Letters to the Apocalypse

Day One

Dear Amber,

It’s just my first day up here and I already can’t wait to see you! Life on Station Pluto - coined by yours truly - isn’t much different from the space station on Mars- though I must say it does feel a tad bit more lonely. The two-month trip here alone really had me thinking about a lot of things - things I’m not quite sure whether or not I can put into words right now. If I’m being completely honest, I almost wish they hadn’t sent me alone. There’s too much empty space and I already know that staying in a single room is going to get to me. These bright white walls make me feel like I’m in a mental hospital, too. It’s nothing like our home down on Earth, with that “organized chaos” you vouch for so much. That’s why starting today, I’m going to be writing you letters! I know I can’t exactly just send letters from Pluto to Earth each and every day, but just writing them will make me feel like we are connected.  Sending them all at the end of the month with my report will have to be good enough. Write to you soon!

Your favorite Pluto inhabitant,

~Eris

Day Two

Dear Amber,

I have to get back to work pretty quickly so just a short letter for you today! I suppose now is as good a time as any to talk about what I realized on my way here.  I was thinking about how you were always telling me to stop stressing so much about work and take some time for myself, or even us, but I always brushed you off. I know I should have listened, and I know I can never fully make up for it, so…how about we take a vacation when I get back? A whole year! Hopefully this can be something for you to look forward to. I know I am, anyway!

Thinking of you,

~Eris

Day Seven

Dear Amber,

I can’t believe it! I completely forgot to write to you! I know it hardly makes a difference on your end, but I really am sorry! All week I’ve just been so busy with my work, as you probably could have guessed. Actually, throughout my studies here I have found some really pretty rocks that I’d like to give to you. Unfortunately, they can’t be sent with the letters, so you’ll have to wait a few more months for me to get back. Maybe I’ll even stop by the store to buy some fancy wrapping paper for you to make it all the more special.

On a more serious note, my first shipment from Earth arrived today. No idea why they sent it so early; it should have come at the end of the month. It shouldn’t have even been able to arrive yet, since it takes the full month to be sent. I suppose they sent it early as a precaution… I’ll just open it when I need it.

~Eris

Day Ten

Dear Amber,

You had better start thinking of ideas for that vacation. This is going to be the most exciting year of our lives, and we must plan accordingly. How would you feel about a carnival? We could also travel anywhere you want! I’ve already lived all my dreams, so it’s up to you to decide.

Your biggest fan,

~Eris

Day Thirteen

Dear Amber,

I’ve only spent two weeks here and I’m already sick of the food. Honestly… I don’t even have any idea what's in it. Trying to eat it is like swallowing dry cocoa powder and sometimes I even inhale it. Choking on weird powder is no better in zero gravity, I promise. At least on my other missions, the food was more… food-like, for lack of a better word. Now I have to sit here alone eating weird gray squares that disintegrate in my mouth. First stop on the Amber/Eris Relaxation Vacation is gonna be the fanciest restaurant we can find. Or the greasiest, whichever comes first. I just can’t wait for a REAL MEAL! Start looking!

(Hopefully) The only Pluto inhabitant,

~Eris

Day Twenty

Dear Amber,

I decided to open that shipment a few days ago. Figured maybe there would be better food. Needless to say…there wasn’t. That wasn’t the worst thing in the package though;, there was a letter detailing the current situation on Earth. The virus. They said that it was all under control, but if that were the case, why couldn’t they just inform me at the end of the month? Fuck. I don’t know what to do. This would have been sent about…forty days ago, give or take? Is it all over already? Is the virus gone? Are you gone? Now, more than ever, I wish they could send proper radio signals up here instead of having to rely on these stupid shipments. Stay safe for me.

~Eris

Day Thirty

Dear Amber,

The monthly shipment should have come as scheduled yesterday. I know it’s probably late just because I got the first one early, but I can’t help thinking that maybe…

Point is, these letters won’t be reaching you when I thought they would. Normally, I’d be able to send them to you with the monthly mission reports, but the first shipment didn’t include enough fuel for a return trip. Let’s just hope the next one does.

