I Was Your Match

The following conversation occurred between June 28th and August 2nd, between Client 27, herein known as ‘Morris,’ and Client 28, herein known as ‘Foster’. The following messages are the only documented contact between the two individuals, virtual or otherwise. Names have been changed and certain identifying details have been omitted. 

Morris

06/28 7:35am

Do you ever dream about me?

06/31 5:17pm

I’m sitting on the back porch. The screens keep the mosquitos away. Adam is poking a stick into an anthill by the fence. Charlotte is reading next to me. Do you ever think about her? I don’t understand why you would give all this up. 

06/31 11:48pm

I dream about you. Not all the time and not at first. It took a while. 

07/03 2:22pm

I took Adam to a toy store yesterday. There was a stuffed stegosaurus doll in one of those big discount bins. It reminded me of Stevie. Do you remember him? I didn’t buy it of course. Adam is too old and it was the wrong color anyway. I know you still think about that day. I have the memory - your memory - and it feels amazingly real. You were 12 and thought you had outgrown him. You threw him away and now you’re afraid it will follow you your whole life. Outgrowing the things you love. Throwing them away.

07/04 9:07am

Is that what you felt like with the procedure? Do you feel guilt about it?

Foster

07/05, 8:03am

Who is this? How do you know about the procedure?

Morris

07/05 10:13am

!!!

07/05 10:15am

It’s great to hear you respond! I was afraid I had the wrong information. I can’t stop thinking about you. About the life I lived before the procedure. I was your match, in case that wasn’t obvious. 

Foster

07/08 5:26pm

I was told it would be closed. No contact. And besides. It didn’t even work. 

Morris

07/08 11:47pm

I thought that at first as well. It’s strange after all, waking up a completely different person. You expect some kind of awareness, maybe remnants of your former life. But if the procedure was successful - and I believe it was - why would you feel like a different person? If the transference was complete, you wouldn’t remember your former life at all, and it would seem like you had always been your new self. Right?

Foster

07/09 2:55pm

I woke up the same person I was before. I’m living the same life I was before. It didn’t work. How did you get my contact info?

Morris

07/10 1:15am

So I understand exactly where you’re coming from. I thought the same thing at first. But I couldn’t shake the feeling that something had changed. That I had changed. It didn’t happen right away. It took time to set in. But one day, I looked at Charlotte and Adam and this life we shared…and I felt disassociated. Like it wasn’t mine. I was only borrowing it. And the more I thought about it, the more I became convinced that the procedure worked. And then of course the dreams started. Dreams of a different life, being a different person. Surely you’ve had the same feelings? 

Foster

07/10 1:19am

I haven’t had any dreams. 

Morris

07/10 1:21am

But the feeling of being disconnected?

Foster

07/10 6:42am

What exactly are you looking for here? Why did you contact me?

Morris

07/10 9:31am

I want to remember, nothing more, nothing less. I’m sorry to barge into your life like this. But I needed to know. Why I did it. I of course know why you did it. I have all your memories now. But I want to know about myself, my former self before the procedure. And so I need your memories.

07/10 7:05pm

Surely you wonder as well? What drove you to the procedure? 

07/12 5:15am

Here…I’ll start. Seems only fair. You had a wife and a child. A job and a house. You’d make coffee in the morning. Drive to work. Eat lunch with colleagues. Home by 6. Charlotte made dinner, she was always a great cook. You’d crack a beer, sit on the couch and watch TV, before heading to bed. Charlotte would always be out in a flash, gently snoring beside you. Sometimes you’d hear Adam in the other room, staying up past his bedtime playing video games. It was everything you were supposed to want. But you’d lie in bed for hours staring at the ceiling, wondering why you felt so empty. Why life felt so foreign? Like watching someone else. Eventually, you realized that this wasn’t who you were supposed to be. Your life had taken a wrong turn somewhere. And then you received the invitation. It was addressed directly to you, which was odd, most mail is in Charlotte’s name. But there it was. The procedure. Not only did it give you the chance to escape without abandoning Charlotte and Adam, but it handed your life over to someone else. Someone who deserved it more. Someone who could appreciate it. So you called and set up an appointment. They showed you a booklet with prospective matches. You found one that seemed promising. A single 30-something software developer. Someone free to live their own life, chase their own dreams. You made your selections and then two weeks later you got the call. We were a match. 

07/12 7:56am

I’m sure I don’t need to go any further. You went through the procedure just like me. Did you also get migraines the first week?

Foster

07/14 12:22pm

No migraines, but I immediately threw up after waking. They said it was common after anasthesia. But okay, I’ll play along. Let’s say it did work. So I used to be a family man, and now I’m alone? And that’s apparently what I wanted? If that’s the case, why do I still feel so lonely? I should be thrilled. But instead I’m left with the same feeling that drove me to the procedure in the first place.

Morris

07/15 1:09am

But don’t you see!? That’s because the procedure worked! You now have the feelings that I used to have. The feelings, the memories, the personality. Transference was complete, just like they promised.

07/16 8:43am

So you were lonely? Can you tell me more?

07/16 10:15am

Sorry…I was lonely. So I did the procedure. Is there any more to it?

