Choices

My life had been decent enough.

I’d drone on about how monotonous my life was, having this repeated realization that I should be grateful that I had this kind of life.

I might be feeling lonesome and all, but at least I had a stable job and life, though the latter is a different story…is job and life are even correlated? I don’t even know.

I’d see other apartment dwellers going outside for work. I’d been cooping up in my little world, freelancing by simply editing or proofreading words, and only went outside if groceries were needed. The pay was decent enough but insufficient if I were to nurture a family. With this mindset, I’d never have a girlfriend.

I wasn’t sure how to feel. Lack of socialization really made a difference in my life, muchly negative. But then again, I’d compensate for that by turning my nose up at other dwellers who spend too much time on others, drowning themselves in alcohol and despair…I ran out of words to say, but you get the point.

I forced a smile as I opened the door. This day I needed resources: whole foods and water. I’d been eating nutrient-deficient foods for convenience’s sake—now I had decided to change my diet, even just for a little bit, so that I could do my work without feeling deathly.

I walked along the corridor, glancing at the skies, then I encountered a girl sitting on the stairs, asleep. Arms crossed on knees, head dropped.

I sneaked downstairs. I glanced behind at her then continued. Is she homeless? No, she couldn’t be since she wore a black hoodie and jeans. Or maybe she ran away from home because of domestic violence? Nope. I reached the ground and left the apartment.

I breezed along the streets, crossed the train track, and stopped as I looked at the 7-11 convenience store. This was when I thought of buying a bike since the market was a little too far. Yes—even I didn’t have a bike. I just walked. I sucked it up and proceeded.

To-buy lists weren’t my thing, and I’d actually tried listing all the essentials, scratching my head till it bled. I’d thrown the notes into the bin and decided to buy them on a whim, depending on my appetite.

I crossed the road. Clouds uncovered the sun, and I was sweating a bit already since I didn’t usually walk that far.

A few strangers fiddled with their phones, not even looking at the zebra crossing. Cars and bicycles went left and right. I was the only one who had a higher life expectancy here.

I crossed the road. I looked at the canopied parking lot just for bicycles, neatly organized in a row. A few cars were parked by the sidewalk—several strangers carrying on with their eco-bags. I entered the mall, and the guards inspected me.

The air-conditioning was weak like they just opened it now. When I graduated college, my last time coming here was when I bonded with my classmates, though we were separated by our own circles.

It’d been five years since.

Cashiers scanned one item to another from each customer, the latter passing me by the exit with their neutral faces—some of them were even playing with their phones.

I didn’t usually use my phone since I didn’t have many contacts. My parents didn’t even call me that much, let alone my friends.

Friends?

One of them had called me to ask for a favor—a financial favor—and when I got into it, she ghosted me.

Mind you, I had little money to begin with. That was also when I decided to refuse every reunion invitation possible.

It wasn’t like I was sad or anything; I was just tired. A lukewarm life like this wouldn’t kill me—what mattered was that I was existing. Didn’t matter if I didn’t have that many connections; people were problems anyway.

Did I sound anti-social? Definitely, but really, I’d learned way too much than I could during my high school years. College? Not much, just a tedious progression.

A random kid toddled toward me, looking up at me, his eyes sparkling. He touched my legs, both-handed, grinning. The mother smiled at me, and I nodded along.

I wasn’t good at smiling at strangers, but I could at least make eye contact. She gently grabbed his arm then dragged him away.

Oddly enough, it gave me a bit of motivation for the day. Sometimes the little things can give you a nudge, and I happened to experience one—and now that I’d thought about it, the girl, sleeping on the stairs, crossed my mind. Assuming that she’d stay there, I’d buy something she’d like.

I tugged out a blue basket and a cart from the others, and when I moved it, the wheels squeaked. I disposed of it immediately, so I took another one that doesn’t move as if God slathered too much friction. Others avoided the ditched cart, of course, and I carried on with my smoother shopping cart.

Let’s see… I decided to go to the fruit and vegetable section before wasting my money on chips and sodas. Indeed, I was changing my life this time, and diet was my first priority.

On slant-top stands, there were apples, oranges, bananas, pineapples, and others. On the other side, there were carrots, lettuces, cabbages, onions, etcetera. They were all packaged. Otherwise, you’d have to get them weighed by the aproned employer.

Since I was lazy, I just picked whatever looked good: mainly the fruits that were easily peeled and veggies that would go along with pasta like tomatoes, onions, cauliflowers, and cucumbers. I found cooking pasta the easiest, and I could just slap scrambled eggs into them for protein.

And that was about it.

I suspected I didn’t have much in me since these whole foods were pretty expensive. I could just also buy snacks in my favorite convenience store. I skirted the store, went to each section—canned foods, spices, biscuits, dairy, meat, and miscellanea. I brought eggs, which I almost forgot.