Forever Paranoid,

~Eris

Day Forty-Two

Dear Amber,

I’ve officially run out of work. They didn’t even send me new assignments with that early shipment. At first, I was a bit shocked - What am I supposed to do now? But then I thought that maybe this is a good thing. I could use a bit of relaxation, ya know?

Problem: There is literally no way to relax up here.

Bored out of my mind,

~Eris

Day Fifty-Three

Dear Amber,

Only one more week ‘till I’m scheduled to get my second monthly shipment! This means I can finally send your letters! Sorry I didn’t write very much this month. It’s not that I was busy or anything (obviously), I just… I don’t know. I’ve been so stressed out I’ve barely eaten. I keep thinking…what if the shipment doesn’t come? What if there’s no one left to send it? I know I’m just overthinking everything but…it’s impossible not to, you know?

It’s rare for me to ever really have time alone with my thoughts. Normally it’s just busy, busy, busy, but now (as well as on the trip here), so many thoughts seem to have just been thrust upon me, and now I have no idea what to do with myself. I’ll write again when the shipment comes.

~Eris

Day Sixty-One

Dear Amber,

It never came.

~Eris

Day Sixty-Two

Dear Amber,

I know I said yesterday it never came, but I’d like to revise that slightly. Never can also refer to the future and frankly, I fully believe that today is the day. In any case, I plan to sit and watch outside until it inevitably arrives.

~Eris

Day Sixty-Three

Dear Amber, 

Yesterday was…not the day, as it would seem. Several times, though, I swear I saw it. Taunting me. I even went outside to look, but it was as if it had simply disappeared. Where did it go? If I see it again, I’ll have to plan a full expedition across the planet. Or something.

I probably wouldn’t do that.

~Eris

Day Sixty-Four

Dear Amber,

I actually considered that full expedition earlier today. It’s as if all logic has abandoned me. Am I seeing things? I should really get some sleep.

~Eris

Day Seventy

Dear Amber,

It’s been about a week since my last letter. Needless to say… that shipment still hasn’t arrived. I actually had to force myself to write this- I can’t let myself go crazy up here, after all! 

This probably sounds stupid but I miss the grass. I miss the blue skies, the birds, the trees, the sky - hell, I even miss the traffic. And I miss you. I miss going down to the park on Saturday afternoons to eat lunch. I just…I can’t do this anymore. I want to go home. I want to be able to truly appreciate all the things I missed in my blind scrounge for success

Goddammit. This was supposed to make me feel better but now I’m back to crying again. I really am pathetic, aren’t I?

~Eris

Day Eighty-Five

Dear Amber,

I’m pretty sure this will be my last letter. I ran out of food a few days ago and now, sitting at my desk, I can hardly stop my hand from shaking. This letter…well, it would take a miracle for any of these letters to reach you. A miracle I’ve been waiting for since I first opened that shipment. 

I guess most people would just give up and stop writing, but we both know I wouldn’t be here if not for my stubbornness. Although this time I wouldn’t say I’m being stubborn, just… hopeful? Or maybe I need a distraction. Something to keep my mind off the inevitable.

To keep my spirits up, I got to thinking of some things we should do together for our vacation. We could go to that pizza shop down the street; I know you always wanted to, we just never had the time. A carnival would be fun. I’ve never been to one, but I remember you raving about them all the time. You’d go on and on about how your dad used to always take you and you hadn’t been to one in years and was there even one in town? And I would just listen and smile. Listening to you was one of my favorite things.

I know I said I’d already lived all my dreams, but now I’m not sure if that’s true. Why else would I feel so guilty? Guilty that I spent all my time at this job. Guilty that it took this long for me to plan a vacation. Guilty that I’m dying up here without you.

I should have spent more time with you while I was there…it's too late now. You’re probably dead. I’m…probably going to die. Right now I just wish I could talk to you one more time - about Pluto or whatever, really. Anything you wanted to talk about. Anything besides work, because I know that’s all I ever talk about, and I know you hated it, and I know that you were probably thinking about me in your final moments, because you always thought of me and I always just took that for granted. And I know that now I’ll never get to say sorry, but really I just want to say…I love you. So… that’s all, I suppose.

Goodbye from your favorite Pluto inhabitant,

~Eris