the rose and the canary

The rose

“Once upon a time, two sisters lived alone”

In the midst of a supposedly perfect scene, a small voice beckoned to me from the far off

doorstep.

“The sun is so bright today, come out and see, laura!”

from my corner i could hear her smile and the bright reflection of her eyes. Rose, who one could call a sister, is the ever present opposite of me. And though I wished with all of my heart to remain in the dusty room, curled up by my lonesome, I knew that when she called she would not relent until I replied, so it was pointless to protest. My body aches as I stand, the hallway seems like an endless stretch of redwood tiles. By the time I got there, I had to put a bony, cold hand to my forehead in order to cool off. For a moment I wondered why I left the study, but wondering doesn't do much good when it comes to the past. Without thinking, I slipped out onto the patio, hobbled down the stairs and into the sunlit lawn. Beyond the trim grass were paths, leading off to the gardens that clothed our little house. The hot sunbeams poured relentlessly onto the flower beds, as well as my paper like skin. Rose is dancing, impatiently, hips swaying from side to side, bouncing up and down like a needy child.

With all the speed my body could muster, I ran off towards my dear sister, begging my limbs to last through another day of play. And although at the time I doubted that any inexplicable things could be present in our little world, I do confess as I rushed off the earth beneath my feet seemed to fade. Like a shadow, an idea I had succeeded in forgetting leaned over my shoulder, begging me to tie its mouth closed and lock it away again.

“Lauren, are you alright? Don't tell me you've been holed up in that old room again, the dust is terrible for your lungs! Your body is fragile enough as is." Rose's reprimands interrupted my trifling thoughts. Catching my breath, I went along with her down one of the old dirt pathways. We walked in happy silence, enjoying the feeling of freedom that came with leaving. At the end of the path there was nothing but a seemingly endless expanse of trees. For hours, we played (if one could call it that). With much assistance, I sat myself on an old swing that hung from a sturdy oak, hoping it was still stable after decades. Rose twirled through the trees, laughing blissfully as she swung and climbed across every branch she could reach. From my little swing, I spoke to her, like a spirit fixed in one position. My cynical humor seemed to contrast her childlike demeanor. Many hours went by, each merrier than the last. Rose packed honey sandwiches and we greedily ate them on the swing together. As the day dragged on, it grew misty and amp in the woods. As the mist crescendoed into a thickening fog, Rose let out a deep yawn. This was our signal to head back down the ashen path, and leave our woods until the sun returned. Exhausted, I coaxed Rose into hoisting me onto her back and carrying me over the misty pathway. The day had wrung out even her energy, which had seemed to be of infinite supply. When we came to the porch of the old redwood house, we swifty removed our shoes and slumped upstairs to our bed. Me and Rose had shared an old dust bound mattress from the time we were young, and neither of us seemed to mind it anymore. Side by side, we looked at eachother, mocking the others' exhaustion.

“You should bathe, laura, you smell like that damp swing.”

“And you smell like sweat and bark!”

“I do not! I smell wonderful, like morning dew, at all times!” Rose flashed me a cocky smile, fanning her smell towards me. I laughed and pushed her away (although my weak arms didn't do much). We laid there like that, pushing one another in retaliation, until we eventually drifted off to sleep.

~~~~

All around the shrinking world, an ominous light was moving in from every edge. The light seeped into the blurry corners of the gardens and forests, engulfing the infinite mass of trees. The little redwood house shuddered with fear, creaking and cracking the whole night through. The moon lost its intended shine, and instead became part of the blurring void.

~~~~

In my dreams, I was no longer me. Tubes and needles were poked into my still colorless arms, and instead of the trees and wind I heard mechanical beeps and screeches. A symphony of low, weary voices was the only other sound. I tried to move, but my limbs were limps and my body was numb. Hours passed, maybe days, but I still remained in the same position. My mind began unraveling, and I wondered if I had died and gone to hell.

The door creaked open.

