Time Machine

(Sensitive content regarding a child drowning).

If I could I would. If only I could turn back the hands of time. Things right now would be so different. You my darling would be able to see the pretty vibrant sun every single day. I would get the pleasure of being the old me that I once was when I was so very happy, and you were so very happy about life. I would get to be the old me who got the honors of seeing your pretty, big smile. To be able to hear your little sweet voice would just be the perfect music to my ears shall I say. I would have gone back into time to August 11, 2018. I never knew a pain that was so unbearable until that date. You see back before August 11, 2018, things were so much better. You were still here, and I would get to see my best friend in the whole wide world. I would have hugged you a little big tighter and a little big longer had I knew what I know now. Back then I would smile so big, and it was a smile that made you feel like the prettiest little girl in the whole wide world. I would have read to you more and got to laugh with you more if only I could change the hands of time. My Darling I never knew that something like this would even exist in my world. That day, August 11, 2018, is when my whole damn life came crashing down on me to where it could not even be repaired easily. Hell, at one point I thought I was at the point of no return because how the hell were I supposed to go home without my precious dear child, my baby girl, my firstborn, my precious best friend in the whole wide world. How the hell was I supposed to tell your friends and the family that you were gone already. I would have turned back the hands of time, my dear you must know this. Every single night I would just wish that this were all just a big misunderstanding or perhaps it was just a hell of a bad nightmare that I just knew I would awaken from. Somebody, please wake me up because this cannot even be real. I know I must be dreaming but this feels so damn real. Why cannot I just go back to the day so that I could firmly tell you no. No, you cannot go with your friends today, you must go with me to church so that we can get our cool little tee shirt and hear the word that we love to hear. I would get down on my knees and just pray to the lord that he will grant me my one time wish to bring you back home by going back in time and turning the hands back. Then I must bring myself down to reality because in the real world there is not a real way to even go back into time. Oh, how I would love to own a true time machine. I wish I could go back into time because you loved the life you had no matter what. You were a person who had so many pure intentions, intentions to be a good daughter, a good friend, a good granddaughter and even a good sister to your siblings who loved you so much. There was so much time left and you deserved to live a long happy fun life. These words cannot even describe how much I just wish I could really go into a time machine to turn back the hands of time. Your life was so short lived, and it is so unfair that you had to leave me so early. One thing that I can say Is that even at the age of 12 you understood the importance of life and how important it was for you to live your life each day and to love your family and your friends. So many people came out to honor you and show support to me, your mother. No one will ever know how much I crave to bring you back and that is why I wrote this. I wanted to express my thoughts about how badly I want to go back to August 11, 2018, to change to outcome so that you would not have drowned. August 11, 2018, is the day I lost you and it was a sad day because not only did I lose you, but I also lost the woman who tried to save you. It was a two-person casualty, and it was the worst day in my entire life. If I could my darling, I would turn back the time to love on you more and to show you how much you really meant to me, my daughter. I will never understand this because this loss was out of turn. No Mother should ever have to bury their sweet child. You see I would change it and make it be me that was supposed to have drowned in the Meramec River at Castlewood State Park. I write this little, short story in hopes to share with someone how hard it is to lose a child. Even though I struggle with this I know that I will never be able to go back into time. The thought of even being able to do so is just satisfying and what a way to use my imagination. The thought of having a superpower to have a time machine to go back into time is a very nice thought and a very great way to express my feelings that I sometimes tend to keep bottled up inside. I do not want to keep repeating myself, but I am the character in this short story. You can call me Lala, a woman who wishes she could most definitely change the time to be with you and to be the happiest woman that I once you to be. You are my sweet angel, Deniya Johnson. I will always be your mother and I will always long for you to be with me but until we meet again, continue to watch over you family. I will continue to wish that just for once, just for a day that I could go back and change the time and then my darling you would still be mine and still be here. As I close this little, short story I reminisce on all the good times that we shared and all the precious memories that we once made. I will always love you and I will aways continue to honor not only your life but the legacy that you left here on earth. You left your mark here on earth. Signing out, the grieving woman who will always have a wish that I could go back into a time machine and change the day that you left me.