Only The Best

Contains mentions of death and grief.

“Where are we going now, George?” Riley asked. He sat in his booster seat in Uncle George’s old blue pickup on a blistering summer day. George looked at him through the rear view mirror. Riley held the new dinosaur toy he had begged for at the corner store, the tag still attached. He had a purple stain around his mouth from a huckleberry ice cream cone from the diner.

George reached his right hand down as if to hold Ava’s hand even though it had been years. He sighed.

“We have to make two more stops, Pal. Before I take you home.”

“Where are we going?”

“To visit your aunt.”

Riley didn’t answer after that, he was sucking at a spot of spilled ice cream on his T-shirt.

Years before, George had taken Ava to ice cream at the same little shop. They would save their change and pay in coins they called “The Ice Cream Fund”, sitting on the spinny bar stools at the counter. They were always a bit embarrassed to hand over a pile of nickels and dimes, but it had become a game. Oh, we got seventy three cents back from the grocery store, we’ve got enough again for some cones! She had always gotten strawberry, and he ordered chocolate. They would switch halfway through, just for fun.

George’s first stop was to get Ava her favorite flowers. He wanted her to always have them fresh, only the best. George unbuckled Riley and picked him up. In the store, Riley pranced his dinosaur across George’s back, making roars at other customers. The lady at the counter said “your son is so cute!”

George didn’t correct her. There had been many whispered late night talks with Ava about one day having kids. They would have named them Daisy and Dean. He had always wanted them to look just like her.

George held him a little tighter. Riley was his sister's kid. And he knew he would never have kids of his own. Being an uncle was the next best thing. At the end of the day, George would have to drop him off at home and drive back to his cold apartment all alone.

He bought the flowers Ava had always loved best, daisies and fluffy pink carnations. George picked out a tulip because it had teeth like his dinosaur. He waved it around like a wand. “This is the best flower ever!”

George closed his eyes. Years ago, he had picked Ava up for their first date. He was warned against bringing flowers so early on, but he wanted to make her smile. Her hair looked gold in the sunlight, her eyes a honey brown. She smelled like vanilla and lavender and wore bright purple converse shoes. When he dropped her home hours later, she gave him a hug. He wanted a million more.

She would write him little love notes and buy his favorite candy on hard work days. He would bring her flowers. She took such good care of them, displaying them on her window sill, always stopping to stick her nose in the daisies. They would do taxes and laundry and little trips to the store. Everything was exciting and romantic. Her laugh was loud and contagious. It always started in a giggle and got progressively more full of life. It would often end with her smudging her mascara with happy tears and George laughing too because he couldn’t help it. Couldn’t stop how she made him feel. And he started planning. Where would they live? Would he need a better paying job? How much was a wedding supposed to cost? And she started planning other things. What colors for the cake? What dress will look best?

George buckled Riley back into his truck, dinosaur and flower in hand. His tulip was looking flat, the stem crushed in places by his little fist, but he didn’t seem to mind. He hit George a few times over the head with it as he checked on Riley’s seatbelt.

George got into the front seat. Riley said “Now we get to visit Auntie Ava?”

“Yeah, Pal.”

“Why do you look so sad?”

“I miss her.”

Riley smiled. “Well once we see her, you don’t have to be so sad!”

George twisted the wedding band on his finger before starting the car and pulling onto the highway. Years before, he had slipped a ring on Ava’s left hand the day she had said yes. She had jumped in his arms and he had spun her around like in the movies. It had been another summer day, the sun setting and the sky a bright red, a smear of rose petal clouds. An absolute perfect moment.

She was wearing her purple shoes and her vanilla perfume the day she had a ruptured aneurysm in her brain. He had shown up for a date, extra change in his wallet should she later want a strawberry cone. She had looked so peaceful, like she had fallen asleep. Makeup done, shoes tied, hair curled. The doctors later said it had all ended very suddenly. Likely no pain.

Three weeks before the wedding.

When they arrived, George held Riley’s sticky hand as they walked to go visit Ava. Her grave was tidy. There were no weeds, the grass was very green. George made sure of it, year after year. Riley stood back as George knelt down to pick up the dead flowers and replace them. He wiped his eyes, placing one hand on the headstone, one in a fist against his mouth, knuckles white. His eyes were so misted he couldn’t even read the words but he knew what they said:

Ava Kylee Caldwell

Loving daughter and wife-to-be

Forever in our hearts

November 7, 1993 - July 17, 2015

After some time, Riley said “We visited Auntie Ava, but you’re still sad.”

“Yeah buddy.” His tears dripped into the grass. “Yeah I am.”

“Why?”

George put his forehead against the warm stone and then stood. “Because you never got to meet her. And I can’t stay with her. I have to leave her here.”

The sun was setting when they left the cemetery. Riley had set his crushed flower next to the others before taking George’s hand.

“Mommy said you need a date,” Riley said as Goerge buckled him in with tear-soaked hands. “She says I need a new Auntie.”

George got behind the wheel and reached his right hand down as if to hold Ava’s hand even though it had been years.

George looked at him through the rear view mirror. “There’s no replacing her, Pal. Not ever.”

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