Wandering Mind

Had it been a day? A week? A month? It was impossible to keep track of time. Nothing functions correctly anymore. It was like someone had just taken a neuron out of her brain. A gear out of her system. A piece out of her life. A limb off of her body. Life would never be the same without Laura.

It wasn't fair. She was so young. Could she have not been able to stay for just a little bit longer? 7 weeks. That's how long Hanna had gotten with her own child.

Why was it so harmful? It was just the flu - why did it have to take poor Laura's life? She was just a baby.

It was impossible to go on this way. For the first hour,  Hanna didn't have the mind strength to get up from her chair. The next day, she couldn't go to work.  What was she going to do without Laura in her life?

Laura's dad wasn't helping. He just sat around and watched Hanna struggle. He had never cared much for Laura. But still... there had to be another way. A way to get Laura back.

Two days after Laura died, Hanna still refused to give her up. She would wake up gripping her pillow and pretending it was her baby. Then she would open her eyes and start crying up a storm. It isn't fair! She kept telling herself.

She still couldn't go to work even on day 5, and could barely get up to eat, drink and go to the bathroom. She would lie down in her bed and only get up when she heard a sound that reminded her of Laura. At dinner she barely ate. You could tell she was getting more body fat.

By the sixth day she could almost function properly again. But there was still something missing. A hole in her mind that she couldn't live without. At dinner, she could barely touch her food. She would rather be feeding Laura. If only she were still here.

After 8 days, she finally accepted that Laura was gone. She was still very sad. She couldn't go on. She needed something in her life to comfort her.

By nine days, she was looking at foster children. "How about this one?" She would say to her husband every time she saw one that looked even remotely like Laura. He always responded the same way. "Laura is gone. Stop trying to replace her."

After 10 days, Hanna finally had the courage to go back to work. Her head was always looking down as she walked outside and over to her car. Hanna was a receptionist at a daycare, and her heart sank every time someone came in and it wasn't Laura. 

By two weeks, Hanna came home from work. She was closing the door behind her. It was about 4 in the afternoon. She put down her bag and hung up her sweater and sighed. Her husband wasn't home yet, so she had some time to herself. Then she heard a high pitched wince from outside. She froze. She heard it again. She turned around and opened the door.

Crying on her doorstep was a skinny little black kitten. Hanna wasn't very superstitious, but she also wanted to keep her distance from a random cat.

There was no collar. This kitten was a stray. For the briefest moment, she imagined that the kitten was laura. She felt a jolt of sadness. Such a poor little kitten had been left on the streets. The least she could do was feed it. She ran to the kitchen and looked for something to give. There was a can of tuna she had never used. She ran to the door.

The kitten wasn’t there. She heard a Meow. The kitten was there. She turned around. It was sitting on the couch. She shook her head. She put down the tuna and picked up the kitten to bring it outside.

When she turned around to pick up the tuna again, the kitten made its way back to the couch. Hanna buried her face in her hands. She picked up the kitten again, this time with the tuna in her pocket.

She put them both outside and left the food for the kitten. She closed the door. When she went to sleep that night she started crying. What will happen to the kitten? She wished she hadn't sent it off. What if it got hurt?

There was no work the next day. She drove to the grocery store and bought flea and tick soap. When she got home, she filled up Laura’s baby bath with water and parasite soap and hoped the kitten would come back.

It was almost ten at night and there was nothing. Hanna’s husband had gotten home an hour earlier. He called her crazy, trying to take in a kitten. He was now in his office. Finally, there was a meow at the door. She opened it and saw the kitten. She picked it up and dropped it into the tub. She washed it for at least 30 minutes before she put it in the car and started driving to the vet.

She could only pray it wasn't closed. When she got there she ran inside. It was open. She held the kitten in her arms. And went straight to the receptionist.

“I’d like to see if I can adopt this kitten,” Hanna said to him. He nodded. He took a second on his computer and asked her a few questions.

“Have a seat,” He replied in a bland tone. Within no more than 5 minutes, someone called her name. She excitedly followed him into a room.

When she got into the room, The vet asked a few more questions and gave the kitten a check up. It didn't resist. Infact, the kitten acted notably well as if it was excited to start a new life with Hanna as well.

“Well, she’s not carrying any diseases or parasites. You should be good.” He smiled. He gestured to the door and she carried the cat to the hall. “If you like, we can get you all the basic pet supplies you need for just $120 more than the $50 fee for the check up.”

Hanna tensed. Money was tight. Although this shouldn't hurt. It wasn’t an outrage. She quickly nodded. Even if it was going to cost her a little bit of money, it would be worth it. Hanna made the transaction and got everything loaded into the car.

Before she knew it, Hanna was lying down in bed. The kitten hopped up. She glared into the kitten's beautiful green eyes. She realized she needed a name for the kitten, but didn’t need to think. “Good night, Emerald,” She told the cat. She cuddled up with it and was asleep within moments.