I fell in line and thought of buying a floss or a new toothbrush, which can be reached within my grasp. Nah. Or how about chocolate for the girl? I grabbed a Dairy Milk chocolate, gloss-violet wrapping, then I dropped it in my account.

I pulled my basket out from my cart and set it on the counter. The cashier kept glancing up at me. I looked away, wondering why she kept glancing up at me like that.

I plucked out an eco-bag from the hook and put it into my basket. After scanning, the bagger crammed my necessities into the bag. I cringed at how he handled my eggs, so I took another eco-bag and gave it to him—paid extra to the cashier.

After separating the eggs from the fruits and veggies, I took my eco-bags and went toward the exit. The sun prickled my face and skin, and I seriously craved a bike. I retraced my steps to my home, climbed upstairs, and—

She was still there, sleeping.

I only noticed by now that she was wearing slippers. Slowly I put down my eco-bags, sifted through one of them, taking my Dairy Milk chocolate.

I set it right beside her, pulled myself back, then off I went with my groceries. One last backward glance, then I finally went inside my room.

I settled my groceries on the couch, and I’d separate them later. Clothes off, I showered for half a minute since I was all sweaty, then I decided to nap. I’d be doing this every week.

I was slowly changing my life.

Weeks went by, and the girl took to me. It was when I sneakily put my plastic-packaged apples beside her, and she suddenly grabbed my wrist. You’d know that she startled me as if her grip came straight from a horror movie.

“Why are you so kind, mister?” She was still clutching my wrist. She slowly rose her head, glancing up at me, eyes overturned. This was the first time I ever saw her face.

“Where do you live?” It was unwise of me to ask that.

“Nowhere.”

“Nowhere?”

“I’m abandoned,” she said, then her voice mumbled. “No…more like I abandoned them.”

“I see…” She released my wrist. I flattened my lips for a moment. “Well, if you have no place to rest, you can just swing by. Otherwise, you can sleep here on the stairs, and you’ll be served right away. A girl like you shouldn’t share the same house with me. Anyway, here’s the apples.”

She stared at me, scrutinizing every part of my soul. I awkwardly set the packaged apples on the stairs, and off I went. When I was looking for my keys, the girl teleported in my left side, wrapping herself with one arm, her eyes tilted down. The packaged apples were tucked in her arms.

I twiddled the knob and went inside, followed by her. “I’ll prepare a room for you,” I said, “but for now, you can sleep in my room, and I’ll sleep on the couch—”

“Th-that’s too much, sir.” She looked at me, wary. “I can sleep just about anywhere.”

“Nah, it’s fine.” I threw my bags onto the couch. “I’m used to sleeping here. I only go to my room when I’m brainstorming. My room is yours now.”

She pursed her lips and looked about. To be honest, I was smelling something weird from her. Of course, not to judge her badly, and she had it rougher than me, but nonetheless, I told her, “You can take a shower all you want.” She nodded. She put the packaged apples on the table and went to the bathroom.

My apartment was a bit small, so she could easily access every space, reachable within her grasp. She finished showering, came outside with her clothes already on, her hair dripping wet. While she was drying herself with a towel, I gave her my comb. “What size fits you?” I asked. “Small?”

She shrugged. I opened my laptop and browsed for online shops to find clothes for her. She realized what I was onto. “Sir, um, I don’t need clothes. I’m content on staying here.” I ignored her.

The more she didn’t need everything, the more I wanted to give her everything.

“Here,” I said, shifting my laptop toward her. She frowned. I didn’t react. “You may choose whatever you like here. They even have these shirt-and-shorts combos, but that’s on you.” I taught her how to scroll with the trackpad. Soon she got into it. I gave my seat to her.

“How about this one?” She finally took over. In the end, it was the shirt-and-shorts combo, gray and black. I carted it.

“Another one.”

“No.”

“You’ll need like seven of those just to get by. Don’t worry about the laundry. I’ll handle the chores for you.”

Her face gleamed with an idea. “I can at least do the chores.”

“Yeah, sure, but please continue shopping.” She was surprised that I finally submitted. That gave her enough motivation to scroll down the pages and onto the next page. She mostly picked dull-colored clothes, white, gray, and black, then I’d carted them all.

“This might be awkward,” I said, “but you can fill in the search bar to find your panties, socks, and other clothing.” She nodded as if it was nothing. I was overthinking it.

Again she picked the dull colors, and I threw them all in my cart. Actually, she carted most of them when she learned how to do so. She only went for the panties and skipped the socks. She now knew the basics of using a laptop.

I came back with two glasses of water and set them on the coffee table. She stared at me, her gaze softened. I drank. She sipped. “Thank you…for everything,” she said.

