Distant, but Cherished Comfort

To my beloved, Jasmine.

1800 Heartstring Avenue

Milwaukee, Wisconsin, 53217

To the love of my life,

Jaz, I write to you from a land of beauty and shadows. To this place, I swear to never return. For the horrors that linger behind each wall, each tree, and over each mountain are unknowable. I sit awake at night watching the moon silently dance through the sky, the only light in this forsaken land. 

Evil may persist but not all is fowl. I have found solace, and an unnatural level of affinity, in the men and women beside me. The jokes and laughter tide me over and keep my mind preoccupied. They are my saviors.

Together we have suffered much. Nearly every day is spent hiking with our gear and guns. Through endless mountains and hills we walk. Food is scarce, but at least water is plentiful. These long days and nights would be unbearable if not for the men and women beside me. I promise to you, when this is all over, you will get to meet the ones who helped shoulder the burden and get me through this mess. 

The landscape alone does not create all of our hardships. I feel that each and every one of us has contracted and fought off diseases that are unknown to man. I feel sorry for our poor medics. They all try to keep us as healthy as possible, yet they are helpless in the face of disease. I hope they know we appreciate them. They truly have a job I do not desire.

Just the other night, two nights ago to be exact. My good friend Nathan was wounded. The medics got him out safely and worked for hours to keep him alive. However, it was in vain. Despite the blood and sweat poured over Nathan, I have had to say goodbye to another friend. I don’t think I will ever be the same. He has two kids, Jasmine, two kids that will no longer have a father. His wife will never feel the warmth of his hand again. Some nights I just sit alone in the twilight and wonder why he died, and I didn’t. 

Sometimes I find myself placing rocks on top of each other. I create little forts and houses out of them. I feel a Lego set, despite its size, would be a great distraction here. I’ve always found peace taking those little bricks and creating a new item from them. There is something satisfying about seeing your creation come to life. I wish I could organize my thoughts in the same manner. I wish I could put Nathan back together as if he was another Lego set. Maybe then I would be able to piece together what I should say to his wife and kids.

My darling, I have great news. Despite all that is wrong, I have found an inner strength. You always told me how soft-spoken I was, but that is no more. I have found my voice in song. We sing every night here to ease our minds of the stress and the terrors of this war. We sing of happiness, sadness, laughter, and tears. We sing all through the night, warding off what we know watches our every move. We sing until we are hoarse and swallowing causes great pain. However, we continue for those we have already lost would want us to smile.

Our songs will often remind me of the days I would lay sick in bed, and you would gently run your fingers through my hair while singing. The soft smile on your face always looking down to me. The warmth I felt from you always gave me the strength to get better. You sang of me being your sunshine, but in those moments, you were mine. It may be selfish, but when I return, I wish to experience that once again. Just you and me. Maybe this next time we can sing it together. 

If I am fortunate enough to make it home to you, there will not be a day that goes by without my voice singing of our love. As it goes here, when I am alone, I sing for you: for your smile, for your love, and for your embrace. All of which I dearly miss and without may have me driven to complete madness.

The seasons are on the cusp of winter. Cold wind blows from the mountains in the north. We can smell smoke and food. The enemy is near. If all goes well, I will be home soon. However, with the frosty air comes a new sense of dread. We all sing our favorite holiday songs to brighten the mood, but in the silence between them the icy grip returns to our minds. We may sing of presents under the tree, and coming home to those we love, but I feel it is more of a dream and not that of reality. 

Despite the bitter weather, orders have come down that we will be on the march again soon. More mountains to climb, but this time in poor weather. Every night the snow turns to ice. Each and every one of use have fallen and received a frozen face wash. Despite its pristine beauty and tranquil appearance, snow is very troublesome. I am glad we live in the south, and when I return, the only snow I wish to see will be in movies.

I count down the days till which I may see you again. I know we have a little one on the way, they way you were getting sick in the morning before my departure was sign to me that our love has finally blossomed. And with 6 more months ahead I cannot wait for it to bloom into its full being. I’ve heard rumors that this next set of orders is to create a new base further into the mountains. Once we do that, we will be relieved by 10th Company, and we will finally be relieved to return home. I pray that rumor comes to fruition. I like to think of myself as a soon-to-be father, and not worry about becoming a would-be father. 

Jasmine, my love and my strength. Please know that I may be over here in body, but my heart and soul will forever be with you. I just fear that the only way I may return to you, is that of a memory. 

Many of my friends already are.

With love,

Milo Mercury