Cigarettes

*Warning: mentions of cigarette addiction, homelessness, alcohol, and death by cancer.*

I could see her from my window. Taking a puff of smoke, sighing as her arm came to rest at her hips. The cigarette was burning, but not too brightly. I could tell she was wishing for a way to get better cigarettes, not the crappy ones from Mo. She dropped the cigarette onto the ground and crushed it with her sneaker, before walking off.

I followed her down the street.

At the corner of Waller and Pike, she stopped in front of the alley. She walked along the dark pathway, making her way for the pieces of metal arranged in a sort of tee-pee house. With slender, white knuckles, she knocked on the metal.

Sukie called from inside the small building and came scuttling out. “Hey, Mika. What is it?” Sukie looked the same: bent over, wrinkly, raspy voice from smoking too much of her husband's cigars.

Mika smiled. “Just wondering if Mo has any more of those cigarettes. Just finished my last pack.” She coughed, running her fingers through her hair. Sukie smiled, saying “Oh, Mika. Still on the cigarettes? The least you could do for us is buy a cigar. Those last a good while longer.”

Mika laughed, but a sad laugh. Not the one I remember. “Nah, I can’t handle those. Besides, I can feel Park judging me. You know he didn’t like those kinds of things.”

“And yet, he still bought some every week from us, just for you,” Mo said, appearing behind Sukie. Mika hugged Mo. “Hey, Mika.”

“So, any cigarettes?” Mika finaled, pulling away. Mo smiled and reached inside the house. “Here, don’t have them all at once. Can’t lose my best customer!”

All three of them laughed. Mika took the cigarette pack and put them in her pocket. She pulled out a 20 dollar bill and placed it in Sukie’s hand. “For everything.”

Sukie smiled and hugged Mika tight. “See you next week, honey.”

Mika waved and turned away, walking back down the road.

I followed Mika around throughout the day. To the grocers, to the bus, to the hair salon. She works there, y’know. She cut three women’s hair and then left. It was 5 o’clock. She made her way to the local bar, Rick’s Hang Out (Barbeque and Booze).

Me and Mika knew the bbq wasn’t good, or well made, so she got her usual. Beer with a splash of lemon juice because it tasted good to her. I never understood it, but it made her happy.

Rick came up to Mika from behind the bar, shining a glass with a dirty towel that said ‘Kiss the Chef’. “Well, if it isn’t Mika Rose, my good friend. How is you, Mika ol’ girl?”

Mika smiled. “Good, Rick. How’s business?”

“Very well, ‘specially since we got them travelers outta here. It ain’t called a local bar for nothin’, honey.”

Mika laughed. Rick passed her drink across the warped wood and she took it in her hands, taking a sip. “Well, your drinks are still good.”

“Even better, since I gotta new supplier. Names Indy, and she got a nice little alcohol farm up in northern Cali. Makes all sorts a’ stuff, and gave me a good deal in exchange for free drinks every time she comes down here,” Rick said, motioning to the wall of alcohol, all holding labels saying ‘Californian Indy’.

“Well, sounds pretty nice down here, Rick,” Mika said, finishing off her drink. Rick raised an eyebrow and leaned forward.

“Look, Mika. Don't blame yourself. No one blames you for what happened to Park. Don’t worry. If you need anything, I'm here, okay?”

“Okay, Rick,” Mika said, pulling out her wallet. “How much?”

“None, M. On the house,” Rick protested, holding up his hand like a barrier. Mika smiled and hugged Rick across the bar. “Thanks, Rick.”

“Any time, Mika.”

Mika left around 9 o’clock and headed back to our apartment. I followed her in, getting in before she locked the door.

She turned and looked across the living room, eyes landing on the discarded cigarettes and the dirty dishes. Mold was growing on a wall. The couch was scratched and breaking. I could see tears pricking at her eyes.

Against my better judgement, I placed my hand on her shoulder. I whispered, “Don’t worry about nothing, Mika. Everything’s gonna be alright.” Mika turned her head, looking right at me, but somehow through me. She smiled.

Mika walked over to the TV and reached over to where we kept video tapes. Ones with labels like ‘Summer 2003’ and ‘Mo’s Birthday Party 2010’ were stacked on top of one another and decorated with swirling designs I drew on each time.

There was one that hadn’t been there before. She picked it up and read the label out loud. “Park’s Pep Talks for the Future.” It had blue and green flowers drawn all over, and swirling letters that read ‘For Mika.’ She popped it into the CD player and turned on the TV.

Suddenly, my face was on the screen. The background was a hospital room. I was wearing a white hospital gown and a bracelet. I somehow had a smile.

“Hey, Mika,” I said, “long time no see! If you’re watching this, I couldn’t beat it this time. Ha, ironic isn't it? Right as I found the most amazing woman ever who I wanted to spend forever with, some stupid disease has to come and ruin it.”

Mika sits on the couch and watches, a tear falling down her cheek. A laugh escapes her mouth as I trip while walking backward. “You see, I can’t turn around. My butt is showin’ a little bit. Can't be flashin’ you right now!”

“Anyway, I just wanted to tell you, I didn’t need that treatment. Those doctors just want my money! Don't feel bad about nothin’. ‘Cause guess what? I’m going to be fine. Just watch, in a few weeks, I'm going to walk right out of this hospital and hug you so tight, and I'm never going to let go.”

Mika laughed again, tears running faster down her cheeks.

“Now, if I don’t make it, it’s not your fault. Cancer’s one heck of a bully, and something a bully’s doing isn’t your fault. I’m strong, but sometimes disease is stronger. Especially if it hears you can't pay for a treatment.”

Mika sobs quietly.

“Lastly, don't get caught up in that stuff with Mo. Go visit him and Sukie, but if I know you, you’re probably smoking so much the apartment’s foggy. I don’t want you getting sick, or maybe even becoming like me. Dead lungs ain’t going to do anything for you, okay?”

Mika nods, wiping her eyes. I finally sit down next to her.

“Now, as I always say: Don’t-“

“Don’t worry about nothing, Mika. Everything’s going to be alright,” Mika whispered along with me, smiling slightly.

“Alright, well that's it for Park’s Pep Talk. I’m going to color this tape so it can look nice and pretty for our apartment. I love you, Mika Rose.”

“I love you, Parker Smith.”

I smiled one last time in the video before turning it off. Mika stood up, wiped her eyes again, and walked over to the TV. She took out the tape and set it back on top of the stacks.

I smiled. With a breath, I walk back over to Mika. I wrap my arms around her shoulders. “I love you, Mika.”

She hugs me back, whispering something. I pull back, watching her hug herself. I kiss her on the cheek and then fly out the window, nodding goodbye to the love of my life.