A Day of Goodbye's

They stood three feet apart separated by a five foot tall fence. He could barely see her head above it. He had always loved how short she was and how every time they kissed she would have to stand on the very tips of her toes. A soft sound like something being dragged could be heard and he wondered what was going on. Moments later he saw her head and a bit of her shoulders pop up over the top of the fence. She giggled and said she had gotten a step-stool.

"Surprisingly, I haven't used one of these since I was a kid," She laughed. He didn't know why she was laughing. How could she be happy on such a miserable day? "What's wrong with you?" She asked, a depressed feeling came over them both.

"My mother," He paused, choked, and began to cry. He didn't have to finish his sentence, she knew what happened. His mother had been sick for some time now. It got worse a few months ago and they were all prepared for her to go then. But she managed to get better. She was doing fine, nobody saw it coming, not today at least.

The girl wanted nothing but to embrace and comfort him. But they dare not come any closer.

"Were you able to talk to her before?"

"No," He choked again, "I never got to say goodbye." Tears poured down his cheeks marking their path. 

“You need to-” He opened his mouth to talk, “-No, don’t cut me off,” she said, “I know that you don’t want to, goodbye means the end and you don’t want to accept that. But you have to now because you’re not going to get that chance later on.”

“How am I supposed to live without her. My mother, she meant everything to me.” 

“Thanks, means a lot.” She said jokingly, it made him laugh. That smile, she loved that smile. Very little could scare it away, but this, this will.  

“I’ll never fully accept it, I might as well do this now so I don’t regret it. I'll never do anything harder in my life. Goodbye.” He said with little emotion.

“Okay, bye.” She turned, knowing that she could do nothing to make it easier.

***

His house was dark, nobody turned on the lights or opened the blinds, they couldn’t bring themselves to entirely wake up today. His younger sister and step-father sat on the couch, numb. They hadn’t gotten to say goodbye either and he knew they hadn’t yet spoken to his mother. Few knew what had happened yet, and even fewer knew that she was sick to begin with. He walked around the perimeter of the room to his mother’s bedside. She didn’t even look dead, just asleep. He could almost imagine her waking up, he prayed that was it. That she was just asleep and was going to wake up. He knew it wasn’t true. The color was drained from her face and her eyes were closed. She was at peace, she was happy now, where she needed to be. It didn’t matter to him, she wasn’t here anymore. Not with them, with her family. Why did she have to leave? Where’d she go? He knelt down and took her hand. He’d never done something so hard in his life. 

“Hey, mom,” He didn’t know what to say, “Hi, mom. How are you? Are you okay? Where’d you go? Why’d you leave? I’m sorry to be overwhelming you with questions, but I need to know. I need to make sure that you’re okay. I need to be positive that you meant for this to happen. I need to know that we’ll be okay without you, and I need to know if you really believe that too. Mom, it’s been two hours, the longest two hours of my life. I miss you and I want you back. It’s hard not to be mad right now, but somehow I’m not. I get that you had to go, I just don’t know why. And I don’t want to say goodbye so soon, but I have to. If I don’t now I know never will and I need to be at peace with this one day. So, goodbye, enjoy whatever lies ahead, but promise me not to forget us. Ever.” He sat for a few minutes, the tears were silently pouring down his face. He didn’t want to let go of his mother's hand. This time he didn’t have to, he could hold on forever. Those few minutes turned into a few hours. He finally got up when she came by, the girl next door, his girlfriend, the love of his life. He whispered into his mother’s ear a message he hoped she could hear wherever she may be, “I love you, mom. I always will,” August stood up and set his mother’s hand softly on her chest where it would remain for a long, long time. 

***

The previous week had been hard. Physically, mentally, and emotionally tolling. She didn’t know how to handle it, her only light in the dark was him. She was pulled from him and forced to stay away. This pandemic has ripped her from her life. Not her social life, that wasn't a thing to her. Her life, her world, was him. Her older sisters had caught it, her father, had caught it, her mother had caught it, she had not. She had to stay and care for them, locked in her house. The outside world in fear of them. Constantly separated by a fence, no matter what. Nobody else was going through this, except him. She looked up to him, what had he done to make it better, what had he done knowing that death was upon them? It was only a number of days before they started to go and she knew one by one they would all die. She tried not to think about it, maybe they’d get better. Maybe they would all be okay after this. Maybe, just maybe. 

“It’s going to be okay,” He would always say. But it wasn’t. If that were truly so then why was he talking to her from over a fence? She needed a beacon of hope, she looked to him, but he looked to her. They used to be each others’, but they no longer had hope to give. 

Today. Today was a new day. The sun peered in through the crevices in her blinds and lit her room. She woke up to a bright Saturday, a sense of hope, and joy filled her, maybe her family would be better. She grabbed her phone and texted him, Meet me at the fence in five!!, she knew little of the misery that was yet to come. 

After they met and she learned the news she should’ve felt weak. His mother was like her second mother. Who was she to turn to when hers was gone? But she was fine, that sense of hope still held strong. Something good was going to come out of this day. But, nothing good was going to come out of this day, her false sense of hope led her on to a tsunami of pain, heartache, and disappointment.

It happened at about eleven that morning. Four ambulances from the community hospital showed up and a woman knocked on the door looking for her. She answered and asked what’s going on and who the woman was. 

“I’m from the hospital, there are four new rooms open and we’re here for your family. We can give them the proper care and allow them a chance at survival. I need them to come with me now so we can start some treatment as soon as possible,” The woman overwhelmed her with information and she knew that she could do and say nothing to stop this. It was in her family's best interest. She had to allow it, and that’s what she did. The woman had a group of people get her family and load them into the ambulances. 

“I apologize, but due to the pandemic and new safety measures you cannot ride in an ambulance with anybody. We also need to test you for the virus before we allow you out of mandatory quarantine.” 

“Okay, this won’t take long, right? I really need to be somewhere.” 

“Not long at all, but still be careful.” 

She was pronounced a hundred percent clear of the virus. The woman left along with her family and she was all by herself. The only thing that crossed her mind was him. She needed to go see him and his family, they needed her more than ever, he needed her more than ever. And that’s where she went. She stepped out her front door and walked next door. She didn’t even bother knocking, just walked in, and across the main room to him. He needed her, and she needed to be there for him. That was the hope she had, knowing that she was going to be there, no matter what. Sacha met him and held him as he cried, today was a day filled with goodbyes. 

***

There is always an ending. No matter what you do in your life, it will always end. But every ending allows for a new beginning, possibly even death. When things end you must always say goodbye. Sometimes people don't want to say goodbye, but I have learned from experience that you will never be at peace with yourself unless you say goodbye. Although, you don't always get that chance. A friend of mine didn't. I haven't. My mother hasn't. My brother never has. I guess it's more likely that you don't get the chance to say goodbye. What would you say? What would it mean? There's so much you can do with a simple word, a simple word that can cause years and years of memories to be shut and locked up. A simple word that makes a person move mountains to avoid, or to say. One word that may never be said. One word. One simple word.