Three Tasks to Escape the Dark

Hell burned in a way that was expected and completely foreign all at once. It was not the fiery heat that had been imagined in many of the stories from Earth, but instead it was a bone-chilling cold that swept through the senses like breathing dry ice. It made extremities ache and organs shrink. Every movement, every thought, was that much more difficult than they would have been considered in life. Despite it all, shallow breaths managed to escape from Mia’s open mouth, and she could sense thoughts, her own thoughts, still present in her mind.

No one knew what happened after death. It was one of the few truths of human existence; before succumbing, there was no way to know what truths that darkness would bring. No one knew what the soul truly was, or how goodness would be judged. However, now that death had passed, it was as if understanding had always existed inside the girl’s mind. She revisited memories with perfect clarity: the time when she was 11 and had stolen earrings from a distracted street vendor for a friend, the time she had bullied a classmate after school, and the bird she had taken as a pet who she had mistreated and malnourished until death. Those aches, the pressure of her failures, resonated inside her as painfully as they had in the very moments when she had succumbed to evil and weakness. She knew that her purpose here was to right these wrongs, the ones that had caused the most self-loating through her life. She somehow knew that if she was able to accomplish this, then a door would open and she would be free of this painful existence. Until then, she knew she must suffer as she fixed her mistakes. Her soul made peace with the idea that she would exist as Mia for a while longer. One day, she understood that she would be free to attempt a regular life again.

Mia’s eyes adjusted to the world around her. Opening her lids felt as if she was forcing open blinds that had been bolted shut - ones that were strong enough to protect her house from the blizzard that raged. People could easily become lost in that moment alone, for the strength to open that which is so decidedly closed takes its own fair amount of effort. Mia pushed through not because of some noble purpose, but because she understood that nothing would change if she let the world continue around her. One day, the only thing that could be done here was to open her eyes. She chose today to go ahead with that first step, and thus bypassed the first major test of hell: admittance of what must be done and why. The light burned and it took several seconds for her eyes to adjust. When they did, she stared straight in front of her as if her body was primed to take the first steps on this new journey. She forced one foot in front of the next, ignoring the biting pain of pins and needles that ran through her each time her muscles extended and contracted. Her head dropped and she saw her feet move, almost removed from the motion because of the pain. With this new angle, she also saw her hands dangling loosely at her side and suddenly a small amount of heat filled her. On her hand, she carried her wedding ring. The gemstone sat perfectly around her finger, the pressure of it so natural that she had not even realized it was still with her. She let a smile cross her face, a rebellion against the pain of creating it. It was as if the universe had recognized the entirety of her existence from that life, the good and the bad, and had wanted to credit her for the love she had shared. She thought of the person who was linked to her through that ring. Kia’s shoulder-length black hair and her sarcastic smirk made Mia giggle almost hysterically. Yes, that was it! She had been given a task. She had been given a reason. She had been given a path to redemption.

How could people not believe in the innate goodness of this existence?

She trudged forth, holding that small amount of warmth in her heart. Staring down the path, she saw a shadow who sat at the side of the road. The figure began as a mere blob, but upon approach Mia saw their features more clearly. It was a woman from one of her visions; the one who she had stolen from as a child. She understood in her heart, without a single word necessary, that the woman had dealt with many instances such as hers. She had been abused by passers-by and landlords, con-men who pretended to be interested in her stock but would call their banks after making purchases to ensure she received no money for her wares. She had passed away from the abuse. Mia held the pain of her story, and the pain of being part of the problem. She let the pain wash through her - the understanding that she was partially to blame for something so terrible. Then, the woman spoke.

“I hold no hatred for the trajectory of my life. In my death, I found my struggles to be a blessing. For I was given grace and peace, the understanding that there were varied degrees of evil I encountered and that all humans carry some darkness within. I chose, before my soul leaves this body, to share that lesson with as many people as I could. We are connected through such a small moment; a split-second choice made to impress a peer that was made without consideration. However, such does still connect us and is an action that is atoneable from. You have the understanding of what was done and the impact that it had. You must carry this knowledge of what is right and wrong for the reminder of this life and into your next. You are tasked with being good in the simplest sense of the word. It is this that I ask. Will you commit to this?”

“I shall. I shall carry a righteous moral code and will think carefully about the unintended consequences of all actions without anyone to direct me. I shall do this through the rest of my life as Mia, and in the next life as well. For you, I will be good.”

The woman smiled, pride and peace present in the creases of her eyes and the width of her smile. In a mere moment, the blink of an eye, she had disappeared. In her place, it was as if sunlight shone in a small circle. Mia stepped towards it with a hand outstretched, and reveled in the peace and warmth of the promise she had made. The feeling was wonderful, too wonderful, for all she wanted was to exist in that moment of promise. She knew it was not possible - it was a trick to keep her from fulfilling the actual duty of the promise. By staying there, she would not finish atoning. She would not truly be good as the lady had asked of her. The pleasure of that sunlight washed over her more fiercely, practically begging her to stay. She fought against it, and plunged back into the crushing cold of her path. Her fist clenched around the ring as she did.

