Whakarongo Mai

TW: Weapons, Miscarriage/child loss, implication of suicide

“Listen…” He said, “I’m sorry to have to do this but I don’t think we should be together anymore.” She hoped it was a prank. He had a reputation among friends as being a bit of a joker. “What do you mean?” She asked, trying to hold back tears which would inevitably flow. “It’s not you, it’s me…we could still be friends in the future.” Could he be any more stereotypical if he tried? “But why?” She sobbed. She must have looked a mess, but that wasn’t her priority right now. He looked up and down at her sodden form. “I care about you, I really do. I just need to be on my own for a while.” He sighed. “I’m so sorry.” He collected his things. “I have to go.” He planted a kiss on her forehead and handed her a note. Then he walked out the door. She opened the note, trying to read its contents through tearstained eyes.  I am truly sorry if I hurt you. This is hard but necessary.  How could he betray her the way he did? How could he? She would have expected this behaviour from someone else, but never from him.

“Listen…” It was many years back. She was with friends at a party when a man with curly blond hair and glasses approached her. “I want to introduce you to my friend.” The man explained, motioning towards another man, him being incredibly tall with long hair, wearing a fancy dress jacket and dress shoes. She was confused. Why didn’t the man come talk to her himself? Obviously sensing her reluctance, the man with glasses explained, “he’s a bit shy but really nice once you get to know him.” She shrugged. She was a bit of an introvert herself but she figured there would be no harm in giving this person a chance. If he were not as ‘nice’ as his friend said he was, it would be easy for her to escape. “Hi.” She greeted. “Hi.” He replied in an accent suggesting he originated from a different place. She liked the sound of his voice; it was like butter to her ears. The two individuals told each other their names and ended up having a mutually satisfying conversation. 

“Listen…” Fast forward to a week later and their first date doing mini golfing (she had been better at it than him but kept coy about it) was just concluding. They were in his car as he had kindly offered her a ride home. They had parked outside her apartment, ready for the drop off. “I had a wonderful time with you.” He told her. “I did too.” She replied. There was a pause. Neither one of them experts in the dating game, particularly as to how to appropriately end the night. She leaned in and kissed him, expecting him to reject her which seemed to happen with everyone she met. To her surprise, he kissed her back. He touched her shoulders. “I’m glad you did that.” He smiled coyly. “I wanted to kiss you, but I wasn’t sure if you wanted me to.” She gently cupped his arms, feeling the smooth hairs on them as they resumed their kiss. He caressed her face and her fears began to melt away.  

“Listen…” Again, a jump in time. “Hey, I like you a lot.” They snuggled. “I also like you a lot.” They kissed. “And we’ve been going out together for a while?” Hmmmm…It was unknown as to who said it first. “Let’s move in together.” Then they could spend more time with each other, while also fitting in with the commitments of work and life. She liked the sound of that. There was something special about the idea of waking up each morning next to the person she loved.

“Listen…” He took out a small box. Then got down on one knee. “I know this is probably cliché.” He took her hand. “But will you marry me?” Tears rolled down her cheeks. “Yes!” She managed to squeal.  Getting to spend the rest of her life with the person who she felt secure with was something she was looking forward to and had been wanting for a long time. He embraced her in his arms, her safe place.

“Listen…” It had been a few weeks and she’d felt a bit off. A trip to the pharmacy and a urine test confirmed what she hadn’t suspected. Later in the day, she showed him the test. “Really?” His eyes wide in surprise. “Yes, I’m pregnant.” He stuttered, “Wow, that’s so…amazing. Amazing!” 

“Listen…” She hadn’t been feeling great and a routine trip to the doctor confirmed her worst fear. The doctor stated the news they didn’t want to hear. He squeezed her hand. She couldn’t stop crying. “I’m sorry.” They had been looking forward to being parents, despite it being unexpected. They went to the car. “We can have another one.” He mumbled. She hoped she had misheard. Why would he say something like that?

“Listen…” The space felt empty since he left. She took out the letter he had given her from a hoodie he had neglected to take with him. It still had his scent on it. Has he left it behind on purpose, just to torment her? The letter in her hand was still crisp to stay preserved. I want you to know that you are a wonderful person deserving of Love and I am sorry I cannot give you that…I want you to know that our time together was special & lovely. I hope this can be of comfort. He had given her permission to destroy the letter if she so wished. But she just couldn’t. 

She wished she had a gun at this time. But sadly, she couldn’t even borrow one. Though it didn’t mean there weren’t other things around she could use to end the pain. But she wanted him to hear her cry for help. To realise what he did was wrong. To feel guilty. She found a sound online. BANG! It was a real gunshot sound. Surely also it wouldn’t sound too tinny over a computer speaker. Then he’d be sorry for what he did. Everyone who justified his behaviour would. She rehearsed using the phone and playing the sound. It had to go perfectly. Once she was confident in that, she set her plan in motion. “Hello?” His voice nearly made her cry. He could always comfort her but now it would never be a comforting voice again.

“Listen…” There was a pause. Then she hit play for the sound. Then…

Silence...

LISTEN

Inspired by true events initiated by G.R.C.