Joy in the Mourning

“Wake up Kezzi!” Maudie flew into Kezzi’s room like violent gust of wind.

“I don’t wanna get up,” Kezzin growled. “Leave me alone Maudie.”

“You wunt bone lone. It’us nineteen hunded and eighty. Sum oman bless her heart come long and left yuh on mah do’ step fo day in de moanin. Reckon she kudn’t ford ta keep ya and de gud lawd saw fit fer huh ta leave yuh wid me. Youse’a fresh gal, few ours ole. I swadda yuh in de woamst blanket I cud fine and youse been mines er’since. I been wid yuh all yuh life and ah ain’t leavin you lone till de good Lawd call meh home. Nah git up from dere and pull yahself togetha gal.”

“Oh, Maudie,” Kezzi whined in exasperation. “What do you do when you realize what used to be your reality isn’t your reality anymore? I mean, I gave James the best years of my life. I devoted my soul to that man. I did everything right, you know? How could the only man I’ve ever loved, the man who showed me what it meant to love, break my heart like this? Why Maudie, why?” Kezzi cried.

“Chile youse got tuh shake dis hea hole he got on yuh and pike it neath ya feets. Ah knowed from de git go y’all wunt equal yok’d an ah tole ya so. But youse a grown oman an yuh gots ta mak yuh own life. Ah’s sorry dat it done come tuh dis but look at it dis way, de gud Lawd Gawd got’s sumphn betta in stoe fa yuu. But nah yuh kain’t gtt it laying roun hea wallin’. Git up chile. Git up ah say. Youse doan cry fah no man buh one. Ah done let yuh cry fah three moanin’s an ah won low it no mo. Git up,” Maudie demanded.

Kezzi threw the covers back and managed to get feet onto the floor. Her eyes were bloodshot from all the crying she had done, and her face was puffy and swollen. Maudie reached for her, helping her to her feet.  

“Das it chile. Nah gwine on in dere tuh dat wash house an fix yaself up. Ah done cooked yuh ah gud breakfast. Ah lil fat bike, eggs, and fried taters,” she proudly revealed.  Nah gwine on in dere. Soon yuh finish ah have it waitin.  And chile?”

“Yes Maudie.”

“Weepin’ may indua fa a nigh’, oh buh joy’ll sho nuff be hea in de moanin.”

For the first time in three days Kezzi smiled. 

* * * * *

           As promised, when she was done with her bath Maudie had her favorite breakfast of bacon, eggs, and fried potatoes waiting. Having only had a few sips of bottled water over the course of her three-day funeral over James, she scarfed down every bit within moments of sitting. Shoving the plate aside she began to thumb through the stack of mail sitting on the kitchen table. Maudie noticed her sitting, looking as if she’d lost her best friend and in fact she had. Three days before they were to be married, James called off their wedding without explanation and hadn’t spoken to Kezzi since. Lawd hep mah sweet chile.

           “Maudie, why don’t you rest a while and let me finish the dusting and sweeping. I’ll clean up the kitchen too,” Kezzi said.

           “Nah yuh kno ah lak’s thangs done lak ah lak em,” she scolded. An yuh kno yuh doan dust to mah lakin’ so yuh gwine on in dere an wash up de dishes an Ah’ll fix up thangs in hea.”

           Kezzi agreed and began to making her way to the kitchen when the phone rang. “I’ll get it,” she said. “Hello.”

           “Kezzi?”

           Kezzi’s heart steeled. She hadn’t heard from or spoken to James’ since he called off the wedding.

           “Kezzi, please talk to me,” James pleaded.

           “What is there to talk about James? You’ve got some nerve to be calling here after all the hurtful things you said to me, all the lies you’ve been telling. Didn’t you say we were over? Didn’t you call off the wedding? What the hell could you possibly want with me James? Why the hell are you calling me?

           “Kezzi, let me explain,” he cried.

           “What is already understood James does not need to be explained. You said your peace three days ago when you called me up to inform me that you no longer wanted to be my husband. You also said that you were in love with someone else. Shouldn’t you be with the one you love now? Does she know you’re on my phone harassing me?”

