The Keeper’s Dilemma

In Sheila’s 42 years, she’s never had a secret to keep. She’s what some people refer to as a goody-two-shoes. She does everything right, never had a rotten thought about others, and never thought about doing anything wrong to anyone. She’s happy the way she is.

“If I tell you something will you promise not to freak out?” her best friend Tory asked.

“You shouldn’t start a conversation that way.”

“Ok, well, just please don’t tell anyone.”

“You know I won’t,” She said as she gave her a reassuring smile.

“I think I am polyamory and I have been in affairs with multiple men. Also, I’m divorcing Tom.” 

These types of conversations with Tory were not unusual for Sheila. They happened regularly. Sheila has the kind of face and demeanor where everyone trusts her, so they tell her everything from troubled marriages to childhood trauma. She might not have secrets, but she has everyone else’s. Co-workers friends, family, and strangers in the store all have shared secrets with her.

“Wow, Tory, I don’t know what to say!”

“It sounds like you’re judging me, Sheila.”

“I’m not judging you. I’m just a little shocked. I know you and Tom were having trouble with your relationship. I guess I didn’t realize the extent. If polyamory makes you happy then it doesn’t matter to me what you do. I’m still going to be your friend.”

Tory smiled at her friend. Sheila smiled back and then asked, “What is polyamory?” Tory gave a loud chuckle. Sheila was definitely a goody-two-shoes, and Tory explained what it meant. She didn’t understand how you could have multiple relationships with people when she couldn’t even have one relationship. John and Gavin were the only relationships she’d ever had. Both ended poorly and she figured being alone was better than being with a man.

Before they left their table from their brunch outing, a Saturday tradition, Tory said, “I figured you should know that Tom wants this too. I know you and him get along well, so I wanted to make that clear. He told me he’s in love with someone else.”

“I’m sorry, Tory,” Sheila didn’t know what else to say. “Do you know who it is?”

“No, he wouldn’t tell me. But it doesn’t matter because we haven’t been in love with each other for a long time. So on that note, we are doing something to celebrate our divorce, which you’ll find strange, but I am inviting you anyway. So please come?”

With a scowl, Sheila asked, “What is it?”

“It’s a divorce party at our house next weekend. Saturday at about 5.”

“Won’t that be awkward?”

“Maybe, but we’ll all be drunk, no one will care.”

“Fine, I guess,” Sheila said with trepidation.

“Good. Then I’ll see you next weekend.”

They got up from the table and hugged before they left the patio going their separate ways. As Sheila was walking home she thought about how much she didn’t want to attend this divorce party. It was tacky and awkward. She couldn’t understand why they would have a divorce party when all their friends were married. But she agreed to go and committed to supporting her friend. She also wanted to talk to Tom and see if he was ok with the divorce because Tom was her friend too.

Even though she loved Tory, Sheila often thought Tory treated Tom with contempt. He was always nice to her and provided everything for her. Tory took him for granted and wished she could find someone for herself as adoring as Tom was to Tory. I guess, that’s a secret I’ve had to keep, she thought. She felt sorry for him. Not that she would ever take sides, but she did want to hear Tom’s side of the story. 

***

Sheila dreaded going to the party. She decided to arrive late missing most of it. She pulled up to their track home in the suburbs about an hour and a half late. There were already lots of cars parked in the street, neighbors mingling in the front yard, and she could hear the bass of music from inside her car. She took a big breath before grabbing the car door handle and pushing it open. She had a terrible feeling nagging her that she couldn’t shake about coming to this party. She hated the idea of the whole thing. Sheila was shutting the car door when she heard someone shouting her name.

“Sheila! Sheila! Sheila!”

She turned her head as she pressed the button on her key to alarm and lock the doors. Tom was running toward her, hands in the air, drinks in both, and smiling from ear to ear. 

“Hey, I have been waiting for you. Tory told you 5, right? What took you so long?” He said as he leaned in to give her a big bear hug. He let go and then handed the second drink to her. 

“I was napping. It’s been a long week at work and I wanted to have enough energy for this party. Happy divorce, I guess,” as she lifted her drink to his tapping the cans together in celebration.

“You liar, but this divorce is a good thing, Sheila. Really! I’m ok. We’ll talk more later.”

