Killing My June Bug

SUNDAY

Had anybody “hearted” me? After a year alone, I was trying to start something new. I had written a June before realizing she lived in Texas then waved her off. But on returning home from yoga, I found an email from her.

I'm still interested in getting to know you. I love helping people create beautiful spaces that feel like home. I practice yoga to keep my body and mind in shape. After losing my husband five years ago, I’m ready to open my heart to someone new…. I’m seeking a kind, genuine man who values connection…. I’m sincere, loyal, and my word is my bond.

PS: Would you like to text and talk?

She added a head shot with a confident-looking smile. A small-featured blonde like Rene Zellweger, she looked considerably younger than her stated age of 77.

Yes, I'd like to try texting and chatting.

I texted her a picture of myself.

You’re handsome. Is this your first time on a dating platform like me?

Yes, this is my first month of sending shamelessly hopeful, embarrassingly honest info.

What are you looking for?

I want the whole thing but to tiptoe into it.

What do you like to do for fun?

Biking, golf, writing fiction.

I like to be outdoors cooking. I like movies, theater, art, and museums. I like to go for a long romantic walk on the beach hand in hand.

Great by me. But I felt like a perv when I reread my HormoneHarbor bit and realized that no woman in her right mind would go for a woodland walk with a stranger.

It’s refreshing to see someone being cautious. Maybe we can plan a walk or hike in a more public place and see where things go from there?

Sounds like a plan. But aren’t you in Texas?

What’s the reason you joined HH?

I know loving oneself is the main thing, but I used to thrive on cooking and dance-partnering and listening to my spouse’s rants…showing love in a hundred ways.

[That’s] truly touching. Whoever you connect with will be lucky. Can I be that woman?

Could you?

I’m feeling a strong connection. Let’s take things slow, get to know each other better and see where the journey takes us.

Agreed!

Can you share more pictures?

I sent a shot from a ski lodge and a weathered black-and-white of me beaming, arms around my two brothers, that I’d found in a shoebox when I moved to Michigan the month before.

I’m the one in the middle. First trip to Michigan at age 10, loving every moment of it.

You’re so cute. When do you usually go to bed?

Soon! Thanks for your warm words.

Good night, Rob. Let’s continue tomorrow.

MONDAY

Good morning Rob

Good morning to you, June. Oversleep? I did and must now hustle to get to “Fit for Life” class.

No oversleeping for me, but I did just finish a great yoga session. Hope your class goes amazing.

5:25 pm: How’s your day going?

I’m ready to rest after a full day, seeing a PA for my blocked right ear canal.

Mine was pretty chill. I think I’ll take a cue from you and wind down for the evening. Hope your ear feels better soon….

Thanks. But why am I hankering to talk to someone I’ve never really met—you? Maybe I better shut off the Fleetwood Mac album.

Sweetheart, try and relax. I’m always here for you.

I sent a big heart emoji.

I can’t wait to be with you.

“Don’t Stop Thinking about Tomorrow” is playing. How appropriate!

Oh. You’re so sweet darling.

Never thought I’d be texting and smiling like a fool. Blame it on “Over my Head.”

I’ve got a big goofy grin on my face too. When last did you get intimate?

OMG. 2010? But I’m keeping the faith.

That’s a long time. Mine was 5 years ago. Do you like foreplay?

Yes, I do. My trouble is being unable to go farther unless I really love a woman. Do you like foreplay too?

I love it. We could find a way around it and make each other happy.

The equipment still works. But it starts with sharing feelings, no? I’ve finally learned how to please a woman. Researched a novel; there’s nothing on female orgasm until the 1970s.

Aww, I love your honesty and humility! And it’s even more amazing that you’re willing to learn and grow to better understand and please your partner. I hope your life is filled with love, joy, and all the wonderful things you deserve.

And kisses and caresses for both of us! Good night, sweet one.

Have a good night, sweetie (selfie, head on a pillow)

TUESDAY

10:13 AM: A beautiful morning to you. How did you sleep?

Not badly once I put you out of mind. And you? Your eyes looked sleepy in that modest yet attractive picture. And I’ve assembled my couch this morning.

I didn’t sleep much, thinking of you but it was worth it. Thanks for noticing my sleepy eyes! And yay for assembling the couch. I hope it’s comfy and ready for when we cuddle up together.

The darn restlessness. It’s the dopamine, right? And the anticipation. What helped me was recalling that all we have is now, that the future is not real.

Guilty as charged. My dopamine levels are skyrocketing! Let’s focus on getting cozy on that couch. Can’t wait to see where the moment takes us.

My couch has turned into erotica.

Mission accomplished! What kind of erotic thoughts are running through your mind?

Vague but stirring thoughts. And you?

I’m intrigued! I’m having … ‘creative’ thoughts. But I’ll keep them locked away lest they escape and cause a stir. Anticipation is half the fun, right?