           “It’s not like that Kezzi.”

           “Well, what’s it like James? How do you love somebody one minute and the next you’re telling them you don’t? Love is not like a light switch James; you just don’t flip it on and off. What you did to me was heartless and cruel James. HEARTLESS AND CRUEL,” she screamed.

           Maudie stood nearby in the distance, listening.

           “I do love you Kezzi, but I’m in love with someone else. Please don’t make this any harder than it already is. I didn’t want to marry you knowing that I was the one living a lie. You deserve better than that. Besides, had we married now I’d only end up putting you through a divorce later. Nobody’s happily ever after should ever end up being a lie. Shouldn’t I get some credit for being up front with you?”

           “You should have told me when you decided that you loved someone else. You should have told me the minute you knew, James. You’ve been letting me parade around for months with this engagement ring telling everyone I knew that I was going to be Mrs. James Matthews. I feel like a fool. Do you know how humiliated I am James?”

 James was silent.

How long, James? How long have you been loving her while you were loving me? Were you sleeping with her too? Oh God, I’m gonna throw up.”

           Maudie rushed over to Kezzi but Kezzi nudged her away.

           “Kezzi, listen. I’m so that I’ve hurt you. I’m sorry that I wasn’t man enough to tell you all of this before now. The truth is you’re too good for me and I couldn’t live with myself if I had married you knowing that I was in love with someone else. I also need to tell you that she’s pregnant and the baby is expected to arrive sometime next week.”

           Kezzi dropped the phone and slid down the wall. The color drained from her honey almond skin.

           “Whut ail yuh chile?” Maudie asked running over to her.

           “Oh Maudie,” she bawled. “Get him off the phone Maudie, please

           “Helluh. James.”

           “Yes mam Ms. Maudie, I’m here.”

           “Youse ought ta be shame a yuhsef foe de hurt yuh done laid on mah Kezzi. Gawd gon tend tuh yuh fah dis. He gon fix yuh fa show. Yuh mak mah word. Gawd gon fix ya. An ah pray he doan sho yuh no mussy.”

           “Miss Maudie please.”

           “Jus hush. Dey’s nuthin mo tah be sayed. Yuh hang up from dis hea fone an doan call bak hea no mo. Yuh hea me? Youse jus let huh be,” Maudie scolded then slammed down the phone.

           Taking a minute to compose herself, Maudie fixed her house coat then walked over to the refrigerator for a bottle of cold tea. Lawd dis chile done seed mo hurt den she kin handa. If’in it be yuh will, spare huh ple’suh. Ple’suh Lawd, doan tarry.

           “Kezzi?”

           “Yes mam?” she whimpered.

           “Wan talk bout it?”

           “Maudie, he’s gotten someone else pregnant. He says he loves her, and he wants to be with her.”

           Maudie clutched her chest. “Ah low down scoun’ dat James. Gawd gon fix em fa dis. Doan you fret narry-a-nother minute bout dat. Ah done prayed on it an mah Gawd’s gon fix it fa yah.”

           “You’re so strong Maudie.”

           “Baby lis’tn. Maudie been on dis hea eart fa eighty sebum years. Come hea in nineteen an thirty-five. Ah done seen lota hard years an struggas buh de Lawd lowed me tuh endua. When he sen me yuh he send me de light an dis ol heart a mines been shinnin’ since. Biba say trouba doan las ahways chile and ah’s a livin’ wit’ness dat it doan. Nah, yuh git up from hea. Ah been meaning tuh talk wit’cha bout ah few thangs anyha.”

           “What’s wrong Maudie,” Kezzi sprang up from the bed?

           “Ah chile, der yuh go frettin’. Ain’t no need fah yuh ta git all wo’rkd up ova me. Maudie ole an Maudie tied.”

           “Well if you let me take care of you like you’ve been taking care of me all these years, you won’t be so tired,” Kezzi teased.

           “De sun is gwine don fa me chile. Soon an ver’ soon ah’s gwine home.”