“Why are you saying that like you’re going to leave?” It’d only been three hours, and now she was getting emotional. “Never mind. Welcome.”

She smiled. “I’ll do the chores, okay? Everything in this house that needs to be managed.”

I shrugged. “Suit yourself. About your clothes, they will be delivered either today or tomorrow. For now, you can do whatever you want. I’ll be mostly working with my laptop, so you can act like I don’t exist.”

She tilted her head. “How do you work with your laptop? Is it like a virtual job?”

“Yeah. Freelancing.” She seemed interested, which was bad because she might dive into it to help me even more. But I only had one laptop, so no worries. “Trust me, it’s way harder than having an actual job.” Discouraging her felt unnecessary.

“Then I’ll support you!” She stood. “I’ll look for a part-time job.” Discouraging her actually made it worse.

“Sit down and relax. No need for that—I’m already happy that you’re willing to manage my apartment.” She leaned on me for my approval. I stared at her. “No,” I continued, “I won’t allow you this time. Sorry.”

Her head dropped. “…I only wanted to help you.”

I sighed. “Fine, how about this—you will only help me when things are getting rough.” She glanced up at me. “I want you to relax—you’ve been through a lot, I know that, so that’s why I’ll give you all the comfort possible.”

She nodded. “I understand. You’re a strange guy, though you’re overly kind. Your kindness is hurting me—it’s making me feel guilty.”

“What, like—I’m being taken advantage of by you?” She nodded again. “To be honest, I’m pretty lonely. That might be the major factor in me helping you. Solitude can really bring you to places.” A moment of silence. She sat and looked into the flickering screen of my laptop.

“I’m Elisa,” she said. “Elisa Ai.”

“Niko Yuuma.”

“Ai.”

“Niko.”

“Calling me by the first name already?”

She grinned. “Please, call me mine too.”

“Elisa.” She was taken by surprise. Her reaction was mild enough. “Alright, Elisa, you may devour all the foods in the fridge. I’ll be preparing your room now.”

“Wait!” she said when I walked away. I looked over my shoulder. She was lost for words. “…Never mind.”

And so, I began setting up her room.

I never once thought that I’d be using this cobwebby room. I didn’t normally hoard stuff, and I especially didn’t want to waste my money.

While I was setting up her room, she was playing with my laptop. A few hours later, her room set-up was now complete.

“Elisa,” I said. “I’m done.” Behind me sounded thudding footsteps, and she stood beside me by the doorway. Elisa seemed as if she didn’t expect this at all. “I’m sorry if it’s too small—”

“It’s wonderful!” Elisa beamed at me. “I never had this kind of room all my life…” If you’re curious, the room had a simple hanger, a futon, an electric fan, a few mangas, many books, and an open window—meager eighteen square meters, slightly bigger than a manga café room.

I felt like it wasn’t complete at all, but I guess you only need a bed in a room, then you’re all set.

Knocks sounded through the door, and I guessed that it was the delivery man. Elisa said she’d answer it and bellied up to the door. I followed.

Since it was cash on delivery, I gave the money to the delivery man and tipped him, too. He said thanks. Once he left, I slid the heavy box backward, both-handed, and settled it in the living room.

“I’ll manage these clothes myself,” Elisa said, “please at least let me do this.”

“Sure.” I was actually just going to ask her to do that herself. I guessed my image was a bit too rough for her. I gave her scissors. Then she slit the box open smoothly, and she was like a child receiving the biggest gift ever.

I plonked down the couch, wondering if I should fetch a fast-food take-out for late lunch.

One by one, she hung the clothes on the hanger. Then she carried the box to the room, which I assumed that it only contained her panties and bras, and came back saying that she’s done. I went to her room.

“Hmm…” I’d thought of buying her a cabinet so that she could organize her books, manga, and clothes in a single piece of furniture. Dammit, why do I sound fatherly all of a sudden? This is what also happens when you’re detail-oriented. Being an editor and a proofreader speaks for itself. I kept quiet about the cabinet. “Nice.”

She hugged me. I raised my arms high. “Thank you so much,” she said. She stayed like this for several seconds, and her warmth was beginning to burn me. She released, eyes smiling, lips flat.

“You hungry?” I asked.

“No…not much.”

“Well, I am. I’ll call up for fast-food delivery service. It will probably take at least thirty minutes, one hour max.”

She nodded. “You sure like to get things delivered…Niko.”

“This is just me being lazy.” I walked to my coffee table and grabbed my phone, and I still had my McDonalds’ contact number. I called them and specified the menu—two pieces of chicken, fries, and tuna pies.

I hung up shortly afterward. Elisa skirted the apartment and into the kitchen. A steady stream sounded from there; a faucet and dishes began clanging.

That was her first household duty.