They walked together, side by side, talking about work and other small stuff that didn’t matter as they strode to the house. She recognized some neighbors sitting in chairs on the lawn, smiled, and waved hi to them. As they walked in the front door Sheila was stunned at what she saw. Black paper hearts ripped in half hung from the ceiling. A life-sized cut out of them in their wedding attire stood at the fireplace, but the picture was also ripped in half. Napkins on the kitchen island that said he’s a dick and the other pile said she’s a bitch. A black heart cake with a crack down the middle that said divorced at last in white, bold lettering. The last decoration she noticed was a black envelope on the counter written with silver lettering that said fucking finally. Apparently, in the black envelope were their divorce papers that they would open together and sign, (like cutting the wedding cake) in front of everyone at the party. She was right about the party. It was awkward and tacky, but she knew this was all Tory.

“Sheila!” Tory exclaimed running up to her and putting her arms around her neck. “Do you like what I have with the place?”

Sheila giggled, “It’s definitely your style Tory!” 

Tory turned to everyone at the party and yelled, “If you don’t know, this is my best friend Sheila!” 

She kissed me on the cheek and then walked away. Off to get another drink. She was walking over to the island to grab herself a bite when Tom’s best friend Brodie approached her. Often he was at their house for dinner, barbecues, and other special events. She knew him well enough. They started making small talk, but all Sheila could think about was the secret he told her a few months ago. Brodie had slept with Tory and he had asked her to talk about the situation with Tory. He wanted to know if it was something more. She told him she was uncomfortable getting in the middle of their affair. There was no way she was going to ask Tory about it. Also, she didn’t know if it was true because Brodie was always talking about his sexual exploits, most of them sounded ridiculous, and everyone thought he was full of shit. But now, with everything happening, she wondered if Brodie was one of the many men in Tory’s life.

“Hey, it’s good to see you.” As he gripped her by the arm. She felt her gaze focus back on his face. “Yeah, you too.” She didn’t hear a single word he had said. Hopefully, it wasn’t another secret. She grabbed a few more bites of food and headed to the backyard. Sheila had planned to sit this party out and keep to herself by drinking in a lounge chair by the pool. She prayed that no one else in this circle of friends would want to talk to her. Sheila realized that she had heard all the weird secrets they kept from each other and the secrets never bothered her until now because everything was blowing up between her friends. Every one of them was a part of this disaster. 

“Sheila? Is that you?” She heard a woman's voice to the right of her. She turned and glanced up. It was Tom’s work wife, as they called her and she couldn’t recall her name either, looking down at Sheila. “Hi, how are you?” She said as she began to stand up to hug her out of courtesy. Another reason she wanted to sit the party out was she hated small talk. It made her teeth grind, but she didn’t want to be rude.

“It’s ok you don’t have to get up. I’ll take the lounge chair next to you.” She said lowering herself into the chair. Sheila almost let out a disgruntled moan. Ugh, I don’t want to talk to you she thought taking a large swig of her drink. Tom’s work wife, a term she thought was disturbing, had also told her a secret years ago. One she forgot until today. She had asked if Tom and Tory had ever had any marriage problems. From what Shelia knew they didn’t during those years. Sheila had asked her why she would ask that question. Tom’s work wife told Sheila that she had a crush on Tom and she might be falling in love with him. Was this the person Tory said Tom was in love with? Most likely she thought.

“Do you think I should ask Tom on a date now?” She asked with trepidation. Sheila could not catch a break from these uncomfortable conversations. 

“He’s not even divorced yet. Maybe give him a little more time. Maybe until things are finalized?” The annoyed tone in Sheila’s voice could not be missed.

“You’re probably right.” The work wife said and she got up slowly from her chair. “Well, I think I am going to go find Tom. See you later.” Miss work wife had no intention of taking Sheila’s advice.

Peace at last. No one was out in the backyard at the moment. Sheila took another sip of her drink, laid her head back, and closed her eyes. A few minutes later she heard the pounding of fast footsteps coming up on her left, then a giant splash into the pool. As she opened her eyes drops of water rained down on her. She looked with disdain at the idiot who got her wet. His head peaked above the water and she saw his beautiful face. Their neighbor, Liam. He was one of the most attractive men she’d ever seen, but he was a child. 

“Sorry about that Sheila.” As he waved from the water. “I didn’t know you were there.”

“Yeah, no worries,” as she watched him swim around for a second before two additional people jumped in. One was another neighbor, and the other was Liam’s long-time girlfriend. Sheila kept watching them, mostly Liam because he was just fun to watch. But then she caught Liam’s girlfriend's eyes, Jessica was her name, and she smiled, but it was with a twinge of sadness. 

