What If Nobody Remembers Me?

David had just returned to his hometown a month ago. The move came about because of a job promotion he had received in the big company that he had worked for in another town a few hours drive from his hometown. Just as compelling for the job move for him was that he would be returning to the familiarity of home, not just of town, but of the street on which he spent his childhood. He had hoped that at least a few of his old neighbours were still there, but after boldly knocking on doors of the homes of old neighbours, he found that they had all died or moved away.

           He had just gotten over the depression of that disappointing experience, when in the local paper, he read that next week there was going to be school reunion in his old high school. His initial response that day was a smile and a feeling of joy. However, as he lay in bed that night, his unconscious mind asked him, “What if no one remembers you? What if you are completely forgotten? You weren’t exactly Mister Popular when you were in that school. You never had a girl friend there, and you had no close buddies. Your only focus was on your education, not on sex or sports. Who would remember you?”

           David did wonder if people would remember him. He thought that those individuals who had been in his classes might stare at the name that would be pinned on his shirt at the high school, and just walk on by, or utter a polite greeting, and nothing more that they could bring to mind.

           David wondered about what he should wear to the reunion.  “What if I wore my fancy formal suit that I only wear for executive meetings? That might impress people enough to speak to me.  No, that is not a good idea. They might think that I am a rich snob, and ignore me completely then. I will just wear my being at home clothes, no jacket or tie, no pressed pants or anything else formal”.

The Day of the Reunion

           It took a long time for him to get dressed, changing his clothes several times before he was close enough to being satisfied with what he was wearing. In his left pocket was a small pad of paper and a pen, just in case someone who knew him would give him their phone number, or asked him for his. If neither happened, he would toss the pad into the garbage, as it being blank would be a reminder of his lack of being recognized and remembered.

           David decided to take the long walk to the high school rather than driving there. His new house was not far from the one that he grew up in, and he wanted to catch the good memories that such a walk would involve. His emotions were mixed in the walk. The homes of the now-departed neighbours had memories that made him smile. But the emptiness he had felt as he remembered experiences of walking to school alone as a teenager, while others on the same route were usually in groups of two or more, talking and sometimes looking at him as if he were some kind of strange animal.

David Arrives at the School

           “Ah, there is the school. It doesn’t look much different than it did when I was a student, except there are no portables beside the school anymore. I can bring to mind when a portable was my home room, particularly that terrible Valentine’s day when the girls gave flowers to most of the boys, but not to me.”

           David is greeted at the door by a girl in a school based uniform who asks him what year he graduated in. When he told her, she informed him that the room was 205 on the second floor. He avoided saying to her that he would know by the number what floor it was on. That would be condescending. He could picture the room the way it was, as he had history class there. Now he and the students from his class were history too.

           He ran up the stairs, as he used to do when going to history class, his favourite subject. He took a deep breath before he entered the room. He was anticipating it in two emotional directions, expected non-reconnection, and the hope of at least one small form of unexpected reconnection.

           In less than a minute he heard a feminine voice say to him, “David, it is good to see someone that I remember. How are you doing?” He looked in the direction that the voice came from and saw someone who, after a few seconds staring he suddenly recognized. It was Belinda! He could not remember her last name. She had been in his home room in the portable. She had been quiet and shy, and gave no gifts to boys or girls on Valentine’s day. He walked quickly in her direction. She hugged him, and he returned the favour, much to his own surprise.

           She then said something to him that surprised him. “I don’t know whether you remember me. You opened the door of the portable a number of times for me. No one else ever did that for me.” David hadn’t thought of that before, but now it returned to his consciousness.

           They sat down beside each other, and they told their stories of the portable, now removed, leading on to places they had worked in the years since they were in the same class together. She then asked him what he felt was a surprising question. “So is your wife here?” He told her that he had never married. There were a few seconds silence wait before he spoke again to ask a personal question. “So, are you married?” 

           Her reply was “I was, but we divorced two years ago.” He was speechless for a few seconds. He was going to say, “I’m sorry to hear that”, but his second thought was that he was kind of glad, not sorry that she was presently available. So he reached out and put his right hand on her left.

           They then sat down beside each other and talked, first about their time back in the school. They shared a good number of memories of those times, and some time later about their current lives. David eased into thoughts of a possible future together, and hoped that she did too. It turned out that she did, as she asked him whether he would like to go to the nearby bar, the Toby Jug, once they ‘grew tired’ of the reunion.. He nodded his head without speaking.

           About 20 minutes later a man with a smiling face sauntered up to the pair of them, and said, “So here you are Davy boy! I had heard that you were back in town. Is this your little woman?”

           David shook his head lightly and said, “No, she is almost as tall as you are, and she asked me to go to the Toby Jug when we leave the school, and I said ‘yes.” He rarely talked about any aspect of his personal life as freely as that. This was new territory for him. 

           The man, whom David suddenly remembered had the first name ‘Roy’, had sat next to him in math class. He had helped Roy several times when his math neighbour struggled to work out the math problems etched in chalk on the board. Roy soon reached out and grabbed his hand, then saying, “And I always thought that you were shy with the girls. I’ll leave you alone now with this fair lady.” They shook hands, and Roy walked away.

           After sitting in the auditorium hearing the band play the school theme song, they decided to leave, and, walked towards the Tobi Jug. He held her hand, wanting to tell her that he had never held a girl’s hand before, but he reckoned to say nothing about that aspect of his life. He would write her name on the pad of paper in his pocket, and underline it several times.