5 comments

Mystery

Kelly was growing increasingly excited about Monday, April 8th. Her father, Charles (also known as Chuck), had promised to take her to the mountaintop to witness the eclipse. Chuck had been planning this outing for the past week, and Kelly had always been thrilled about stargazing; she firmly believed in other worlds' existence. Kelly was only 14, but she held fast to her beliefs.

"Dad," Kelly asked excitedly, "When do we start climbing to the top? It will take us about three hours, right?"

"Yes, so we need to leave around 6. That will give us time to stop by Grandma's. "Dad, do we really need to stop at Grandma's?" Kelly asked, disappointed. 'Yes, we will still have plenty of time to climb the mountain and get there in time to set up our campsite before the eclipse. Ensure you have our solar eclipse glasses; we don't want to damage our eyes. I have packed our food, and we are ready to go," Chuck told Kelly. "Woo Hoo," yelled Kelly, "Let's go."

Living in Ohio, Chuck believed they would have a great view from the top of a mountain on Grandma Helen's farm. Finally getting to Grandma's farm, Kelly truly didn't want to waste time stopping to talk to Grandma; Kelly loved Grandma but was excited to keep moving. "We will be only a minute. It's my Mom, and I want to say hello," Chuck told Kelly. As Kelly rolled her eyes and mumbled under her breath, she agreed. "But only for a minute, promise Dad." Kelly pleaded.

"Hi Mom, sorry it's so early, Chuck said to his Mom, Helen. "Don't be silly. I'll take any time I can to see you and my beautiful granddaughter." Helen said with a smile and a hug. "I have breakfast and coffee for you; it will be a long climb," Helen said. Kelly walked over to hug her grandma, "Hi, grandma," Kelly hugged her and went to the table to start eating breakfast, "come on, Dad, let's eat so we can go, please." Kelly pleaded with her father.

"Well, someone is in a hurry," Grandma replied.

"Yes, she has been excited all week, counting down the days," Chuck said to Helen.

"Will, you better eat your breakfast so you can get going, Chuck, please remember that the mountain is not a playground. Please be careful." Helen said as she locked eyes with Chuck; there is more than meets the eye on top of the mountain, "I remember, Mom," Chuck replied.

Soon after eating, Kelly was getting irritated waiting for her Dad to finish. She wanted to start up the mountain. "Come on, Dad, the eclipse will be gone before we get there,: Kelly was clearly upset. "Well, you better get going," said Helen. After saying goodbye to each other, Kelly and Chuck started up the mountain; Helen watched until they were out of sight.

After several hours, Chuck and Kelly arrived at Chuck's chosen destination. Kelly sat in her chair with her solar glasses on, staring at the sky. "You're going to get a stiff neck; we still have time," Chuck told Kelly. "I know I'm just getting ready," Kelly said, laughing.

When it was time, Kelly guided Chuck to his seat. "Look, Dad, it's coming!" They gazed towards the sky, marveling at the natural wonder. Just as the solar eclipse started, Kelly pulled off her glasses and looked around; something cold touched her leg. Pulling on Chuck's arm to get his attention, Kelly screamed, "DAD! Something touched my leg, DAD! Look." As Chuck looked down, he saw a rolling dense fog descend upon them, unsure what it was or where it came from. Chuck pulled Kelly close to him as the fog continued to envelop them in an otherworldly mist. Chuck could tell that his senses were distorted, becoming unsure of what he was seeing.

"Dad, what is going on?" Kelly asked her Dad, tears streaming down her face. "I'm not sure," Chuck answered. Suddenly, strange sounds echoed through the trees. "DAD! What's happening?" Kelly was crying and hanging on to Chuck. The peculiar sounds echoed through the trees as unseen forces seemed to guide them toward an unknown destination deep within the heart of the woods. Shadows seemed to dance among the trees, giving off a ghostly presence; unsure what was happening, Chuck grabbed Kelly and started running; the mist became thick, obscuring their view of where they were running. Chuck realized he lost sight of the path and was completely disoriented in the darkening forest. As the eclipse continued, the forest became darker, the mist thicker, causing Chuck to be unsure of which way to go.

"Ms. Helen, I am sorry, but we still have not found them. Are you sure that's the location Chuck picked?" Sheriff Coleman asked. "Yes," said Helen. I don't think you will find them; there's more on the mountain than we know,: Helen said, wiping tears from her eyes. "Ms. Helen, we are not giving up. We will keep searching until we find them." Sheriff Coleman reassured Helen.

"You keep looking, Sheriff, but I know you will not locate them," Helen told the Sheriff. "Ms. Helen, how do you know that? Are you telling me everything?" Sheriff Coleman asked, paying close attention to Helen's gestures.

The search team continued their quest to find Chuck and Kelly, who had been missing for two days. While exploring the dense forest at the top of the mountain, one of the team members stumbled upon an ancient cave hidden beneath a thick canopy of trees. Upon entering the cave, they discovered eerie symbols and artifacts that suggested a mysterious presence in the area. The symbols depicted a thicket of trees, a solar eclipse, and a rough drawing of a spacecraft beaming down on the top of the mountain. Without saying a word, a sudden cold sweat trickled down their backs; it was as if they realized the danger. The search team looked at each other and walked down the mountain.

April 08, 2024 02:45

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5 comments

John Steckley
11:38 Apr 18, 2024

The story is a good one. It is well-developed and we are kept in suspense until the end. The only problem is with the punctuation (creating run-on sentences) and a few other small issues: "Will, you better eat your breakfast" should have "Well" instead of "Will". Avoid putting commas before colons. There is an instance in which a new sentence should begin with "There" and another that should begin with "I remember Mom."

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Kristi Gott
09:11 Apr 14, 2024

This story has good rising suspense and ends with a mystery. It made me want to know more about the cave, artifacts and causes of the phenomena. Well done!

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Hazel Carter
05:00 Apr 16, 2024

Thank you.

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Rabab Zaidi
01:25 Apr 14, 2024

Really scary!

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Hazel Carter
05:02 Apr 16, 2024

Thank you, I was hoping for that reaction, leaving them wanting more.

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