Pebbles of hail batted down at her, striking her head and shoulders, back and hands. One fist remained clenched around her wedding ring, preserving any hint of love and warmth it still held. Trees began to appear around her, and behind them shadows lurked in the shape of humans. She heard whispers of gossip, which quickly began to grow in volume until they were instead screams of malicious indifference to her receiving ears. She saw a group of young girls through a break in the trees, sitting around a picnic table that glowed with such light she expected to see the sun situated in the background behind them, focusing all of its attention on a single ray. Seven of them laughed easily, taking the time to hold hands as they gathered together and danced into the now thick forest. Two girls remained, one a mere shadow, and one a lonely, portly girl, whose hair hung over her face and her eyes blazed with tears and a quiet rage. Mia saw the ghost of herself stand up after the others had vanished, turning her snide expression towards her supposed friend. Words flew from the shadow in snarls and blows, sinking her peer further into her mental abyss. Agonizing minutes passed. Mia was frozen in place, tears falling from her own eyes at her ugliness and rage. She remembered feeling slighted, not because this girl had done anything to her personally, but because the love she received was never to be what the other girls shared. She did not know how they had the mental synchronicity to craft songs and read each other's minds at slumber parties. She didn’t fit in like that, and had therefore been grouped with this other follower in the groups’ mind and she hated it. Envy burned through every pore and the shadow began to grow in size, becoming menacing. The girl at the table appeared more scarred than ever before as she turned to the ghost of Mia.

“I remember you being bullied. I remember what the other girls did and said. I remember when I realized, years after these memories, that you simply did not know how to handle what had been my life for years by that point. You had grown up with close friends, best friends. Losing them, and not being enough for that crowd, just have been hard. However -”

Her eyes turned dark with rage and sadness.

“I didn’t deserve those words from you. I did not deserve to be pulled aside and barked into for things I can’t control. For things like the way my body exists that you championed later in life.” Her words bit with truth. I had grown to have plenty of plus-sized friends, and had often spoke about how people should not be judged on something so arbitrary. All Mia wanted to do was hang her head and wallow in her ugliness, but she forced herself to meet the girl’s eyes. She had promised to be good. She would listen in the face of her failures. She would seek to atone.

“In your next life, you will deal with an imperfect body, and the soundness of mind to understand the disadvantages it will give you. Every day you will be challenged with persevering through something that no one else around you will truly understand, and persevere you must because things will not come as easy to you as they did in this last life. I test you with this so that your soul will remember the truth of those pretty words you spouted. You will be just like everyone else.”

The pain blossomed behind my head, unfurling like tendrils of vine that wrapped around my blood vessels. I could feel my body attacking itself, hacking different organs to miniscule pieces. Mia screamed her acceptance of the sentence, and fell to the forest floor in a smoldering pile of flame and ash. She felt every inch of her skin but none of her senses; the beauty of sight and sound were erased, and her tongue felt like it was missing from her mouth. She lay there for what could have been minutes or seconds or hours. One day, she pushed herself upright and continued on, one foot after another.

Mia understood herself to be approaching her final task. Echoes swept through the woods around her, whispering words she knew all too well. They were her darkest thoughts, her worst panic spirals. They were the sentences that had almost driven her to madness so many times. Words that spoke of her weakness and self-pity. Each one was a stab to her heart, as fresh of a thought as the moment in her life when they had first become considerations. She felt terrible, as the worst versions of herself were thrust into light in front of her and she was made to trudge onward past the scene of each. She saw the times she hurt those around her and she saw the times she hurt herself in turn. She saw the times she had run away through drugs to rid herself of fear and everything else that was life for a short time. Then, she heard a flutter of wings.

The small parakeet hovered above her for a mere moment before speeding to perch on a nearby branch. Tears welled in the girl’s eyes as she took in his beautiful feathers, and the look of sad apprehension in his eyes. He did not speak to her like the humans. Their eyes met, and she knew the task he set in front of her as if the knowledge had been gently set inside her mind. Her biggest failure was as a protector. This creature had placed its faith and life in her hands, and she had run away from the responsibility. Thus she knew, in her next life, she would have people run from the responsibility of her. Those closest to her would not know how to treat her, and there would be times she would hate them for it. However, she knew that through it all she would love them, and that would be the worst part of the ache. As the tears fell from her eyes at the thought of her loss, the security she would never have in the next life, the bird alighted atop her shoulder. He gave her little kisses on her ear and her sobs turned to laughter. There would still be love in her, and in her life. She reached her hand toward the bird, running her fingers down his silky feathers. He turned from her head and granted those same kisses onto her wedding ring. Suddenly, a thick mist fell over the pair and Mia felt her hand being taken. It was a familiar grip, one that had always reassured and calmed her. She took a step forward, her life a summation of tiny gestures and impacts on other souls as well as the impact of other souls on her. She allowed herself to be swallowed, and taken into the next life.