Another Day

The bus seemed busier than usual and Meaghan was forced to stand in the aisle. Plugged in, listening to a new audiobook she started last night, she swayed with the movement of the bus, sometimes taking little steps to keep her balance when the bus rounded corners. She was on autopilot, barely perceiving the world around her with all of her focus on the narrator's voice. When her stop came, she stepped off and walked two blocks to her office building, she was so lost in her book that if she would’ve had to identify a single person she came across that morning she wouldn’t be able to. 

Once in the building, Meaghan walked onto the elevator. She took out her earphones and took a deep breath. She closed her eyes, mentally preparing the switch worlds. When the elevator doors opened, she opened her eyes and walked out.

“Hey Todd! How’re you doing today?” she said with a big smile to the man that works at the front desk in her office. Meaghan tried for a few weeks to get here earlier than him, but it would be as if he slept here at night since she could never seem to get here first. 

“Much better now I see your smiling face, Meaghan.” He responded. 

Meaghan smiled again. She tried not to spend too much time talking to Todd. Today wasn’t bad, but sometimes Todd’s comments were swinging towards inappropriate. He would comment on her ‘hourglass figure’ or how he likes the scent of the perfume that she wears. She kept a close eye on it and tried to avoid him where possible, but she never said anything. 

In the office Meaghan was a different person. She was enthusiastic. She never forgot anyone’s birthday and always brought them a cupcake. She was the lead speaker for any sort of presentation or event that the firm had. She had little inside jokes with almost everyone and knew about their families, their interests, their goals. If you didn’t know Meaghan well, the real Meaghan, you would’ve thought she was always the life of the party, the people’s person, someone who enjoys small talk and meeting new people. But in reality, it was all an act. A very intentional act, Meaghan wanted to be successful, and introverts are not successful. 

“Meaghan! Ready for that presentation today?” Chuck always had too much enthusiasm for the morning. It was a bit overwhelming. Meaghan joked to herself that he would consume multiple energy drinks before he would come into work, and it was probably true since he would have at least two or three throughout the workday. 

“You know it, we’re going to crush it!” Actually, the presentation has been the primary source of all her worries this week. The reason she has not been getting the sleep that she should. Every time she thought about it, she could feel the beginnings of a panic attack, feelings that she would quickly try to squash, sometimes using the restroom as an excuse to take a few deep breaths. It was a big proposal presentation for the big wigs at City Hall. They were proposing a new park, something slightly bigger than the city was wanting to pay for but they were hoping to use this presentation to wow them enough to convince them to drop a little extra cash.

 Meaghan felt her phone buzz in her pocket. She received a text. Can’t wait for dinner.

 Fuck, she scheduled a dinner date on the same day that she has this presentation. This was unlike her, she was usually very careful not to overload her calendar, but this must have slipped in somehow. The presentation and dinner didn’t overlap, in fact, there are hours between the two events, but Meaghan didn’t know if she could handle two big things in one day. She’s been seeing this guy for a few weeks now, but is becoming socially exhausted with all the dinner dates and hanging out at bars. Where are all the guys that wanted to stay home and binge-watch Netflix shows? Not on the dating apps apparently. Meaghan wanted a husband and a few babies but felt like she was forever stuck in the “putting herself out there” phase of dating. A phase of dating that she would rather never experience again. 

 The presentation went very well. City Hall was very impressed with their design and they were convinced to spend the extra money. Meaghan felt good about it overall, but still obsessed over the few words that she slipped up. Minor mistakes that no one but her even noticed. She tried not to worry about the little things, but they always seemed to be popping up, reminding her that they exist in the back of her mind. 

 “Are you coming out for drinks Meaghan, to celebrate?” 

 “No, I have dinner plans.” Dinner plans that she has already canceled, but it was still a good alibi for now. She could just say later that they were canceled at the last minute. 

“Well, have fun! We’ll have to celebrate with you later.”

Meaghan’s idea of celebrating this win was to grab a pint of Ben and Jerry’s Ice Cream on the way back home. When she was new to the firm she went out to drink with them a few times, in an attempt to try to fit in as quickly as she could. But they would spend hours out and hop to multiple bars. A drink she could handle, but the bar-hopping on a weekday was too much. She didn’t know how they did it. Maybe that was why Todd drank so many energy drinks. 

The bus ride home was the same as the one on the way there. She was on autopilot. This time, numb from the long day. When she unlocked the door, her dog greeted her as usual. Wagging his tail and giving her all the kisses. The moment she walked through her door was the moment she could leave the world behind and enter into the world that she loved. The one she wished she could spend more time in. Her home was a sanctuary. A kitchen that she loved to spend time in making her own food, walls that were covered with art, much of it her own, and bookshelves full of her favorite books as well as those she hasn’t read yet. She changed into comfier clothes, took her makeup off, and curled up on the couch. A good book in hand and her dog in her lap, everything was right in Meaghan’s world. It was like a reward for getting through another workday. She ended up reading for hours, only to force herself to put the book down so she could catch some shut-eye. She needed her rest so she could go through the movements once again the next day.