I gasped in my mind, trying to speak. ROSE! Rose help me, I don't know what is going on, where are we?! I wished with all my heart to speak with her, but there was a tube shoved down my throat. Rose came and stood at the foot of my bed, her brown hair matted and unkempt.

Over the noise of the machines, I heard stifled sobs. Rose stood there crying at the foot of my bed, miserable beyond hysteria. Her mouth seemed to form words, but I couldn't hear them over the beeping.

As I drifted off to sleep, the machine noises died down.

I woke up in a cold sweat, confused as to where I was. Frantically I swung my head back and forth looking for some sign of reality. My vision was hazy, and the world's sensation seemed limited only to me. I looked through my mind for memories of the machines and the tears rolling down laurus cheeks, but my mind held them at arm's length from perception. A startled Rose woke by my side.

“Lauren, are you alright? I heard you crying and felt you tossing and turning, did you have another nightmare?!” she placed her hand on my forehead, as if she, an airhead 14 year old could guess my ailment. I gently brushed her off, hoisting my hips into a sitting position.

“I'm fine Rose…just had a bad dream, sorry to wake you.”

“I'm not upset at you, silly, you can't help your dreams.” rose flicked my forehead scoldliny

“Rose…”

“Hm?”

“Mom…remember what she used to say? About how I was possessed…and that I was to harm you all? Maybe…maybe these dreams are telling me that what she said is the truth, and I really am a bad person. So bad even my body hates me.” a tear rolled down my cool skin. I turned my head away from Rose, embarrassed at my sudden emotions.

“Oh Laura Don't cry,” Rose gently wiped the tears from my face “...there there, it's ok. Mom didn't know what she was saying, she was ill, you know that. Our mom would never say something like that to her favorite daughter, she loved you so very much, remember when we used to…” laurens gaze drifted, as if she was forgetting something “but really, mom is gone now, it's better just to forget, dwelling in the past won't help us one bit. All we need now is to live here together, forever. We can be everything to each other. No lovers, or mothers or traitor fathers, just us sisters, the purest bond on this earth, forever. You want that right? Doesn't it sound great? No more machines, no more crying, no loss…”

Rose's smile grew intense, like a wordless cry for help. But it's better, I decided to leave things as they are. Perfection.

“Your right, Rose,

Dwelling on the past cant help anyone…”

~~~

Something in me spoke to my sister, from beyond my preset consciousness. Rose pulled me into a tight hug, and we fell back asleep side by side like always. But at that moment, I couldn't help but wonder,

How long had always been?

the canary

In the midst of a nightmarish dream, a small voice beckoned to me from the far off

Doorstep. The moon had hidden again, and all around me time was both paused and racing forward. I smile gently at the face of what should be my sister, lauren. Her skin is pale and cold like smooth ice, and her hair is matted with grease. I should have combed it. Like every day, we walk down to the old woods, by the old sturdy swing Lauren was always skeptical of. The swing she IS skeptical of. For some reason, I'm thinking in the past tense. Running through the trees, I watch her from all angles like the wind. Her nappy hair and icy skin, the stains on her dress and the exact times they occurred. I remember it all, I can't bring myself to forget any aspect of her. The way she smiled, her every word, her favorite song, her birthday…nothing slips my memory nowadays.

But with every fact about my sister, there's something there I can't put my finger on. A sadness, inside my chest that drags me closer to death.

Under the tree, we ate honey sandwiches. They tasted like nothing, almost as if they weren't honey at all. In fact, what is honey? I remember using it, and what it should have been, but can't comprehend what it is. I must have forgotten. It doesn't matter,

All that matters is lauren.

That's all I need.

~~~

After another long day, we collapsed onto our old shared bed. I always wanted a new mattress, but for some reason that was an impossibility. Lauren looked like a corpse laying beside me, and as I closed my eyes strange sounds came faintly from afar. Beeps and screeches that caused me inexplicable anxiety. I laid there, too afraid to close my eyes for what felt like hours. I felt as though my retinas had shriveled up in dry pain, tears streaming down my cheeks. Eventually my body gave in and I fell into a dark, dreamless sleep.

