A Penny for Your Prayers

The mall was dead, the addicts sheltering in its husk called it the Yoke. Andrea Sands called it the Capital Hill Mall. The name was right there on the building, the dismantled letters left a faint outline spelling it out.

She and Beverly entered the abandoned mall, their footsteps trickled down the corridor, their cheap, plastic high-res jackets glimmered in the dim light. Dirty needles rattled around in their yellow disposal bins as they shuffled through. They weren’t supposed to be here, this wasn’t on their route, but Beverly was kind enough to turn a blind eye for Andrea. 

They entered the main lobby, everything was awash by an amber glow, the afternoon sun was hitting the yellow tarp as it billowed over the broken skylight. Andrea stopped at a spray painted mural. An evil looking snake coiled around a scroll with a header that read, For those that fell. She meticulously scanned the long list of names, careful not to miss one but also quick enough to not waste Beverly’s time.

“Anything?” Beverly asked.

Reaching the bottom of the list, she read a messy scrawl tagged on, Etc. 

Andrea replied, “No.” 

They carried on, pacing their way towards Cowboy Gaylord who was lounging at the dry water fountain. His cowboy hat, frayed and tattered, lifted and revealed his ragged and lacerated face, his toothless smile greeting them.  

“How goes it, Ladies?”

She remembered that water fountain, back when it was flowing with clean, chlorine water, back when she was a lean and mean, badass bitch. 

***

Back when the white lights bounced off the white walls and floor, casting everything in a synthetic heavenly glow; when the rush of shoppers strolling through the mall filled her head, their chatter rippling through her racing mind. 

This was not what she was looking for, she was hoping to walk Nathan to sleep. Something he hadn’t gotten much of lately since he started teething. The only thing that got him to sleep was walking. Since it was blistering cold outside, she thought she was being smart for taking him to the mall that was just across the street, forgetting that it was a week before Christmas.

Her oldest son, Leslie, was running around, jumping on every bench or ledge. She assumed he was pretending to be Wolverine from the X-Men since he kept holding his fists back and screaming at the passing shoppers, crouched like he was going to take a shit. 

“Leslie!” Andrea shouted as she pulled up her bra strap. “Come on,” she was one trigger away from going Hulk on him.

He stomped his way up towards her, weaving through the traffic of people. Waiting for him to catch up, she rocked the baby stroller, Nathan’s wide-open pupils were sucking in the bright lights. She wanted to go home, have a smoke and maybe a couple of Bloody Marys. Why not, she thought, tomorrow was the last day before her long weekend.

“Mom,” Leslie whined. 

“What?” She was done. 

“Can we go see Santa?” He asked, looking up at her with his big, wet eyes.

“We already did, remember?” She took his hand.

“Yeah but,” he started jumping, “Yeah but, but.”

“Leslie, calm down,” she scolded him and glanced at Nathan who was buzzing from all the commotion.

“But I don’t think he’ll remember. We have to remind him.” 

The way he moaned resembled his dad, they both would shamelessly sound as pathetic as possible, but at least Leslie had the excuse of being a child. 

She dragged him along, “You remind Santa by being a good boy. He knows when you’re good, it’s when you’re bad that makes him forget.”

Hanging his head in defeat, he was upset, but he was quiet and that was good enough.

It didn’t last long though, walking past the water fountain, Leslie tore away from her grasp. Andrea didn’t say anything, she just sighed and followed him. The mist of the sprouting water kissed her bare shoulders. Bronze Pennies carpeted the blue tile floor, she couldn’t help but scan for silver and loonies.

“Mom, let’s make a wish,” Leslie said, his voice full of newfound hope.

“Yeah, what should we wish for?” She asked, holding back her smirk, knowing he wanted to make double sure he was getting a Nintendo DS. 

Leslie puckered his lips in thought and huffed while grabbing his hips. “I don’t know.”

Andrea let out a chuckle, “Maybe to Santa?”

He enthusiastically nodded his head, “Yeah,” his eyes fell into the clear, churning water. “We could do that.”

