Antonyms

It's like sleep and your mind are two possessive people, and you are their lover.

The words and conversations of that day kept playing in my mind on repeat. Frustrated, I put on my earphones. My thoughts finally died when the music was louder than them. I finally felt a flicker of sleep in my eyes. I pulled my bedsheet closer, prepared to give my mind some rest. That's when my alarm clock shook me from the little sleep I had in me. Such an irritating sound, I thought. I threw my blanket away and blasted into the bathroom. No matter how clean or beautiful a hotel's bathroom is, peeing feels comfortable only in your bathroom. I looked into the mirror, but instead of seeing my gray eyes, all I could see were his intense green eyes. I ditched the effort of looking into the mirror. I turned on the shower and stood below it. The cold water hit my body. I didn't flinch. Yes, I bathe in cold water. I smile, remembering the are-you-human-look from the hotelier when I told him I would not need the geyser to be on. This time, when the memories of the previous day rush into me, I let them drown me. I don't resist.

...

I was sitting on my velvety, comfy chair at a dinette for two. It was the only table in the whole cafeteria that was vacant. I sat sipping my coffee without sugar. The bitterness of it suited me. My black, loose outfit hung on my figure without giving away my muscles and abs. That's when I saw him. He silently walked in. I snorted. I never care if I make too much noise or about attracting attention - It goes with me. His green eyes searched for an empty table and that's when his eyes landed on me and my remaining wooden chair. He reluctantly walked over and sat on the hardwood across from me. He tried to smile at me. I gave him my lazy, mind-your-own-business expression. The waiter instantly came to ask for his order. He ordered coffee with cream and sugar. I choked on my coffee. He ignored me as his phone rang. "Good morning, Dr...." he trailed off. I took his ignorance to study him. White-pressed shirt. Combed almost white blond hair. Lean figure. Composed pose.

He caught me staring at him. I didn't notice he finished with the call. "What's your name?" he asked.

"None of your business," I responded.

He looked irritated now. "What's your name?" he asked again desperately.

I ignored him once more. He looked hurt. The waiter returns with the coffee he had asked for. He sipped it glumly. It annoyed me. 

"Sativa Runner," I said.

He looked up. His green eyes were almost greener. He laughed. A sweet sound to himself. "What is so funny?" I asked.

"My name is Avitas Walker," he responded.

 I still didn't understand what was funny about that. Then it dawned on me. His name is mine, spelled backward. "Oh," I mused. 

"Your coffee sucks. Who drinks coffee without sugar?" He questioned

"Who drinks coffee with sugar and cream?" I asked in the same tone.

"A kid," I answered my own question. 

"So, tell me, Sativa," he said. My name sounded like music on his lips. "Who are you?" He leaned forward. He smelled like summer. I leaned forward, inhaling more of his scent. 

"You smell of winter," He voiced.

Do you want to play 'the get to know each other game'?'' I asked, surprising myself. I cussed. "Neverm..." I started to say. But he cut me off immediately. "Certainly," he piped up. 

We make our way toward the playing room. We find that game and sit down to play.

It was just two hours I spent. Just two hours into that game, something changed in me.

"Favourite color?" The question popped up

"Black," I replied

"white," he replied, amused more and more

"Favourite parent?"

"None"

"Both"

"Favourite season?"

"Winter"

"Summer"

"Favourite book?"

"I don't read."

"Too many to list."

"Favourite music type?"

"Rock and roll"

"Melody"

"Favourite genre?"

"Horror"

"Feel-good"

...Questions go on like that, and he always likes the opposite of mine. Almost. And the questions change from favourite to details.

And it gets weirder.

Because I'm a boxer, and he's an orthopedic.

And I remember talking to him for seconds to minutes. And from minutes to hours. 

"This is the longest conversation I've ever had." I had said

He laughed, It was intoxicating. "I guess that's the only thing we'll go along with then," he had replied.

I didn't care about my schedule or my time. It felt like the universe had stopped time just for us. 

"You're scary," he had said.

"I know," I had laughed.

"But do you know beautiful people are the scary ones"

I had smiled.

And just like that, the day was over.

Just as I was about to leave. He caught my arm. His touch felt like fire. 

"I love you, Sativa Runner. Will you give me the privilege to love you wholy and deeply as you deserve?. I'll be waiting for your answer,"

And then he had left.

....

I met him at the same table we met at yesterday.

He was smiling at me. Big and wide. "So...?" He asks.

I take a deep breath and tell the things I was rehearsing from the morning.

"We're just too different," I say.

His smile fades. "Of course. We are. We are opposites. And that makes it more interesting, "

I laugh bitterly. "Exactly. Interesting. I am just interesting. But interesting is not love. And people just don't fall in love in a day. You know nothing about me. You only know what I allow you to know. Besides, one of us always needs to sacrifice. One of us will always need to sacrifice for a movie. One of us will always need to sacrifice for a song in the car. And sure, sacrifices are part of love. But no. We don't love each other; we just barely know each other. We'll eventually learn that what we think is not love. So it's better never than late."

I'm breathing hard now. Avitas looks ghosted. 

"My flight leaves in 2 hours," he says, like I didn't just give a freaking sermon.

"My car leaves in 2 hours," I say.

He nods. He looks like the contrast in small things, such as this, pains him. "But we can still be friends, right?" he asks, hope blazing in his eyes. "Yes," I find myself saying hopelessly, and I hate myself for it.

...

We stand at a crossroad. We both are supposed to break here.

"Go fix some bones for me," I say

"Go break some bones for me," he says

We laugh one last time.

And then I take the left road.

And he the right.

My heart, too, had taken the right road with him.

...

Two months later. 

I got an email from an unknown contact.

It read...

'Avitas wanted you to have this.'

There was a document attached.

I open it.

...

Dear Sativa Runner,

Meeting you was never a coincidence. I knew you years ago. But I never dared to meet you and talk to you. We studied at the same university. But you didn't see me because we both were in different branches. I first saw you when a fight broke out. A junior was being beaten up by your classmate. You asked him to stop. But he didn't. You stared at him so sharply, I swear I forgot to breathe. Your grey eyes became cloudy. Your eyes became more fierce. And then I knew you were a walking storm. From that day on, I might have stalked you. And I don't regret it at all. I fell for you slowly. And then, I was flying. I know the sarcasm is just a mask. You're kind. You're sensitive. You're water inside a coconut. The opposite personality is just an interesting thing. But I didn't fall because we are opposites. I fell because you were you. I left the hotel that day because I thought you needed time. I knew you would see the light. Because when we parted ways that day, I saw something I had never seen in your eyes. I saw fire, not a storm. I saw longing, not anger. I saw love, not hate. I know I will never be brave enough to show you this letter.

But until you realize it, I'll be waiting.

For you.

A year or a day.

Yours Every Beat,

Avitas Walker

...

There are tears in my eyes now. My chest heaves. My hands shiver.

I texted the unknown contact.

'Who are you? How do you know Avitas?'

'I am his best friend' The message came almost immediately.

'Where can I find Avitas?' I ask

'Nowhere'

'What do you mean?'

'He's dead.'