How To Be Happy

The Oxford English Dictionary defines ‘happy’ as: feeling or showing pleasure; pleased. And ‘happiness’ is: the state of feeling or showing pleasure. A relatively simple concept. However, a quick book search on Amazon.com with the word ‘happiness’ returned more than 60,000 results. It is impossible to say with accuracy the number of works published on happiness, but what is most certainly certain is that this one simple emotion has eluded many people. So many of us misunderstand what happiness is. We end up buying so many things, changing so many jobs, and for some of us, we end up in the wrong relationships. 

But how were we to know if the retail therapy was simply impulse purchase, if the job wasn’t the right fit, and worse, if we were with the wrong partner? I thought I was happy, but one day I was and the next day I was not. Yesterday night we were having dinner and drinks and talking and laughing and we had sex like we always do, but today I have half my stuff packed and I am going to be spending the night alone. I learned that all it takes is one moment - one moment in which everything changes and you can go from happy, to the opposite of happy. The moment when I read the text message from him, explaining that he was not sure if he could see a future with me. The opposite of happy.

I figured that life is about a series of moments, and these series of moments are what influence your mood. I thought, if you could influence or create these moments individually, when you string them together would they not give you happiness?

INGREDIENTS FOR THE CREATION OF HAPPY MOMENTS

Yields: At least, or hopefully, 12 hours of happiness (or at least, some contentment)

One (or two) of your best friend(s)

30 minutes of physical activity that you enjoy

One (or two) hour of an engaging hobby (if it is not above-mentioned physical activity)

A sprinkle of  open-mindedness

A dash of positive thinking

A dollop of kindness (for someone could be suffering as you are)

At least one healthy meal out of three

A pen and journal, or in these modern times, your laptop

METHOD

Step 1: In the morning when you wake, practise smiling at your reflection in the mirror as you wash up. Research has proven that the brain can be tricked into believing you are happy by the movement of your facial muscles, thus releasing the happy neurotransmitter, endorphins, into your system. Take that dash of positive thinking and smile, because you are beautiful when you smile.

Step 2: Then, it is recommended to have a good, healthy meal at the start of the day. A delicious breakfast in the morning helps you feel energised and fresh. Make sure it is full of protein, not so much sugar (none, if you can help it), and something you enjoy eating. Scrambled eggs and avocado on toast is a good idea. So is a smoothie made with oatmeal, banana, some yoghurt and nut milk. Your body carries you for life; keeping it healthy means taking care of yourself. Your body will feel better and thank you too. But if a chocolate cake can make you stop crying right now, by all means go for it. You can always have a healthy lunch later. Or dinner.

Step 3: One last thing before leaving the house if you go to work or school or whatever it is you do: take some of that open-minded thinking with you. Psychological research shows that being open-minded makes people optimistic, less stressed, and they are able to deal with unexpected situations better.

Step 4: If you get upset during the day, reach out to your best friend. He or she is someone who is always rooting for you, someone who is always on your side. Someone who knows how to make you feel better. This will make you feel that you are not alone in the world, and that someone is willing to listen to you talk about a certain asshole for a zillion times and will still listen to you. Until you feel better for the night.

Step 5: Whether it is in the morning, in the afternoon, or in the evening, take at least 30 minutes to engage in a physical activity that you like. Some people like running, some prefer competitive sports, and some other people love hitting the gym. Find something that gets your heart rate up a little. Yoga is perfectly okay too. If you are not able to get to a studio, a gym or even for an outdoor run, you can shut yourself in a room, play some embarrassing dance music and jump around like you were in a club. The point is to get moving–your brain loves it, so that you do not think about what happened and you can just let it all out. This is obviously the preferred mode of physical activity.

Step 6: If the chosen physical activity is not also your hobby, then you need to find time to engage in something that you do for fun. Ask yourself: what do you do that is play? Something that doesn’t have an objective. Then go and do it. Netflix is absolutely fine. So is Wordle. Anything to take your mind off.

Step 7: Throughout the day, find a little bit of time to practise kindness. Hold the door or the lift for someone if they are coming behind you. Let the car in front of you pass if their signal is on. Forgive the impatient driver–maybe they are having a bad day. Help the elderly lady with her shopping bags. This surprises many people, but it is proven that one small little act of kindness can make a person feel happy for an entire day.

Step 8: Finally, at the end of the day, take a pen and a notebook or any writing material, and write down all the good things that happened to you during the day. In the field of positive psychology, researchers have found that the daily practice of looking for happy events shapes people’s outlook and makes them more optimistic, less stressed, less heart-broken. 

Everything takes time. If you can create at least 30 minutes of these happy moments per day, imagine how these would accumulate. That’s the theory I am working with. I have tried the above for about three months now, and I am not sure if I would say I am happy but at the very least I no longer cry. Sometimes it also takes energy, but it will be worth it. Create good moments, take what you can control and turn it around from bad to good. Happiness is about what you choose to do.