Once upon a grieving dance

Chndeliers hanging high, giving you a gentle light. You look like an angel with the starry cloak of the night. Entering the ballroom with all the eyes on you, always getting the attention, like you're something brand new. And everyone is jealous, you're the main conversation, and I've never felt more afraid of them making the connection. I'm trying not to give myself away, trying not to steal a glance. I'm holding onto his arm, like I'm in his magnetic trance. But you come close to us, we're everlasting group of friends, but you're acting like you don't like me, because your true feelings make you feel afraid. 

I'm the bridge to the past, you're the bridge I want to jump from, because every time you are around, I forget where I belong to. And a new song starts playing, 

everyone is slow dancing, "The tango is played by two." you said, so I held tightly to your hand as you got us through. 

Losing a touch with reality, for a moment I forgot to worry. I've always felt more comfortable with your arms around my body. "How do you think we would've met if we hadn't met the way we did?" I ask, "We would've met where life ends and eternity begins." you answer. "A bit dramatic, don't you think?" 

"That's why we go so well together." 

I wish you hadn't said that, I want to say, but the ghost of a smile on your lips makes me want to freeze in this frame. 

"If I could have you now, forever, I would choose to remember this moment." 

Your eyes narrowed, something twinkling in them, "I wish you hadn't left me." Your words, like ivy, suddenly wrapped themselves around my lungs, making it harder to breathe. "I wish you didn't let me leave." I breathed out. 

I'm the biggest of your mistakes, you're the biggest of my crimes, but I've never once regretted having you in my life. In my dreams I'm making you your favourite dessert and nothing bad has ever happened to us. But right now you spin me around and my eyes land on him, his piercing blue eyes now burning holes in our bodies. He always looks so careful at us, because he knows we're just the same, 

and sometimes I can't help but wonder how you're more myself than I am. 

You are the breaking of my heart. Sometimes I feel like you run over my heart again and again. Like it is a pomegranate and you're stabbing it with a knife, without realising how much damage that could cause. And you take it out carefully, eat every seed slowly, devouring it like it's the last thing you'll ever eat. Your fingers are stained in wine-dark colour, but you don't seem to notice all the mess you have done with it, with your carelessness. I have a few seeds left now and I need to keep them safe. I have to keep a distance from you in order to keep myself whole and sane. My heart will forever be under your nails; you are stained with me. 

"You did this to us." your words sharper than the knife you twisted in my back, as you pull me closer to you, as you spin me around one more time. 

"You know damn well why I did it." 

"You always have a choice, Katerina." your brows furrowed, your eyes darkened. 

Looking at him, then looking at you, lashes fluttering like butterflies, cars racing in the beat of our hearts. "I would have loved you until the end." You suddenly say and.. Hurt – what a blant word to describe what hearing you say that did to me. Devastated. Shattered. You must've felt the same when you saw me with him. 

"You said.," you started. The song was near the end. "You said that you're angry at the divine for not letting you intertwine your soul with mine." you gently lift my chin, so I can look into your eyes. "That is why I let you leave. You can't look at me tender, whisper words so sweet, and then say you don't feel the way you act with me." 

"Back then, I was weak and confused, I had to make something out of myself, something worthy of you. Everyone would have pointed their fingers at us. The butcher's daughter with the youngest Caldwell." 

"They would've pointed their fingers at us anyway." 

"You don't understand what I'm trying to say." 

"I loved you with your armour off, Katerina. I hope it was worth it what you did to us." 

Confession, redemption, last seconds of a note, last move to the right, last touch on the waist, last whispered goodbye. "None of this gold is worth the price I paid for giving up my lover." 

The song stops playing, everyone is back around their tables, and the only thing I wanna do is turn around and run away with you. But he is right there and his eyes, they are so soft, he knows exactly how I feel, he knows that it was you long before it was him. And he told me he dreamt about me long before we met, he's the knight in shining armour, swearing to always fight the demons and protect. 

Everyone is sipping champagne from crystal flutes, losing themselves in the rustle of silk and gold. What a glittering world filled with empty glances, but curious stares. What is in the past should stay in the past, because bringing it into the present always leads to something bad, and we made such a big mess. If these people knew, they would've sentenced us to death. 

I will always burn for you, Rebecca. We should've found the second star to the right and stayed in Neverland, because to this day I still regret not choosing you instead. But how could I? With all these people saying it's sin. You didn't felt like a sin; you felt like liberty. 

Maybe in another life we'll get the chance to love each other freely, proudly. But in this one, it was one for the money and two for the show, and if I wasn't a coward, I would've been ready to go.