           “Maudie you are home, and the sun has just barely made its mark in the sky” Kezzi said, her voice cracking. “What are you talking about old woman,” she teased again, attempting to lighten the moment.

           “De good Lawd is callin’ Keziah, and when de Lawd calls baby all’us gots ta ansa. De Lawd dun been gud tuh meh. Send yuh long tuh tend tuh me in mah ole age. He loud meh tuh see eighty sebum yars in dis ole mean worl. An each moanin ah rose, he loud me tuh see de light in yuh. Maudie luh her sweet Keziah. Ah named yuh dat cose dat wuz de name ah Job’s doughta in de biba,” Maudie revealed, her withered hands caressed Kezzi’s face. “Youse got tuh let dis here thang wit James go nah. Ah knowed yuh lobed him and ah knowed he wuz yah hart, buh chile if ‘n ole Maudie doan lea yuh wit nothin else foe ah close deez ole wiry eyes ah mines, ah tells yuh dis. When Gawd close one doe he got’s anotha waitin’ on ya. He gots gud thangs in sto fah yuh buh he kain’t gibem tuh yah if yuh doan let go. Nah yuh lis’en tuh Maudie, yuh hea me?”

           Kezzi was overcome with tears. James had abandoned her without warning and now her beloved Maudie was heeding the call of the Lord. 

           “What am I gonna do without you Maudie?” Kezzi cried. “You’re all I’ve got in this world.”

           Maudie smiled, “Chile yuh gots yaself and yuh gots de good Lawd. Maudie rasied yuh right. Youse gon be jus fine.”

  * * * * *

           That night Kezzi went to bed with a burdened heart. Why Lord? I’m a good person. I’ve lived the way you’ve called me to live. Why is it that I don’t receive the same love I give? Why don’t I receive the same energy that I give? I’m in so much pain Lord. I loved James, you know I did but I guess he’s right, I was too good for him. Thank you, God, for revealing the man he was to me before it was too late. Thank you for saving me, thank you for blessing me with Maudie, and most of all, thank you for loving me. Amen.

           Although she had prayed, Kezzi was still burdened. Before she knew it, she’d grabbed her phone and began to dial James’ number.

           “Hello,” a female voice answered.

           “I need to speak to James,” Kezzi demanded.

           “Who is this?” The woman inquired sarcastically.

           “You know good and well who this is. PUT JAMES ON THE PHONE!”

           For a few minutes the phone went silent. I know this wench did not hang up on . . .

          “Hello?”

           “Shut up,” Kezzi interrupted. I’ve got something to say and you’re gonna listen.”

           “Ok,” James replied.

           “All day I’ve been trying to figure out what I’d done, not done, said, to give you a reason to treat me the way you have. We’ve been together for years James. Why? Why now? Why ask me to marry you knowing you were in love with someone else? If she hadn’t gotten pregnant, would you have continued to live this lie? We both know that’s the real reason you called us off. How could you hurt me like this James? I believed in you, I trusted you, I let my guard down with you. Why James? Why?”

           “Kezzi, I. . .”

           “Save it! Despite everything you’ve done to me I wish you and your new family well. I pray God’s grace and mercy over you, and I pray that your child never feels the pain you’ve inflicted upon me. I never wanted it to be this way, James. I never thought I’d have to let you go. You promised me forever but as I now know, forever with you will be a day that will never come. This is me letting go James. And even though I’ll always carry you in my heart, I never want to see or hear from you ever again.”

           With tears streaming down his face James croaked, “Kezzi. I’m so sorry I hurt you. And despite what you think of me, I’ll always love you.”

           Without uttering a word, Kezzi ended the call and cried herself to sleep.

* * * * *

           The next day, Kezzi rose to a darkened house. She pulled her phone from the nightstand to check the time. That’s odd, it’s almost nine. Rising in confusion, Kezzi grabbed her robe from the foot of the bed and stepped outside her bedroom door.  All the blinds are still shut, and the curtains haven’t been drawn back. That’s the first thing Maudie does when she wakes . . . MAUDIE!