“Okay,” Andrea sat down on the ledge and reached into the water, plucking out a penny and shaking it dry, she handed it to Leslie. “Here.”

“Mom, that’s someone else’s wish,” he said in earnest. 

“It still works.” She opened his hand and dropped the wet penny.

She heard a male voice shout at her, “Someone’s on hard times.” Turning to unleash her pent-up frustration, she stumbled with her words as she realized it was Brody.

“Oh, it’s you.” She stood up, attempting to reset herself. Brody was a sight for sore eyes, looking like a young Marky Mark, he was always flush with cash and not afraid to throw it around. What he did to earn it all, she could only speculate based on his connection with Chinese Joe who supplied her with the best kush in the city. 

His dimpled smile made her want to sit back down. 

However, her smile faded when she saw his Legion of Goons behind him. She should have known better, they were always following his trail, like dogs sniffing around for seconds. Not knowing their names, she just referred to them by her little nicknames: There was his closest ally, Rat Face followed by Winnie the Dupe and Leon the Unprofessional. 

“What are you guys doing?” She asked, ignoring Rat Face’s greasy stares. 

“Us?” Brody smirked, “We’re just creeping. You finishing your Christmas shopping?”

Looking back, she saw Leslie drop the penny into the fountain, his eyes closed shut. “Yeah, pretty much.”

Brody nodded, “How’s your newborn doing?” He peeked into the stroller.

“He’s doing good.” She wondered if there was any possibility that they could hook up tonight, with his goons loitering around, Nathan not wanting to sleep and her wearing K-Mart underwear with hairy legs, it wasn’t looking good. And then there was Leslie, he ran up and grabbed her warm hand. 

“Hey, buddy,” Brody nodded to him, “What ya wish for?”

Leslie looked down at his sneakers that were kicking at the tile floor, “I wished for my dad to come back.”

“Oh,” Brody glanced at Andrea and looked away. “He ran off again, I take it?”

“Yeah,” she said and fantasized about having a cigarette. 

He hushed under his goons’ earshot. “You want me to say anything if I see him?” 

For a good moment, she thought of many things, none she could say in front of Leslie. The first time he left, she went to the ends of the earth to find him, this time she didn’t bother to look, she just waited to hear the thud when he finally hit the ground. 

“Just, that Leslie misses him.” She tussled Leslie’s silky hair, but he ducked out of her reach and hid behind her. His little hands pulling on her already low-riding jeans, she brushed him off, afraid he’d start yanking. 

“I’ll pass the message,” Brody promised. 

***

He never got a chance to, it was only a week later Brody was shot up in his BMW. She remembered how sad she felt, the world felt a lot less pretty. That’s something she learned on her own, as you grow older the world loses its colour, like dying flowers molting back into the soil. 

“We’re okay, how are you doing?” Beverly said and nudged Andrea awake. 

Cowboy Gaylord’s head jittered in a nod, “Oh, you know, still alive.”

Andrea didn’t know if he meant that as a good thing, she suspected he didn’t know either. 

“You guys cleaning up in here now?” He asked, looking at their disposal bins. 

“No, we came to ask around,” Beverly said and turned to Andrea. 

Clearing her throat, Andrea pulled out her phone. “Have you seen this man?” She flipped through her phone and turned it towards him. Cowboy Gaylord squinted closely at the screen. 

Shaking his head, he replied, “No, he’s handsome though. He your man?”

“No,” Andrea turned off her phone, “He’s my boy.”

“Oh,” Cowboy Gaylord’s eyes softened and seemed to study her. 

Andrea turned away, walking towards the empty water fountain. Peering in, she saw there were no pennies left, just shit and garbage. 

“I’m sorry, but if you’re looking for your boy in here, I would expect the worst.” Cowboy Gaylord said. “Everyone comes to the Yoke to die.”

Reaching into her tight pockets, Andrea felt through her loose change and pulled out a dime. Flicking it into the littered pit, she made her wish, hoping for the best. She thought, what the fuck does he know, he doesn’t even know it’s called the Capital Hill Mall.