Indeed. But I’ve got to go get an antihistamine (ear is still deaf) and get ready for yoga. I hope you have your day better aligned for chilling.

3:39 pm: What are you doing?

4:30ish: Was on phone with my old friend Jack (Picture of two games, “Dirty Minds” and “Hot Seat.”) Between groceries and antihistamines was a section of games. Guess what my imagination did with these titles.

5:55 pm: I tried calling you

You want an actual conversation? Me too.

Reception is bad here. Please give me some minutes, I’ll call back.

Connections between us failed.

WEDNESDAY

8:48 am: Good morning, Rob, I hope you woke up feeling as wonderful as you make me feel. I think about you more often than I’d like to admit.

I’m sorry I ended up going to bed early last night. I’m really looking forward to catching up with you today.

Happy to hear from you, Juniebug! I have classes and a recliner to assemble. When could we have a call?

…between 12 pm and 2 pm

Great.

We had a brief, flat phone chat. I had trouble hearing her.

I enjoy your voice. Even though I couldn’t hear it well. There’s a bit of Kathleen Turner in it. Or at least the way she used it in Body Heat. Drowsy? Seductive? A turn on.

I’ll take that as a compliment! I’ll have to embrace my inner femme fatale a little more often. Careful, though. You might just find yourself under my spell.

Yes, William Hurt came to a bad end.

True, William Hurt’s character didn’t fare too well, but don’t worry. You’re safe with me…unless you want to live on the edge. How soon do you want us to meet?

You are welcome here anytime.

What’s nearest airport to you? I’ll book my flight tonight.

Grand Rapids Airport is 10 minutes away.

How long do you want me to stay with you?

Let’s go for a week. Okay?

Can you wait till March 30th? I have one last business trip to Qatar. I’ll be flying to you from Qatar.

WOW! How do I manage to sleep tonight? Oh yeah: stop humming “Over My Head.”

Okay …but only if you promise to sing it with. Until then, I’ll be dreaming of the day you’re back in my arms, where you belong.

What are you doing this evening?

Trying unsuccessfully to decompress after your bombshell messages. What are you doing, Juniebug?

I’ll be lying here thinking all kinds of naughty thoughts about you until I fall asleep.

Rascal. Maybe I’ll go take a shower—a cold one? No, that involves a lot of touching. Ohh.

Maybe I’ll join you in that shower someday, and we can see just how warm things can get. Until then, know that I’m here, thinking about you in all the best and naughtiest ways. Sweet or not so sweet dreams.

Giddy. That’s what you make me.

I must give you some airplane reading. Hap, my alter ego, discovers the FBI spying on campus and the importance of the chickpea. The female one.

I can’t wait to dive into his world with you, especially if it involves chickpeas, female ones no less. You always know how to keep me intrigued.

It took him years to find the love button, aka chickpea.

Here’s to us, creating our own little world of love… and chickpea adventures.

Stop so I can get to bed and sleep.

I’ll stop for now. Sweet dreams, my love. I’ll be dreaming of you too. (Selfie: full frontal nude of June half-reclining and smiling broadly)

That doesn’t feel like a stop! Can’t believe I’m doing this.

(Photo: [God help me, I reciprocated])

I want you right now.

Me too.

Do you like 69?

Yes

I’m so aroused. I need your help.

Pretend your hand is mine… Or my tongue…

I need you Rob. I want to cum on your face

Take me

Take me in

I ache for you

THURSDAY

6:36 am: Good morning, goddess. How did you know that a wee bit of underwear was my special turn on? Who is the young Venus you got to pose for the picture? How did you know to capture my mind and heart before capturing the rest of my anatomy?

I hope you managed to get a little rest despite the… distractions. Intuition is a goddess’s superpower. It’s all about the subtlety, isn’t It? The young Venus is none other than me. I wanted to share a glimpse of my essence, something timeless and captivating. Capturing the mind and heart is where true connection begins. The rest is simply the beautiful aftermath of a deeper understanding. You’re a fascinating soul, and I couldn’t resist exploring that first.

How did you sleep after all that?

Not enough. And you are up after too few hours also. How are we going to cope with our distance till March 30?

My mind was filled with thoughts of you. As for March 16th [her flight to Qatar]…my heart aches knowing you’ll be so far away. Yet I know the distance is only temporary. We’ll cope with messages that feel like whispers across the miles, with memories that keep us warm and with the promise of March 30, when the distance will finally collapse into an embrace. How are you feeling about it all?

Very glad you denied that we lived too far apart. Also hungry. And yoga comes at 9, so I better make breakfast.

I’ll be thinking of you, flipping pancakes and flowing through poses.

9:12 am: photo, printed itinerary, Doha, Qatar, to Grand Rapids on March 30-31.

[Now] your visit seems real! I’m so glad you think of me whether we are texting or not.

You’re always on my mind, in my heart. I hope you know how much happiness you bring into my life.

I love you.