Liam knew he was nice to look at. He was also entertaining and charming. Tory had always liked Liam. They were so much alike that they often would all go out together. About a year ago Jessica, who was drunk at the time, confessed to Sheila that Tory and Liam had slept together. A group of neighborhood friends did a Santa pub crawl where everyone dressed up as Santas and walked the streets to several bars. Of course, all the women were dressed as slutty Santas. Sheila admitted that Tory was a slim, gorgeous woman who looked good in anything. Liam and Tory got hammered and couldn’t keep their hands off each other, right in front of Jessica and Tom. Jessica didn’t think anything would happen, but she noticed at one point during the pub crawl that the two of them were missing. Sheila later questioned Tory about it and she wasn’t shy in admitting that they hooked up in a bathroom. Tory wasn’t ashamed of it because she claimed it was the best sex she’d had in a while and she didn’t think Jessica and Liam were right for each other.

Even though Jessica didn’t cry when she told Sheila this, Sheila could tell she was upset. She wondered if Jessica was worried that Liam could break up with her now that Tory was fully available. Sheila hadn’t realized how many people’s secrets she had been told about her friends over the years. She normally played it off as gossip, but today it felt different. She felt bombarded and overwhelmed by all of it. Sheila felt at 42 that she shouldn’t have to deal with all of her friends' bullshit. People trusted her they always had. They thought her quiet, thoughtful demeanor as an invitation to open up to her. It was a plague that haunted her entire life she realized. She knew so many secrets even though she’d never had any of her own.

Sheila always thought secrets were poison, eventually seeping out and destroying people and the lives that hovered around them. But she also knew secrets, gossip was just a part of having friends and life. Yet, she was finally getting tired of everyone telling her their secrets. Part of the problem is she never set any boundaries. She just thought this is what you deal with in life.

“Can I sit with you?” Tom asked jolting her out of her thoughts.

“Sure.” She said. It wasn’t unusual for Tom to be physically close with friends. Liam and the pool inhabitants had left at some point during her pondering. It was just her and Tom.

“I wanted to tell you something.” He said with a shaky breath.

At that moment, Tory walked up to the left side of my lounge chair opposite side of Tom. “Hey Sheila, you enjoying the party?” Before she could answer she looked at Tom. “It’s time to sign the papers.”

“Ok, I’ll be there in a minute. I just want to finish talking to Sheila.” Tom said putting his hand on my thigh and stroking the outer part with his thumb. Dumbfounded, Sheila stared at Tom but said nothing. This was not his usual friendliness. This touch was intimate.

Tory was staring at his hand, as was Sheila. “Is this who you are in love with Tom? My best friend? She’s not going to date you. She’s my best friend. She would never do that to me.” Her tone was dark and ready for a fight. 

Sheila jumped up off the chair. “Why aren’t you saying anything, Sheila? You would never date him, right?” Tory had fire in her eyes. She couldn’t understand why Tory was so upset at her. She kept every secret Tory told her. All the nasty things she had done to Tom. Sheila could have told Tom everything, but she never did. Tom was a good man who worshipped the ground Tory walked on. He looked the other way for so long. 

“Sheila! Are you serious? I can’t believe you would do that to me!”

“I haven’t said anything Tory. I am just as stunned as you are.” She had no idea how to handle this situation and people were gathering in the backyard curious about why there was yelling. 

“Are you fucking my husband?” Tory said with rage. Sheila felt anger rising from her belly. Her best friend for all these years actually thought Tom and her were having an affair. She knew I was never that person. She would never sleep with a friend’s husband. She was not that kind of person. Tory knew this but was being selfish. She always wanted all the attention. Sheila’s outrage was uncontrollable. Everything Tory told her over the years made her uncomfortable. Tory used her like she was her therapist dumping all her secrets on her, eating her up inside. Now Tory wanted to be angry with her over a touch Tom made. 

Sheila smiled at Tory, walked back to Tom, leaned over, and kissed him. A long kiss with tongue, just to rub it in Tory’s face. She stood up, looked at Tom, and said, “Your work wife is in love with you. Brodie is a terrible best friend because he slept with Tory. Also, Liam did Tory in a bathroom at a bar, and who knows what other vile poison she’s spewing and making.”

Sheila turned and walked towards the house. Tory yelled at her as she walked away, walking as fast as she could to get to her car. She knew she'd never hear from Tory again. She didn't know about Tom but didn't care. Sheila wanted nothing to do with them again. When she stepped out the door she started running. Tom was running after her, she could feel it. Unlocking and starting her car from a distance she began sprinting. She didn't want to face Tom, just wanted to leave. 

Sheila made it to her car without facing what she'd done. Secrets were poison and she knew they had lasting effects on people's lives. She would never forget what they'd done to her life. Even though she had no secrets of her own she had kept too many. Never again would she drink from that vial of poison. She saw Tom in her review mirror waving his hands and yelling. Sheila felt terrible but she was setting a boundary she’d never cross again.