Foster

07/17 9:31pm

No, it’s not much more complicated than that. But okay, suppose it worked, which means my memories are of your former life. If that’s the case, you were 32, working a crappy job, and living alone in a crappy apartment. You tried dating but nothing seemed to stick. And your career never took off the way you thought it would. You watched as everyone else seemed to get ahead. And you were stuck. And you were too ashamed of being stuck to ever ask for help, to ever try to become unstuck. But then one day you were going to work and saw a flier on the subway. You figured it was a joke, but what the hell? It couldn’t hurt to call them up, and see what it was about. They showed you the same booklet. And you saw a bio for a man. He had a beautiful wife and son and they were all posing in the front yard. Sun shining down, green grass, white picket fence, everyone smiling. It looked like one of those stock photos they use to sell picture frames. It couldn’t be real. Why would someone like that want to switch places with you? But then you got the call. Like you said, I was your match.

Morris

07/18 6:21am

Do you understand now? Why you - your former self - would want that life? The one you have now? I certainly do. I feel the same things that you used to feel. Trapped in a life you didn’t bargain for. Yearning for a sense of freedom. You talk of being alone like it’s a bad thing. But now that I have your memories, I can’t even remember a time I was alone. And a picture is only that…a picture. The smiles are put on. The picture of bliss is an illusion. Now that I’ve lived this life, I’ve realized how suffocating it all can be. So seeing a young man…healthy, attractive, free of responsibilities. I understand why you wanted to switch. 

07/18 8:11pm

Speaking of family…Charlotte has started asking questions. She finally noticed the missing $25,000. I think she thinks I gambled it away again. Do you remember that? Your gambling addiction? You almost lost the house.

Foster

07/20 5:34pm

If the transference was so complete, as you’ve said, of course I wouldn’t remember anything about my past life. I’ve never even bought a lottery ticket, as far as my memories go. And if we take on all the feelings and discontentments of the new life, without any memories of what drove us there in the first place, then what was the point of this? Even if it worked, what was the point? 

Morris

07/21 2:57am

The point is that we get to choose a new life. To experience being a different person. Even if we have no conscious connection to the past, our old self surely lingers. Why else would I feel this way? Feel so disconnected from this life?

Foster

07/21 11:14am

But you admitted you felt that way before. Or I felt that way before. It’s tough to keep it all straight.

Morris

07/24 7:17am

Sorry for the delayed response. Charlotte has been freaking out. And her brother came by yesterday and was asking pointed questions about our finances. I think she’s been talking to him about it behind my back. Do you remember her brother Jason? You always hated him.

07/24 6:47pm

You need to help me figure this out. Charlotte has been out all day and refuses to return my calls. 

Foster

07/25 7:30am

How am I supposed to help you?

Morris

07/25 11:15am

I need to make up the money somehow. If I can get $25,000, Charlotte might calm down. I can make up a story about why the money went missing in the first place. But I need to get it back. I know this is a lot to ask, but can you help me?

Foster

07/26 10:00am

I don’t have $25,000. And why would I give it to you? I don’t know you.

Morris

07/26 9:56pm

I was your match. This is your doing as much as mine. You were the one who signed up for the procedure. Aren’t you a software engineer now? And you live alone. Surely you have something saved up.

Foster

07/27 2:12pm

I’m not a software engineer. I work at a computer and electronics store. And I spent everything I had on the procedure. I have like $400 left in the bank. That’s it.

Morris

07/27 2:14pm

Your bio said you were a software engineer. Did you lie?

Foster

07/27 2:17pm

Wouldn’t it have been you that lied? 

Morris

07/27 5:49pm

Yes…sure. But I didn’t take the money out of a shared bank account with Charlotte. That was you and now I’m inheriting the fallout. 

07/27 6:03pm

I wasn’t the one who gambled away our savings 3 years ago. That was also you. 

07/28 4:49am

Sure, maybe I lied about being a software engineer. I of course don’t remember that. But your whole life was a lie. I remember that picture. The smiling family, the white picket fence. But I also remember the fight Charlotte and you had that afternoon. Her threatening to leave with Adam. I remember you screaming at her, calling her every nasty word you could think of. With Adam right there, hearing it all. I remember your family looking at you like you were a monster. Jason threatening to kick your ass if you ever treated Charlotte like that again. Those are the memories I have to deal with. If anybody lied, it was you.

Foster

07/28 3:16pm

I didn't do anything. The procedure didn’t work. It was a scam. If you’re so hard up for money, maybe you should sue.

Morris

07/28 4:43pm

Stop lying to yourself. The procedure worked! I took on your life, you mine. Only your life is a fucking mess. I need you to help make this right. Charlotte is packing up in the other room.

Foster

07/29 12:12pm

I can’t help you. And I don't want you contacting me anymore.

Morris

07/30 10:14am

You’re still lying to me! Is this why you did the procedure? So you could run away from your problems? Stick somebody else with the bill?

07/30 6:32pm

Charlotte is gone. Adam is gone. She said she’s been talking to a lawyer and wants a divorce. I can’t afford a lawyer, not after you blew all our money on the procedure. I can barely even afford the mortgage…and now with Charlotte gone…Why the hell am I dealing with your mistake? None of this is my fault.

07/31 9:12am

So what? You just drop contact? You abandon me like you abandoned your family? That’s great. 

08/01 4:41pm

We were a match. Does that mean nothing to you? 

08/02 3:20am

I want my fucking life back.

This is the last known contact between Client 27, herein known as ‘Morris,’ and Client 28, herein known as ‘Foster’. On August 5th, Foster was reported missing after a neighbor called in a noise complaint at his apartment complex. Three days later, Morris was reported missing by his brother-in-law. The current whereabouts of both men are unknown. 

After careful evaluation of the preceding communication, it is the opinion of the committee that the procedure was an unqualified success.