup and we were cops. That night was the first time I had ever been shot at. Thank God for the bulletproof vest though. It literally saved my life that night. The rest of the people were pretty calm considering the circumstances. 

I did this three times a week, for about ten weeks. Coming home that late was challenging but this whole crazy situation was worth it. I wasn’t bringing in much money now, because of the whole blowing all my money at the casino thing, but knowing I was fixing my stupid mistake without Charlie ever having to know, made it all worth it. We were also getting closer to being financially stable enough to adopt a child. I saw the end date approaching and was so ready to go back to my normal life. Charlie and I with our future little one would have the most wonderful life, and this year would be in the past.

Todd did not have the same idea, apparently, mob bosses have very little trust in their workers. He lectured me about how I could never completely block out this part of my life. For all he knows, I could just turn around and tell the police everything. I couldn’t keep this up forever, working for him was already challenging but then adding a child into the mix, that would be too much. 

I talked to Charlie about possibly moving. Saying a house with a yard would be better for a child rather than this apartment. Of course, that would mean pushing back our adoption plans at least a year. I knew it wasn’t ideal but I needed to escape Todd and just restart. Charlie didn’t agree. They suggested we focus on adopting and later we can buy a house. I couldn’t explain why I needed to move so quickly so I just smiled and nodded. 

On my last night of official work, Todd told me his rules. First, I could never move out of this small town. Second, I had to tell him about vacations two weeks before I left for them. Third, if he ever needed anything and I was called, I had to do it. Todd was a smart guy, he didn’t let me get completely out of debt. I forever owed him and he took advantage of that. 

Technically, I was done. But every week Todd called and asked for another “small” favor. It was driving me crazy, the lying had reached a point that became too much. I couldn’t leave traditionally, like moving or something, so I bought a hot air balloon and left. I left everything. My life, my family, and most importantly Charlie. But for their safety, I left. This was something low-key enough that I didn’t need to tell Todd and it couldn’t be traced. So me and my untrained self took off in the hot air balloon. Sadly and stupidly I didn’t check the weather and I flew right into a raging storm. 

Lightning flashed, rain poured, and thunder rolled in my ears. I was left reconsidering this past year. All of a sudden, all of that guilt I had been pushing aside overtook me. Every memory of Charlie flooded back, them being supportive, uplifting, generous, loving. This guilt had such a heavy pull. I huddled on the floor of the balloon praying I would live long enough to fix my mistakes. Next thing I knew I woke up on the ground, I was in one piece, I couldn’t say the same for my balloon. Though the hot air balloon was in shambles, for once it felt like my life was not. I got up, a bit sore, and walked to the closest town. I quickly realized I was in the middle of nowhere and there was no town for miles. Still, I was committed. After what felt like a month of walking, I finally found someone. I borrowed their phone and saw I had been lost for about a week and a half. The person was so kind and gave me a ride back to Charlie. As I walked up to our apartment building, I remembered something. I have no idea how I could have forgotten. Life had been so hectic that this event didn’t even register. Today was the day we would meet our adopted daughter. Of course, it had to be today. As I’m about to ring up to my apartment and ask for Charlie to let me in, something hit me on the head.

Next thing I know, here I am. Waking up with a gun to my head. Todd welcomes me to the casino basement. He goes on about how I shouldn’t have left and how he’d find me and just talks for a while. He noticed I wasn’t listening and had his henchmen push the cold metal gun against my temple. And that is my story. My insane year summed up into like two thousand words. 

“Any last words,” Todd glares at me, so ready to pull the trigger.

“The end I guess” and I go out with a ban—