I love you too! Keep being you, because you always know how to make me smile.

FRIDAY

7:27 am: Good morning! (I told her I was hungry for pancakes again)

Pancakes sound like the perfect solution. Fluffy, golden, and absolutely irresistible, just like you. Whip up a stack and save a bite for me.

I’m counting the hours until I can be with you.

Here’s my porno response. (Photo of pancakes cut to spell “June.”) I’m eating you up.

I need a favor. Don’t know if it could be granted…

What’s the favor?

I just found out I might need a MacBook for my trip. I noticed my cc is maxed out, can you get it for me please and I’ll refund after a week

(Incredulous, I gritted my teeth and pretended hardship) My credit is not great either. I do have a virtually unused MacBook Air that I could overnight you.

That’s a good idea but you might need it. I’ll find a way around it...

I called my gay friend Arliss about June. “Scammer,” she said. “Block her.” I read her a draft note to June:

“Your financial request really scared me. I went through bankruptcy court in ’99 due to a secret-spender wife, so I am sensitive about this. My earning power is half of what it was in ’99, and I couldn’t go through that disappointment and stress again. So, if you’re going to break my heart, be honest and do it now.”

Arliss said, “That’s fair.”

I surfed to DirtyLinen.com and learned June’s address in Texas--the same as HormoneHarbor gave. Ditto for her birth year. Her one relative, Bruce Wayne Mitchum, had died in 2014, eleven rather than five years ago. She had a hefty mortgage, but it was only a third of the purchase price in 2019, so she had well over a million in equity.

June and Bruce Wayne Mitchum filed for bankruptcy in 2011, but the case was dismissed. Maybe they became solvent. Maybe she was a fraudster. There was no way to tell without paying a lot more—and waiting. June had no evictions but was carrying a small federal tax lien. It seemed like someone living close to the financial edge but not a confidence woman.

So, I sent her the break-my-heart message.

Thank you for being so open and honest with me. I’m not playing mind games, and I value the trust and connection we share. I never intended to make you feel burdened or overwhelmed…. I’m so sorry for what you’ve been through…. I’m here to be supportive, not to add to any worries. If there’s ever anything you need to talk about, please know that I’m here to listen without judgment. I want to be someone you can rely on.

I’m sighing with relief. Dear, dear June, I value our trust and connection too.

Your message made my heart flutter. It’s such a relief to know that our trust and bond mean as much to you as they do to me….

You are so sweetly articulate about your feelings that it melts my battered heart. Battered as in hurt, not as in pancake mix.

It makes my heart so happy to know that my words could bring you comfort. I knew exactly what you meant—though the idea of your heart being made of pancake mix did make me imagine flipping it gently in a pan, adding a little extra love and syrup.

You don’t need a spatula to flip my heart…. May your heart be light. May its beams never tire of warming me and all you know and love.

Here’s to smooth sailing, light hearts, and endless beams of love warming us through every storm.

I want to ask something… pls

Go ahead

Please don’t get mad at me… I figured a way to get the Mac but I’m still short with couple of 100s. Could you possibly help me mail a personal check between 500 to 900 to a supplier that wants to help me out. I’ll refund in a week. It doesn’t have to get to me before I leave.

Send me the address.

[address redacted] Will you be able to send it all? (900)

I don’t think so. I need 6700 to pay the movers.

Do whatever you can and I appreciate your help. I’ll repay in multiple folds. I’m going to bed shortly.

Me too.

But, of course, sleep wouldn’t come. Where did she get the nerve to beg for money again when I was well and truly burned already? And told her so in no uncertain terms? Was Arliss right?

SATURDAY

Three hours later, I got up to email June.

2:18 am. I can't believe you asked for money again. But you did—after hearing that it was a deal breaker. So goodbye. Don't forget to change your flight plans.

Text 2:22 am: Read my email. Don’t try to text me anymore because it won’t reach me.

Email 4:50 pm: I still want to meet you, regardless. Please unblock my number. I've got things to say.

I did not unblock her. I called Jack, a seasoned therapist with a keen grasp of human failings. He said, “Did she send any nude photos?”

Startled, I replied, “Yes.”

“No boundaries. She’s a borderline.”

Was June like the secret spender? Her over-the-top commitment; her prioritizing cuddling over important issues?

But wouldn’t a con take the same path?

SUNDAY

Reverend Marta declared, “The only cure for love is more love.” That Lent is about wandering through doubt and lack. That we can weather it by holding the loss and loneliness in our hearts as mysteries, as sacred.

Transcribing this still makes me tear up. I’ve lost the loving feelings, the joy—the high—of June.

But why had she lied about when her husband died? Googling “Obituary Bruce Wayne Mitchum,” the only woman pictured at his side bore no resemblance to the little woman “June” claimed to be. The real June Mitchum resembled a white Medea.

So, the mystery continues. But, for sure, “Over My Head” is off my playlist and “Tangled Up in Blue” is in.