A Standard Matter

It really doesn’t matter if I am here or not, does it?

As a matter of fact, it does.

Who cares?

Well, I do, for one thing.

Does the universe care?

I doubt the universe cares about anything at all.

How do you know that?

How do I know what?

That the universe is careless.

How could it be anything else?

Have you never been told that you shouldn’t answer a question with another question?

Isn’t that what you just did?

There, you did it again.

Did what?

Nevermind.

Anyway, I don’t know things. I just suspect.

I am considering swallowing this pill to change my appearance. It will probably cause me to disappear.

Are you sure that’s a good idea?

Which part of that sentence are you referring to? Swallowing the pill or disappearing?

Both.

I think they’re both good ideas.

Do you have any other ideas?

No.

Ok, then. I think I’ll take it.

I suspect Dr. Randall would dissuade you from taking it.

What the hell does she know about it?

Quite a bit, I suspect. She’s an expert.

On what subject is she an expert?

Particle physics. Have you been living under a rock?

I think you know where I live.

Yes, but not for long.

Can you get Dr. Randall on the phone?

I doubt it. I don’t have her number.

Does she require a number?

I suspect so. All great physicists require numbers. It’s kind of what they do.

Then let’s get ahold of her and see if she thinks this is a good idea or not.

I told you I have no way of reaching out to her.

Alright then, I’m going to take the dark matter pill and get out of here.

Fine. Suit yourself. You always do.

What does that mean?

You know damned well what it means. It means you ask for my advice, and I give it to you, but then you go ahead and do what you want anyway. Perhaps you need a pill for opposition instead of a pill to make yourself disappear.

Call me crazy, but I think that was uncalled for.

So what?

So, I think you should take it back.

Well, I don’t take it back. Just like you can’t take it back after you take a dark matter pill.

Who says I would want to take that back?

No one.

Precisely. Here goes.

—

Hmmm. I thought I would feel different. Chloe? Are you there?

Chloe?

—

I told him not to take that damned dark matter pill.

So why did he take it?

Because, Lisa, he does whatever he wants all the time. You should know that. Aren’t you a physicist?

Yes, but that doesn’t mean I know everything.

I thought it did.

No. It just seems that way. Actually, my knowledge is pretty limited once you really analyze it.

I don’t feel like analyzing anything. I just want my brother back.

I’ll check with Neil, but I doubt there is anything we can do.

Three days later.

Well, I was right, just as you suspected. Neil says we can’t bring him back.

Why not?

Because we don’t understand that much about dark matter yet, we aren’t entirely sure how it operates.

Well, how the hell did Zach get a dark matter pill, then?

You probably don’t want to hear this, but I am guessing he got it on the black market, also known as the dark market.

Are you kidding me with this? You think my brother got ahold of a dark matter pill on something called the dark market?

That would explain things, would it not?

I would rather have a solution than an explanation.

Wouldn’t we all?

How do I access the dark market?

You have to take a dark market pill.

I have never heard of such a thing. Is that common?

That depends. It’s not as common as dark matter, but probably less common than dark energy.

Oh lord. Alright. Give me the dark market pill.

I don’t have any.

Why not.

I’m a physicist, not a physician.

There’s a difference, I assume?

You assume correctly. I will ask around and see if I can get you one. I must warn you, though; they are quite big and quite—.

Let me guess, dark?

Yes.

Figures.

Three days later

Here you do. I found a dark market pill for you. You should get a large glass of water.

Where did you get it?

I’ll give you three guesses. The first two don’t count.

The dark market?

Correct. You are really catching on.

Once you swallow the pill, you won’t be able to communicate with me.

Why not?

Because that’s the way the dark market works. No phones. No outside communication.

Ok. How do I get back?

I suppose you’ll have to ask the people who run the market.

Three days later

How did it go?

Pretty good. I found out who manufactured the dark matter pill and was able to Plancke my way home.

That’s a relief. Does this mean you know how to get your brother back?

No. He’s gone for good now.

Isn’t that why you went to the dark market, to get him back?

It was, but I got distracted.

By what?

Time.

I totally understand that, but I thought you wanted your brother back.

There is no back. There is no fourth. All time is happening at once, which is why I’m no longer concerned about my brother. You should know all of this.

I’m beginning to think I know nothing at all.

Now you’re getting it.

Am I?

Yes. Once you understand that nothing is something and everything is nothing, you’ve basically solved the riddle of the universe.

I’ve got to get back to the lab.

What are you, Dr. Frankenstein, or something?

I don’t think so, but perhaps. Perhaps I am all doctors at once or none at all.

See. You’re getting it.

See you next week?

Sure thing.

Same time?

All time is the same, so sure.

Goodbye, then.