DESTINY

Fear comes to those who let it take over mind, body and soul. Fear seeps into you without you ever noticing. Fear controls you. Fear takes you down paths you never knew existed before.

My Destiny which is also my name is intertwined with my fear. For many years I've known the evil that is with in me. I never let it get to me.

All these years of my life I told myself, I'm stronger than the fear. I never let the fear dictate my every day life but something in me has changed.

I sense something in me growing. It's not the good kind. I keep telling myself "Don't let the fear get to you."

I do yoga.I go running. I keep myself busy. I don't think about the fear. I put it in the back of my mind. I keep my daily routine of yoga and running. I focus on the good things.

Throughout my life, I've heard whispers about the fear that is growing within me. The women in my family don't talk about the fear. They call it a curse.

I wonder what curse can inflict so much damage to one family? No one wants to tell me the truth about the fear.

I begin researching my family history. First, on my father's side, the Wesson's. The Wesson's are your typical American family. Nothing out of the ordinary,

Now, I research my mother's side of the family, the Peter's. It's a dead end. The Peter's family didn't exist prior to the birth of my mother and aunts.

I look up my grandmother, Sandy Peters and my grandpa Jonah Peters. I find am article about my grandparents.

A marriage certificate that reads "Jonah Pryce weds Sandy Bennett." There is no date. Why would my grandparents change their last name? So many mysteries my family is hiding.

The pull of the fear is getting stronger. I feel it more and more each day. I want to know why this is happening to me?

I'm doing my yoga to calm me down. To keep my mind free. I feel myself calming down. I'm ready to continue my search.

Next thing I go through is my family photo album. I look at pictures of me and my sisters. Pictures of my parents. Nothing here.

I close the family album and put the album back in the drawer but then I see something at the bottom of the drawer.

I take everything out of the drawer and at the bottom of the drawer is a big yellow envelope. I take out the envelope and open it.

I take out a bunch of pictures and look at the strangers. I don't know who these women are. They don't look happy in fact they look scare. Some of the pictures are black and white. They date back years. The other pictures are in color.

These more recent pictures are of a group of women who have a blank, soulless stare. I put the pictures back in the envelope. I fix the drawer and take the envelope with me.

I go to my room with the envelope thinking about the fear. The first time I heard about the fear I was on the cusp of becoming a teenager. I didn't care about family issues. I cared about boys, clothes and my friends.

As I got older whispers of the fear became part of my every day life. Of course I didn't believe the fear was true. There are times that I still don't believe the fear is true.

I believe in the goodness that is within me and around me. I do good works in my community of Beacon Harbor. The good works gives me a sense of hope and pride.

I'm responsible for the restoration of the Beacon Harbor flower garden, the rebuilding of the park and the cleaning project at the Beacon Harbor waterfalls.

The mayor had praised me for my efforts in keeping Beacon Harbor beautiful, safe and healthy for the residents and the tourist.

There are many other projects I'm doing like building a call center for residents to call in tips about anything that is detrimental to Beacon Harbor or if they need someone to talk too.

I also love going to the hospital to talk with the patients. I love making them smile. I do these good works to stick it to the fear. To make me stronger than the fear.

It's night time. This is when the fear is at its strongest and me at my weakest. I'm left unguarded. The fear comes and taunts me.

My eyes are closed. I hear the fear taunting me, telling me "I will get you. You can't run away from me." I fight back. I don't let the fear get in my mind and soul.

I beat the fear for now. The sun is finally up. It's a brand new day but for me the day begins just like every other day.

I get out of bed. I stretch and do my yoga. I'm on the floor. My legs are crossed and I close my eyes.

I wash away the fear from last night. I think good thoughts. The good works I'm doing. I wash away the negative thoughts

Yoga is finished. Time for running. I put my running clothes and shoes on. I go downstairs. I hear my parents, aunts and grandparents talking. I ignore them and leave my house.

I run through my neighborhood, through town and onto the lake. I stop at my favorite place, the waterfalls.

The waterfalls is a place I love going to so I can be near nature, to feel the wind and the sun. I call the waterfalls my safe place. My place of peace and comfort.

I sit by the waterfalls thinking about my family, the pictures and the fear. I wish I understood the fear and what it means for me.

Goodbye waterfalls. It's time go home. I run back home. I open the door and enter. My parents, aunts and grandparents are still talking.

"How's Destiny doing?" I hear my grandpa asking.

"My girl is a fighter." My mom replies.

"Sandy, what's wrong?" I hear my grandpa asking.

I look at my grandmother. She has a worry look on her face.

"Destiny is fighting this too much. I'm afraid this thing is not going to let go so easily."

I shake my head. I tell myself "I will fight this no matter what." I hear more of the conversation.

"Mom, Destiny is a fighter. She's not going to give in to this thing no matter how much we tell her or how much we don't tell her."

I hear my dad talking now. I know my daughter. I want her to fight. I refuse to let this thing take my daughter. The truth is what you need to tell her."

Hearing my father's words gives me the strength to confront my family. I walk into the kitchen. My parents, aunts and grandparents turn to me.

My mom begins to speak. I stop her. I tell my family "It's my turn to speak." They nod. I begin to speak.

"I know something dark and evil is living within me. I call it the fear. I've been fighting this thing for a long time and I'm not going to stop. I want to know what is living inside of me."

I watch my family with a fierce determination. My dad comes and stands by my side. He urges them to tell me the truth.

My grandmother stands up and turns to me. She grabs my hand and begins to talk. 'The curse or the fear was brought upon my side of the family generations ago by a family we once called friends."

"The Bennett's and the Douglas family were once close but a family feud destroyed our friendship. We blamed each other. It got worse over time and on the day the first Bennett daughter was born a curse was placed upon each generation of first-born daughters."

I try to make sense of what my grandmother just told me. I ask "Did anyone try to break the curse?"

My grandmother tells me "We changed our last name. Some of us prayed. Some went into hiding. None of it worked. It always came."

Something comes to me. "Mom you are the oldest. Isn't the fear inside of you?" My mom looks at my aunts, her sisters and shakes her head.

"Me and your aunts have an older sister and before you ask, she's in a place where she can't hurt herself and anyone else."

I look at my family and with a strength I have within me, I stand up and face my family.

"This isn't what I signed up for. This isn't what I expect my life would turn out. I'm a good person with a life of love and happiness. I will continue to fight the fear. it will not consume me. I am stronger than the fear. My Destiny will be to beat the fear and end its curse."

I am determined to do the one the one thing the women in my family have never been able to do and that is to be stronger then the fear. To fight the fear and not let the fear in.