A Man's Thoughts on Marriage and Loss

It has been exactly 10 days, three hours, and 45 minutes since Mark Reed sat down with his wife, Meredith, to discuss their divorce. They have had a rough couple of years with Meredith's secret affair. Before his wife's admission, or more a forced one, because Mark, his best friend John, and his wife Jillian had found the reason why Meredith was always out so late for work, Mark had blamed their marriage failure on himself, thinking he was the reason they were not doing so well. Still, little did he know that wasn't the case.

At first, he was in denial because he couldn't believe for one minute that his wife of almost nine years would ever cheat on him. They were high school sweethearts and had married quickly right out of high school. Now, every time Mark saw their wedding photo on the nightstand, he couldn't stand to look at it because it was only a painful reminder of when things were once good between them, but now they're not.

Meredith had pleaded with him to stay for the sake of their children and was willing to work things out in their marriage, but when trust is broken, it is hard to get back to how things were before. It opened his eyes to see so much that had gone wrong in their marriage, which he wouldn't have recognized at first if it wasn't for their therapist, whom they'd been seeing once a week.

"Now, Mark, tell me why you've come to see me," Dr. Smith says, briefly going through her notes on her iPad and back to him.

Mark cleared his throat and leaned back into the loveseat. "I think my wife's said it all."

"Yes, Meredith, but I want to hear your reason. Maybe you have something else you want to say that differs from what she said in this session," Dr. Smith said.

"Ok, so we're here, or I guess I'm here to see what we can do to improve our marriage," Mark answered.

"Hmm, ok. Tell me how you guys got together."

That first session with Dr. Smith was painful, but he did it. He sat through an hour-long session with her and Meredith, although he felt he'd rather go through another root canal than do that.

After two years of trying to salvage their relationship, Mark was done. It didn't help that Meredith told him she had excommunicated the man she had an affair with and found out almost two weeks ago that she was still contacting the same man. He found phone bills from the same registered number at odd hours of the night, plane tickets to the same place she claimed they were for a work trip, and a recent email from a resort manager sending the last bill to his wife with the words: "Thank you for your stay here with us, Mr. and Mrs. Reed." It was the same resort they had stayed at a few years ago, but he guessed that his wife didn't think the resort would send him a copy of the email.

His children stayed with his parents while he was at their house, trying to determine the next steps. All he knew was that he was ready to put this past him, and after going through the five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, and depression, he was prepared for the last step: acceptance.

He and Meredith hadn't told their children about their impending separation yet, but he could tell they felt it was coming. If there was one thing he wanted out of this, and he had told Meredith this, it was to spare the kids the heartbreak as much as he could. Meredith agreed they would both tell the kids when they were ready.

As he sat in his backyard, nursing a glass of brandy he found in one of the cupboards, he couldn't believe that this was even real life. His life was a mess, yet he felt the strength from some high being in the sky, looking down at him. If there was a god, and in some ways, he hoped there was, he could get through this with a few scratches.

All his buddies, including John, who had been there to see his marriage implode, were a great support system he could lean on. His parents, Barry and Jane, have been caring for the kids lately while he and Meredith have figured out the legalities with their lawyers. For example, they got this house together with the help of both sides, the parents, and now they have to figure out what's going to happen to it alongside whether they get joint custody or battle it out until one parent wins, but he didn't want any of that.

None of his friends understood what it was like to go through a divorce because they were all in happy and thriving marriages. Nobody knew the exact reason why he was getting the divorce, except for John, of course, but he wanted to keep that part of his marriage to himself because it was too embarrassing for anybody to find out. He didn't want to bash his wife, so he kept his explanation discreet whenever one of his friends or relatives asked.

Mark can still recall the night he brought up the talk of divorce. He could've sworn Meredith knew that this was coming with the way she would have a legitimate explanation for all his questions, but when he showed proof of her infidelity, the woman dared to break down in heartwrenching sobs as if her tears would somehow persuade him to change his mind.

Now, he and his wife were going through the whole divorce process, and although some of his wished they weren't going through it, he had to come to terms with the fact that there are just some things you cannot fix no matter how hard you try.

The sun was beginning to set as part of the sky turned a myriad of pinks and oranges. He can't remember the last time he let the day go by, but lately, he has been doing it more and more. But one thing was certain: he wouldn't waste another sunset mourning over his failed marriage. He was done.

This time, Mark Reed would turn a new leaf and enjoy what was left of this life. His ex-wife was coming to the house tomorrow to pack some of her things. He decided he didn't want the house and was going to let her have it, but she said she didn't want it either and was planning to live with her sister. But he knew that wasn't going to happen. He heard from a friend of a friend that Meredith would live with Frank. The man she was leaving him for. The CFO of the company she worked for.

As much as that would have hurt him more, Mark was ready to settle their affairs, sign those papers, and live his life. Everything of his and the children's have been packed up and are kept safe in storage. The day he found out about his ex-wife's affair, he made sure he got his things out of the house, then waited until he had a conversation with her to see about moving all of the kids' things out, too.

It had to be a godsend that Meredith didn't overreact to him packing all their children's clothes and things. She knew it was her fault that all of this was happening. That day, she said: "I know I messed up, so do what you think is best, but please don't fight for full custody of the kids. I want to see my kids." So, he was going to make sure that was clearly underlined in the papers drafted up by his lawyer and taken to court. He wasn't heartless. He couldn't do that to the woman he once loved.

All he could do now was to make sure he kept his head sane throughout the months ahead of him because in contacting a divorce lawyer, he had told her that it would take him months for his petition to be processed through the family court, but if his ex-wife was compliant, it shouldn't take him more than a year max. The sooner he can get through all the steps, the faster he can get his petition signed by the judge.

He was ready to move on. Perhaps it was the first time he discovered his suspicions about his wife that prepared him long before the divorce, but he knew he was ready to end this chapter of his life for a happier one.

This was truly acceptance.

Holding his glass up to nobody, Mark downs another shot of brandy with a closed-mouth smile. "Here's to moving forward with no regrets."