Which was the dream again?

The smell of waste and chemicals laid heavy on the air. The bland walls gaped at me, their silence deafening. Slowly, I opened my eyes to the hushed sounds of tears beneath the innocent chatter of machines. My bed for lack of better words, was a scarcely padded chair in a dimly lit hallway. The fading sun poured in from a lonely window, beaming down the hallways before me. My back aches from laying awkwardly in the unforgiving chair, and I rose to stretch out my arms and legs. A silent presence loomed over me, almost as if I had forgotten something. The little window called for me louder this time, and sleep started to drip from my consciousness.

After a little while, I rose and sat by the hospital bed.

“I wonder what you're dreaming about, laura.”

A sweet smirk crept across my lips like a crawling worm. Gently, I placed my fingertips on her cold forehead. “Asleep for 3 months and not a single blemish. You really do have that woman's genes.” with two fingers, i pried open her eyelid, forcing her to look at me.

“Do you see, laura? This is what I look like now?! Ugly and thin and pale, and it's all your fault! You made me do this. What's the point of having a sister if she just goes and dies when you need her?! HUH?! Tell me, why are you putting me through this?! Just think of how lonely I'll be without you! You can't fight for my sake, even though I gave you everything, you ungrateful brat! You won't have your way, no no no my dear sister! Im going keep you alive until you decide to wake up and fix this, Ok?! I don't care if you're in pain, I won't let you leave me all alone anymore?! Even if I have to replace every bone in your body myself, even if I have to draw my own blood and organs and tie them into you! I will not stop, never in a million years. However long it takes, however many times i have to break you down and put you back together, no matter how much you want to scream, I WILL NOT STOP

SO JUST WAKE UP ALREADY YOU USELESS BRAT!”

Slap! I hit her, again and again, screaming at her but getting no reply. A passing nurse came to restrain me, as if I was somehow harming laura. Enraged, I cried out “LET ME GO! I'M SAVING HER, YOU MURDERER, LAURA WILL DIE WITHOUT ME! I HAVE TO WAKE HER UP, LET ME GO!” I screamed loud, like a broken child in self preservation. It took five people to carry me off. The little window mocked me as I faded down the long hallway, and I swung and cursed at it from afar.

“LAURA, MEET ME AT THE OLD SWING!”

~~~~

When I woke up, I was in hell.

Laura was there by my side, sweat dripping from her forehead. With a smile I wiped her brow. Laura gasped and sprung up, tears streaming down her face. “Oh laura dont cry” i gently wiped her cheek, trying my best not to strike her.

“Rose…”

“Hm?”

“Mom…remember what she used to say? About how I was possessed…and that I was to harm you all? Maybe…maybe these dreams are telling me that what she said is the truth, and I really am a bad person. So bad even my body hates me.”

Yes. that's exactly what you are. An ungrateful little traitor. I hate you. I HATE YOU.

“...there, there, it's ok. Mom didn't know what she was saying, she was ill, you know that. Our mom would never say something like that to her favorite daughter, she loved you so very much, remember when we used to…” laurens gaze drifted, as if she was forgetting something “but really, mom is gone now, it's better just to forget, dwelling in the past won't help us one bit. All we need now is to live here together, forever. We can be everything to each other. No lovers, or mothers or traitor fathers, just us sisters, the purest bond on this earth, forever. You want that right? Doesn't it sound great? No more machines, no more crying, no loss…” no more lying, no more hope.

I laid there with Laura, trying to keep hold of my rage, she slept smiling beside me.

In our twisted reality, we laughed every day like children. Always was the promise of life, something no one in the mortal realm could dream of. And though the edges of our life blurred, and our destinies were meaningless fantasies, for us, for Laura, always was the only way to be.

And there was no way anyone could take that from me.