Straussian Rage

Submitted into Contest #255 in response to: Write a story about anger.... view prompt

9 comments

Sad Historical Fiction

This story contains themes or mentions of physical violence, gore, or abuse.

Author's note

In a way, I wrote this in honor of my mother. She would often share opera with me and this story sort pays an homage to both her and the opera.


Straussian Rage


The storm clouds hovered over the fortress of Atreus. The rains continued to pummel the roof as if to break through and flood the entire hall, yet the fortress stood still in defiance of the gods. 


The slaves were gathered together washing the Mistress’s clothes clean while they themselves were soaked to the bone. They all knew what awaited them if they didn't get the work done and the slave master was always there with a cat o’ nine tails and a lascivious leer to remind them.


Susie 9 was one such slave trying her best with the others to wash all the clothes and bring them into the fortress with the others while the rain was still soaking them and the mud was getting all over her feet. She managed to pack her basket full with clean, white clothes and had just gotten up to head inside when one of the other slaves slipped on the mud and landed face first in the basket, spreading mud on the once clean clothes.


The slaves master wasted no time meting out the punishment on her already scarred back while she screamed and howled. The others tried to ignore the spectacle and rushed to get the clothes as clean as possible, picking them up and making sure they didn't slip on the wet ground.


The punished slave managed to come to a standing position while picking up the clothes and made her way down the path.  


Susie 9 joint joined her she was she was still finishing the laundry out of the corner of her eye they looked to the outside of the fortress into the forest and saw the figure of a woman standing there, her eyes watching through her mud soaked hair at every movement. Her face was long, lined and creased and her mouth seemed be hard chiseled in a permanent grimace. 


Every so often, her eyes seemed to look upwards towards the fortress itself, daring the occupants to look outside.


Susie 9 looked at the other slave and started to talk to her, hoping to call her own frayed nerves.


“Who is that in the woods?”


The other slave glanced at her, then put her head down to face the laundry.


“We're not supposed to talk to each other. You're obviously new here, so I will tell you a secret.”


She leaned forward to whisper to Susie 9. “We never discuss or even look at the woman in the woods. Ever. Understand?”


Susie’s eyes widened and her mouth hung open.


“We don't mention her, we don't look at her and we don't see her. If you get caught talking about her at all,...well I probably won't see you again. You got it?”


Susie 9 nodded her head as she helped her with the baskets of laundry and headed to the inside of the fortress.


After they had all gone the figure emerged from the forest her hair is dripping wet yet covered also in mud her clothes had holes in them in several places yet she held her head high, her eyes burning in the night. She took a breath and let her mouth savor the taste of the rain and began her lonely night walk along the fortress. 


Lifting her head to the sky she called out “Father!”


“Father, hear me! It is I, your eldest child speaking! I alone who bears witness to the truth! I alone who comes to this place as a sentinel! I am the reminder of that which is inescapable! I call upon, you, oh Father!


“You who was just in the bathtub, when your wife, and that sick little wretch, her lover came and killed you with a net and and ax!”


“How cowardly an act! If he wanted your wife(my mother), and your land, he should have challenged you to a duel! Instead, it was an ignominious death in a bathtub!”


“Come to me, my Father! Let those who dwell in the house feel your presence and tremble in fear as they should! Let me, your eldest daughter, Elle have the honor of being your harbinger! So mote it be!”


Almost as if in response,the lightening flashed,. casting her shadow on the wall of the fortress in an eerie display and the thunder boomed like a behemoth lumbering across the heavens.


Elle nodded in appreciation and silently thanked the gods.Just as she had finished, she actually heard a voice calling out to her.


“Elle, are you there?”


Elle turned her head and looked and saw the form of her younger sister Christina coming to see her. Her mother had obviously been doting on Christina as she was dressed in what looked like fine linen and lace. It looked out of place in the muddy grounds of the fortress. Christina walked down the pathway to face her sister, her face red stained with tears.


“Why don't you come in why don't you why do you stay out here come inside all will be forgiven. Mother had said so!”



