Christmas Crisis

I’ve been in the car for way too long. I’m running out of songs to play and I refuse to listen to Christmas songs on the radio. My phone is ringing for the eighth time in a row. Ugh, of course, it’s Mom again. “Hey, Mommy!”, I say as I answer the phone with faux joy. 

“Vanessa, you’re going to be late”

“I know Mommy. I’m stuck in traffic, I’ll be there soon”

“I told you to stick to the back roads, you never listen to me. Ever since you left for college you never come to visit and the family only gets to see you around the holidays. And when you do come to visit you’re always with that boy or your rowdy friends-”

At this point, I just tune her out and throw my phone onto the passenger seat. She always does this. I can never do anything right in her eyes. For the record, I’m not always with ‘that boy’ and my friends aren’t rowdy. That boy my mom is referring to is my boyfriend Jeremy. We don’t get to see each other that often because when I’m not in class, I’m working on a research project for a lab that I’m a part of. In her defense, there’s a bunch of traffic because I decided to drive home three days before Christmas. And she always, and I mean always complains about my friends and my boyfriend. 

When I got accepted into Yale, instead of being excited for her only daughter, she said, “Yale’s good but it’s no Harvard or Stanford”. I truly can never do any good in her eyes, but when it comes to my brothers she’ll blindly praise them. THEY DIDN’T EVEN GET INTO ANY IVY’S. 

She’s still rambling on the phone. I can’t make out the words she’s saying but I bet she’s talking about how much of a disappointment I am. I just told her that the service is breaking up just so I could hang up on her. 

Now Jeremy, someone who I was actually excited to speak to, called me.

“Hey, baby. What’s up? Where are you?”

“Hey. I’m kind of stuck in traffic right now. The roads are crazy!”

“Are you still stopping by my house before you go to your mom’s?”

“Um, I don’t know the traffic is really heavy but I’ll try”

“Okay cool. What time?”

“Probably 5-ish. Why? Do you have plans?”

“Yeah, I might go out later with my boys. Just let me know when you’re close.”

“Alright, I’ll talk to you later”

He’s always out with boys. 

After sitting in traffic for about two hours, I see an exit coming up and after giving it a little thought, I guess I’ll take my mom’s advice and take the back roads. Since I have time, I’ll stop by Jeremy’s! I haven’t seen him in a while. I hope he’s as excited to see me as I am to see him. A couple of weeks will be the anniversary of our first date, maybe I’ll surprise him with an early gift. 

Once I arrived at his apartment, I used the key he cut for me to stealthily enter. When I got in, I smelled candles and I saw a pair of heels next to the door. I inhaled deeply and quietly repeated to myself, “c’mon Veronica. Don’t jump to conclusions. He would never”. I gently tip-toe to his bedroom. The lights are off and the door is ajar. 

There he was. Jeremy and some trifling girl on top of him. I was so in shock that I dropped the gift that I got for him. Once they heard the loud noise they looked over to the door and once they saw my petrified face they scattered like two roaches. The girl was scurrying around the room trying to gather her belongings and Jermey was putting on pants while cowardly exclaiming, “Babe, It’s not what you think!”

“Oh really?! Because it looks like you’re cheating on me with some skank”, I said while trying to fight back tears. The tears were winning. “How dare you? How could you? I loved you. You’re a piece of trash.” I continued to scream, yell, and sob throughout all the chaos. 

While panicking, the girl grabbed her heels and ran out of the apartment barefoot and I slammed the door behind her. “How could you Jeremy?”

“V, I-”

“The dates, the late-night talks, and intimacy-did it all mean nothing to you? Was our relationship that worthless to you? Am I worthless to you?” I take a glimpse at myself in the mirror of his dresser and all I see is a pathetic clown. I feel so ashamed of myself. I promised myself I would never handle a breakup like this but I guess that was before I knew I was going to get cheated on. 

“Veronica, just hear me out-”

“Are you really going to try and justify your actions right now?”

“Yea- well no but, V, I barely get to see you. What else was I supposed to do? You’re always busy at school and work. You only have time for yourself”

“Oh so now I’m selfish?”

“That’s not what I meant-”

“You know what, I have to visit my family. Can’t deal with this right now...or maybe ever”

I run out of his apartment and into my car with tears still streaming down my face. I crank up the radio, Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer is playing, and just bawl my eyes out. I’m driving to my mother’s. Once I pull up I run inside to see my mother sitting at the table. 

“Veronica, what’s wrong?”

“He cheated on me”

“Who? That boy Jeremy. I knew there was a reason I couldn’t stand that kid”

“Mom, can you not do this right now?”

“What? I was right. You shouldn’t have been with him”

“Are you seriously going to sit here while I’m crying and say ‘I told you so’? Do you hate me that much?” Trying to have a conversation while balling your eyes out is the hardest thing anyone could do, take my word for it. 

“V, how could you ever say such a thing like that?” Her face looked like she had just seen a ghost. “You’re the light of my life”

“It sure doesn’t seem like it. You’re never proud of anything I accomplish. Everything I do seems like a mistake or disappointment to you.”

“Veronica, you’re my only daughter, I love you more than words can express.” She hugs me tight and sits me down. “I’m so hard on you because I want you to accomplish everything I never did. You’re such a smart, intelligent, young woman and I’m proud of the person you’ve become. I expect so much from you because I know you can do anything you put your mind to and you’re always up for a challenge. I guess I never thought about the effect that my high expectations would put on that and for that I’m sorry. But from the beginning, since the day you were born, I’ve always wanted the best for you.”

Her warm words soothed my aching heart. I’m still crying, I can’t tell if it’s because of what my mother said or because of my breakup- or both. “But Ma, why were you so hard on me and not my brothers?”

She sighed then said, “Being a woman isn’t easy, it has never been easy. I didn’t have the same expectations for them as I did for you because I knew it would be easier for them. That’s just how life is: it’s easier for men. You’re living proof that a woman can do it all and that’s what I admire about you. You’re a role model for younger girls. That’s why I wish you’d come around the family so your little cousins and nieces can learn from you.” 

“Ma, I love you”. All I could do was cry while embracing her.