           Kezzi raced to Maudie’s room and knocked on the door. 

           “Maudie,” she called.

           No answer.

“Maudie,” she called again, pushing the door back slightly to peep in. “Maudie why aren’t you up by now? Are you feeling, okay? Maudie.”

           Maudie was still in bed, her back turned to the door.

           “Maudie?” Kezzi nudged her gently trying not to startle her. “Maudie it’s time to get up. We’re gonna be late for Sunday school.”

           Maudie didn’t respond. Oh God, please don’t be . . .

           Kezzi began to shake Maudie furiously but soon realized that her body was rigid and cold. 

"Maudie," Kezzi moaned. "No, Maudie, No. Please wake up, Maudie," she pleaded but realized that Maudie had answered the Lord's call sometime during the night.  Kezzi wrapped her arms around Maudie and held on. "I love you, Maudie," she whispered as she rocked her back and forth in her arms and cried.

* * * * *

     A week's worth of suns had risen and set since Maudie died, and Kezzi stowed herself away in Maudie's home. Git up from hea chile. Kezzi had been hearing the sound of Maudie's voice since the day she died. I guess I better get up then. Maudie would not be pleased with me laying around here crying over her.

Boom, Boom, Boom! 

"Who could be at the door this early?" Kezzie said, peering through the window.

A tall, handsome man in a business suit was standing there looking like he'd hopped off the pages of Essence Magazine. Moving swiftly to the door, she opened it and said, "Yes, can I help you?"

"Yes, mam. I'm looking for Ms. Keziah Washington."

"I'm Keziah. How can I help you," she repeated.

"I'm Joshua Jones, and I'm an attorney with Hill, Jones, and Scott."

"Um hum,"Kezzi mumbled.

There was a moment of silence before he continued. "Your grandmother, Ms. Maudie Green, left instructions for my firm to settle her estate with you once she'd passed on. Um, may I come in?"

"Goodness, where are my manners, yes. Yes, please come in," Kezzi stepped aside. "You can walk straight through the foyer into the living room and have a seat."

"Thank you."

"Can I offer you some coffee? Water?"

"That won't be necessary. My business with you won't take long."

"Very well," Kezzi resigned, following Mr. Jones into the living room. "Now you say Maudie told you to settle her estate with me? You must be mistaken. Maudie is not my grandmother. She took me in as a baby, and I've lived with her ever since. She did, however, raise me like I was her own."

Perplexed, Mr. Jones removed a file from his satchel and reviewed the documents.

"Okay. Well, it's right here in black and white, Ms. Washington. Maudie's last will in testament states that her granddaughter, one, Ms. Keziah Washington, is to inherit her estate in it’s entirety."

     "I'm confused."

     "Here, read it for yourself," Mr. Jones said, passing the document to Kezzi. 

     I, Maudie Mae Green, being of sound mind and body, bequeath the following properties and assets to my one and only granddaughter Ms. Keziah Mae Jones. The home located at 12124 Lorriane Drive, Calhoun, Louisiana, 72722, with the title free and clear and all personal belongings of Maudie Mae Green. I also grant ownership of all bank accounts with immediate access upon my death, to the sum of one million dollars. I also bequeath all contents of two safety deposit boxes located at Chase Bank of Baton Rouge, 1617 Town Street, Baton Rouge, Louisiana, 72756.

     "This can't be real," Kezzi cried.

     "Oh, it's very real, Ms. Washington. There’s no need to do anything now. Please take time to process all of this and when you're ready, come down to my office, and we'll give you all the information you need along with the keys to her safety deposit boxes," Mr. Jones said, standing to leave.

     "Yes. Yes, I will. Thank you."

     "Good day, Ms. Washington."

     "Good day, Mr. Jones.”

As she saw Mr. Jones out, Kezzi remembered some of Maudie's last words and smiled.

Weepin’ may indua fa a nigh’, oh buh joy’ll sho nuff be hea in de moanin.” Nah git up from hea chile.