Ray's Flag

Here I am sitting on some mattresses on the floor, a cardboard box end table and two sleepy pooches. It has been a journey getting here, but here I am. 

It had been a year since I left my abuser, once and for all. He had put trackers on my phone and my car, so, I bought one of those phones that you buy minutes for so I could plan my escape without his knowledge. I did manage to get a few important things to my brother’s house before Jim started asking questions. He knew something was up and decided to work from home for a while. He had managed to drain all the money in both checking accounts to make sure, whatever it was I was up to, I wouldn’t have any money to do it with. I tried leaving a few times before- this is when I discovered Jim had been tracking my every move. 

I had made arrangements for my brother to pick me and my pooches up behind the school on his way home from his commute. I had to be sneaky; I had my suitcase in the garage and pretended I was just taking the girls for their afternoon walk. When I got around the corner, I reset my phone to factory settings and chucked in the bushes. 

June

 The perfect time to start a new chapter, my son and I are finally getting a one bedroom apartment.  If we can ever get moved in. It’s been one hurdle after another; but you can’t stop this stubborn red head!

The universe always has her own timing, so it is very important we listen to her!

The weekend we planned on moving, our unit flooded! We would’ve lost the few things we do own, AND I decided to get very sick. 

I spent a few days in the hospital with some stomach issues, which told me it’s time to take my health a little more seriously.  I guess level 50 is the magic number to start thinking about that sorta thing. The good news is, now I am part of the medical system and I have more options for care. 

New carpet, new eating habits and a new outlook, I am ready for my next chapter!

So, with all of that life stuff happening, it’s time for me to get back into my handy dandy budgeting skills I am known for in certain unknown circles.

Big Things

Word of mouth works great when gathering things from scratch. I clean house for a dear friend, she has been so wonderful, and if only everyone had a fraction of her giving heart; this world would be a hundred times better than it is right now. Not only has she shared her home with my son for the past year, she has a garage full of furniture just waiting for a new home and has generously given it to us for our fresh start. If only I could return the gratitude to her to show her and her family how this fills my being.

Little Things

Of course, now I have the perfect excuse, I mean reason, to hit the Goodwill shops! Oh, how I miss my second hand shopping! I can do so many magical things with my findings from Goodwill! Curtains, throw pillows, baskets, odd pieces, whatever my whimsical heart desires!

My furry pups

 They haven’t had a grooming in so long, trying to remember when.

But they don’t seem to care much. They are clean, fed, and with their mama. 

I remember when they had a back yard to play in, wearing matching sweaters. Though, Olive doesn’t care much for all that fuss.

My Kali, a nervous wreck, the apartment smoke alarms going off randomly at 3 AM; climbing in my lap for protection.  She is my special one.

I give them walks when I can, chew toys, treats, praises. They even had to learn some new safe words, like ” leave it” (for random food and paraphernalia on the grounds) and ” up” for the stairs for our dwelling. (When the kids tend to get too much)

Maybe soon I will have enough to get their shots caught up- Deciding if buying new clippers or taking them to the groomers is the best option.

 Olive has managed to grow 2 tails and some extra fur feet. Her nails are quite the sight. 

It is a process, starting all over again. Every time I think I will have extra for my furbabes, something always seems to come up, a forgotten bill, car maintenance, and work hours.

I got the opportunity to get some more of my stuff. It’s pretty cool, I open up all the boxes and it’s like a celebration all over again! 

Among my boxes, was my step-dad’s flag in a broken box and stained with cigarette smoke from a relationship gone. 

I met Ray when I was about 11 or 12. He not only accepted my mom and me into his home, but also his heart. He loved us like I’ve never felt love from another being. And to him, I WAS his daughter. 

Somehow managing to get into the Army before his 16^th birthday spent his entire working life in the Military. Ray was a Surveyor for the Army Corps of Engineers until he was medically forced to retire because of Emphysema. He left this world in 1992.

 The last time I saw him, my daughter was only 3 months old. We took a trip to my home town so my daughter could meet her grandfather for the first time……..

Pulling out this flag was like unleashing all the memories as they were yesterday; supporting me through my summer softball years in Junior High all the way to my College graduation and beyond. Through the worst years of a teens life; this man gave me his encouragement and love only that of a true dad. 

I remember going to fine restaurants for dinner with he and my mom, and me ordering ravioli, no sauce with ketchup and saltine crackers. I really knew how to live it up! He never said a word; he would even order me a Shirley Temple so I could have a cocktail with my dinner too.  

When I was about 20, a mom to my son and being too young to be married and starting a family; Ray would let me mow his yard and clean his house so I could earn some grocery money. I didn’t have to earn it; he would’ve just given it to me. But, I would insist, I had too much love and respect otherwise. 

My graduation, my step dad drove over 3 hours to be with me and my family as I received my diploma. He treated all of us to dinner and gifted me with a pearl necklace and matching earrings. I still have one of the earrings, I will cherish forever. 

I completely opened the flag and carefully hand washed it in my tub. Washing away the bad memories and making sure it doesn’t touch the floor and hanging it gingerly to dry. 

My son spent 4 years in the Navy. I think it would be an honor if we both fold it back together and place it in its new home. 

I am doing the best I can, while, trying to find the balance of responsibility and happiness. 

I am not much for feeding the corporate machine, so, being in the secretary pool is out of the question.  So, it makes it challenging. I follow my heart, the best that I can

I am a talented soul; a little here, a little there, just gotta find the niche that fits.  

Making my own breads, canning my own veggies and even making my own wine- I do laundry in the tub and hang in my makeshift laundry area in the kitchen next to the fridge.

I am not lazy by no means, I work 3 jobs. I am not into the mundane; I want to express my gifts and talents. 

I believe in loving thy neighbor and giving when I can. My heart cries for the homeless and the less fortunate. 

My dream is one day, finding that balance and making it work.

And my pups having ample acres to run with no leash.

I will make it happen-