Kindly Disregard This Letter

Kindly Disregard This Letter

May 1

Mom

THIS CAMP SUCKS!!! IT’S A PRISON!!!! 

As soon as we got here, they took away our phones and tablets! I remember Grandpa telling those stories from the old days—you know, the 80s—when Russians put their own people in prison. I think he called it a “gulag”. They told us technology was interfering with our appreciation of nature. What a load of bull!

The other girls suck too. There’s one, Katie, who thinks she’s the GOAT just because she started wearing a bra. Big deal. The sooner she has to start wearing one just means the sooner they’re going to be hanging around her knees when she’s old—you know, like, 30.

Our assigned counselor Christine sucks too. Our first night she told us GHOST STORIES!!! I’m 10, I’m not a kid anymore!

She even told us one about a ghost that hangs around the camp – Limpy Joe. She said he was a lumberjack who had a tree fall on him, which crushed his leg. But the other lumberjacks wouldn’t help him, so he chopped off his own leg, then hunted them down and chopped them up. She said he now haunts the woods, looking for a new leg. It's probably just a trick to keep us out of there at night. 

But it worked on my bunkmate Alice because she cried the whole way back to the cabin. If he’s real, I hope he gets her first.

Michelle

***

May 8

Mom

Today didn’t suck—at first.

In the morning, we shot bows and arrows. I hit the bullseye every time. After that, we did first aid.

Boooooooooooooooooooooooooring.

Alice liked it a lot. She said her mom is a nurse, so she knows all about it.

In the afternoon, we worked on map reading and had to find five spots in the woods. I was put in a group with Alice, Katie, and three boys. The boys were useless because they kept staring at Katie’s chest and she kept giggling. If boobs make you an idiot, then I don’t want any.

It got fun when we came across a dead deer. One of its legs had been ripped off. Katie said Limpy Joe killed it, then barfed on herself and ran away, and the boys ran after her.

That was cool.

Alice was the only one who stayed. I guess with her mom being a nurse, she isn’t freaked out by stuff like that.

We found the other spots and made it back. That night, Katie came up to me and said if I told anyone about what she did, she would tell everyone I had the clap.

What’s that?

Michelle

***

May 15

Mom

I had a weird dream last night.

Limpy Joe chased me through the woods. How could a one-legged man chase me? All he could do was hop. Yet somehow he caught me and as he was about to chop my legs off, I woke up.

This morning Katie’s bed was empty. Christine told us she got sick during the night and went to the infirmary. But during lunch, Alice told me something different. She told me she had gone there to get a refill for her asthma inhaler and heard the doctor on the phone. She said she heard him talk about someone—a girl—being found in the woods with her leg ripped off.

Was it Katie?

Michelle

***

May 22

Mom

I didn’t have the dream last night, but Alice did because she woke up screaming in the middle of the night and woke up the rest of the cabin. I heard the phrase “white as a sheet” but never believed it until I saw her.

I know I wished Limpy Joe would get her before, but now I don’t. She was the only one who didn’t freak out about that dead deer. She’s actually pretty cool once you get to know her.

I know what I have to do.

I have to find Limpy Joe and stop him.

That’s what Dad would’ve done, right?

Michelle

PS: Still no sign of Katie.

***

May 29

Mom

I think I have an idea of where to find Limpy Joe. There are supposed to be remains of his old logging camp somewhere on the campgrounds, but I don’t know where to look.

There's also some kind of competition going on with another camp, and that’s slowing me down. There are all kinds of different events going on, and if we’re not in them, we’re supposed to be watching and cheering on the ones who are.

Adults can be stupid sometimes. They have no idea about what’s important.

Alice is barely holding on. Watching the events keeps her calm, but she’s still jumpy. She said having me around helps her. She said she’s never had a friend before, but if this is what it’s like, she thinks she’d like to have more.

I don’t like sitting around. I want to be on offense, not defense. Looks like I’ll have to do my searching at night.

Michelle

***

June 5

Mom

It was not a good night.

I couldn’t find Limpy Joe’s camp. Even with the map and compass, I got lost twice. Things look really different at night.

But that was nothing.

When I got back, Alice was gone.

The only thing keeping me from losing it was that I gave her Dad’s dog tags. She cried when I told her what happened to Dad. But I told her they were all I had left of him, so if Limpy Joe did take her, I would have to find her, even if only to get Dad’s dog tags back.

That seemed to work—a little.

Now I MUST find Limpy Joe.

Michelle

***

June 12

Dear Mom

I SAVED ALICE AND STOPPED LIMPY JOE!!!

It didn’t go the way I planned, but it worked out in the end.

I went looking again at night, and I didn’t find Joe, but he found me. It turns out that when you’re a ghost, you’re pretty fast, even if you have only one leg.

He caught me and took me back to his lair. Alice was there, locked up in a cage and scared out of her mind. She told me he picked victims that were alone and had no one coming for them. Since she was counting on me to save her, he had to take me out first.

He showed up then, dragged me to an altar, and tied me down. As he raised an axe to chop off my leg, I said, “Is this going to bring your leg back?”

He stopped and looked at me. I guess no one had ever said that to him before. I told him he needed to get over it, that holding on to all that hurt wasn’t doing him any good. I started crying as I talked to him. 

Then just like that, he disappeared, along with the ropes tying me down and the lock on Alice’s cage. When we both made it back to camp, we told everyone what happened, yet no one believed us. But I know you will, Mom.

Maybe going to camp wasn’t so bad after all.

I love you.

Michelle

***

June 13

Dear Miss Knight

We regret to inform you several days ago your daughter fell ill after being bitten by a rare spotted albino spider that is found in the woods around our camp. While we have a well-trained medical staff here, this was beyond their capabilities, so we transferred her to a local hospital. The doctors assure me your daughter is in no danger. However, one of the more pronounced side effects is delusions. Local wildlife experts have told me such reactions are very rare.

We hope this in no way causes you to think poorly of our staff and we look forward to your continued trust in our camp.

Sincerely,

Allan Sherman

Director, Camp Ponchielli