Elle face cracked a sardonic grin. “Forgiveness? What do you mean Chrissy? What have I done to be forgiven? What great sin have I committed? “



Christina continued to plead undeterred 

“Elle I'm begging you put everything aside! Mother's temper has gotten worse and worse of late and I don't think she is well. 


“Every day, she looks out the window, wondering when you will come home. You are her daughter, her first born!”


“Oh yes, I am, Chrissy!”, Elle replied looking deep into her younger sister’s eyes. “ I am also the one who saw her own mother murder her own husband in a bathtub!”


“I watched them both as they dragged his broken body from the bath, down the hall and outside and into the pit. They even buried the ax on the ground where you stand!”


Christina shook her head. “Not true! You dreamed it! It was just a bad dream! Father did die but….”


“A dream? “, Elle screamed. “A bad dream?!? Oh how I wish it were! I wish I hadn't seen it all! But I can't ignore the truth of what I saw with my very own eyes!”


Christina turned away, trying to blot out the images in her mind. “No! Stop!!! Stop stop!! I can't bear it!”, she cried out, covering her young face with her hands.


“Chrissy, even if I went back inside,.do you think she would welcome me? Hell no! I take even a little nap in that house, I probably would wake up in the Underworld!  


I am a constant reminder of what they did! So I have to remain alive. I have to remain here. As long as I stay out here, she will be focusing on me and not you”


 Elle sighed.” You're too young to know or understand. I wish it weren't so myself. “


Elle looked down at the ground, her voice soft as she touched her younger sibling on the shoulder with her mud-stained hand. 


“Sister! I have longed to embrace you and our brother, Orin! I have always wanted to be a good big sister and take care of you both and protect you from…..”, she stopped as her own lips trembled. She couldn't continue. She had to remain resolute.


She walked further down the path and turned to face her.


“I am truly sorry, sister! I must do this! Father's blood demands it! “


She turned back again, slightly and looked over her shoulder at her younger sibling with her face hardened as granite yet a look of softness in her eyes.  


“I pray, Sister, that you will be safe and have peace.”


Christina remained where she was in spite.of the constant rain, watching the retreating figure descend into the forest.  


June 21, 2024 13:17

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9 comments

Darvico Ulmeli
07:57 Jun 22, 2024

Very powerful stuff. Enjoyed.

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Patrick Druid
11:57 Jun 22, 2024

Thank you, Darvico!

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05:06 Jun 27, 2024

Great story! You capture the essence of greek tragedy well. For the cc feedback, I think it might be an idea to get deeper into the POV of the MC and her emotions from the start of the story. Wonder how this would read in 3rd person limited vs 3rd person omniscient.

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Patrick Druid
05:11 Jun 27, 2024

Cool feedback! Thanks!

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Patrick Druid
05:14 Jun 27, 2024

Incidentally, I included the servant scene because it was included in the opera itself. In the opera, the slaves are making fun of Elektra except for one who gets punished for sticking up for her.

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07:03 Jun 27, 2024

Cool, thanks for teaching me about something new, just found the wikipedia page that explains Strauss's opera: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Elektra_(opera)

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Kay Smith
17:47 Jun 22, 2024

Frankly, I enjoyed the sh1+ out of this story! There were a few instances where you could have left some stuff out and/or beefed up other areas: "How cowardly an act! If he wanted your wife(my mother), and your land, he should have challenged you to a duel!: -- The part with (my mother); I had surmised as much. "Almost as if in response, the lightning flashed,. casting her shadow on the wall of the fortress in an eerie display..." -- I wanted more of a visual here. What kind of an eerie display was cast upon the wall of the fortress? "...t...

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Patrick Druid
18:00 Jun 22, 2024

Thank you so much! I will have to see what I can do about the fortress. The story is based on Strauss's Elektra. The music in the opera was ...violent but addictive.

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Kay Smith
18:19 Jun 22, 2024

I did some reading on Straus's work before delving into this story ;) What a homage to your Mom!

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