She was wearing a yellow dress

By the time I stepped outside, the leaves were on fire. The warm orange glow that I felt on my face was something that I didn’t feel for a long time. The pressure that I felt was finally gone, and I felt like I could take my first real breath in hours. 

Although I could very well imagine that people wouldn’t find this calming. The sight of these beautiful yellow leaves on fire looked sad, existing for no other reason than to exist. In my hand, I was still holding the letter that she wrote to me. The letter that I found on my pillow two days ago. 

I walk inside my bedroom, hoping for a glimpse of her. But too bad, she had already gone out of the window. By the time that I looked outside the only remains that I saw of her was the indent in the autumn leaves that were lying just below my window.  I go to lie down on my bed, but just as my head hits the pillow below, I feel the letter that she left me. Written on the front, in curvy letters, I read; ‘Don’t open this till October 3rd.’ I go to check on my phone when exactly October third is, and I see that it is in two days. My curiosity almost gets the best of me, but I manage to put the letter aside and fall back into my pillow. I remind myself of what has happened in the past 6 months. If I would’ve told myself that I would’ve had a girlfriend by now I would’ve never believed it. 

Sometimes I still find it hard to admit to myself. But when I saw her walk into the coffee shop that I work at, I knew for a fact that she was the love of my life. I still know what she ordered. A black coffee with three ice cubes. It was April and I looked at her with amazement. I couldn’t imagine drinking cold coffee when it was cold outside. I still get shivers just thinking about it. She was wearing this beautiful yellow dress, with a cute hair clip that matched her eye color perfectly. I always found her sense of style something that I couldn’t wrap my head around. I barely have time to have breakfast in the morning. 

The next morning I wake up still in a haze of what happened last night. I remember the letter and almost immediately get the urge to open it, but I stop myself once again. And to be honest. I don’t have any time to waste, I’m already running late. I throw on my work apron and rush out of the door, grabbing a piece of toast and wishing my parents a nice day on the way out. I jump inside of my car and see the bunny hanging on my rearview mirror, the bunny that she got me on my birthday. I start the car and drive to work. Once I’ve clocked in, I open the coffee shop and wait for my regular customers. I could never imagine working here without them. I’ve been working in this coffee shop for almost a year now, and I think that I know every customer that has set foot in this coffee shop. Not that the town in itself is big, everyone knows each other by name here. Which on one hand is very nice, but that also means that rumors spread fast. 

Not more than two hours later she enters the store. I didn’t even notice her at first, I was still cleaning the cup that another customer had just returned. So when I finally saw her I felt weird. She had the prettiest smile on her face, that was framed by her black round glasses and was glowing like always. ‘Good morning!’, she said. I felt my cheeks becoming redder and redder and I couldn’t even speak normally. Even after six months she never fails to make me feel shy. ‘My usual please’, she says while giggling. I get her coffee ready in record time and look around the store. Thankfully there are no other customers in the shop, so I went and joined her at her usual spot. We sat in silence for a few moments, me admiring her beauty and her just looking out of the window. A habit that she has always had, looking at people and creating their stories in her head. Consumed by these moments, I didn’t even notice the bell that rang, announcing that a customer had entered the store. I rushed over to take his order and before I could even look back, she had already left her table. She is good at that., leaving without anyone noticing. I wish I possessed that trait. Ending my shift I shut the door behind me and think just one more time about her. About the day that I asked her to be my girlfriend. Hoping that she would say yes, my heart pounding in my chest. She was wearing that same yellow dress that she wore the first time that I saw her. The clip was missing though. I later found out that she had lost it while she was going home from school. I still cannot imagine that she has to take the bus every day. I always appreciated that my parents had bought me a car so I wouldn’t have to worry about my drive to school each day, but this made me even more appreciative. 

I have always had my ups and downs with my family. We can get along just fine, but there are still a lot of things that they don’t accept about me. The fact that I don’t like men for example. When I tried to come out to them, they just brushed it off as a phase that I was going through. Still, I have it a lot better than other people. Emily got sent to conversion camp. She lives with her aunt and uncle now. Which isn’t much better than living with her parents, but at least they took her in. I tried to convince her to come live with me, but I know my parents would never approve of that. Of my relationship with her. I just keep telling myself that in two days my birthday will be and that we will get out of this stupid small town. I don’t want to live here forever and end up just like my parents. Miserable in a marriage that has been falling apart since the beginning, just staying together for the children. I hope that there will be a day where I will look Emily in the eyes and get out of here. I drive the car up on the driveway and search for my keys. 

‘Shit, I must’ve left them in my car.’ Walking back I see the pile of yellow leaves that still need to be thrown away. The indent from Emily's jump is still very visible. I grab my keys from the passenger seat and open the front door. My parents are both still at work and I’m lost again. Never has this place felt like home. The days that I have looked for ways out of this stupid place have been countless, and I can’t wait for the day that I can leave this town and go out for college. I have been counting the days for the past couple of months and now the moment is finally here. In two days I’m turning eighteen and getting out of here. 

I never had many friends in high school. I never really got bullied, but not a lot of people wanted to be friends with me. At lunch I always sat alone, and I never got into a close friend group. I think the real low was that time when someone spread a rumor that I was into girls. I am into girls and that rumor wasn’t even the real problem. The problem was that my mom found out of course. The rumors spread fast in such a little town. My mom sat down with me and my dad and she explained that I should think about how my actions influence our family. The baker had already looked at her funny. ‘Of course, I would support you if you think that you are a lesbian, but you shouldn’t tell that to other people’, she said. I think the look on my face said enough because she hasn’t brought it up since. 

When I woke up on October third I felt this awful dread deep inside of me. The excitement that I have been feeling this whole time about leaving town was gone and instead, it felt like someone was pressing on my chest and making it impossible for me to take a normal breath. I tried to calm myself down and come back to the moment, the moment I have been waiting for for months. 

When all of the sudden I remembered the letter that Emily wrote to me. I open it up with a letter opener that I found in my already packed suitcase. When I took out the piece of paper that was inside I burst into tears, seeing the little apartment that Emily had found for us. This whole time we have been searching for a tiny place, but everything was either too expensive or looked like it could have been haunted. But she did it, she found a place for us. The tears streamed down my face like little rivers and made my eyes puff up. After taking a cold shower to calm me down a bit, I went downstairs where my parents were sitting with some cake. After a quick happy birthday, which was already more than I expected, I called up Emily. 

Not too much later I heard the doorbell ring. With my way too full suitcase I walked down the stairs and opened the door. My parents were standing just behind me and walked with us outside of the house. To our amazement, there was a smell of smoke that filled our noses and I tried to look at what was happening outside of the door. By the time I stepped outside, the leaves were on fire. The warm orange glow that I felt on my face was something that I didn’t feel for a long time. The pressure that I felt was finally gone, and I felt like I could take my first real breath in hours. 

Although I could very well imagine that people wouldn’t find this calming. The sight of these beautiful yellow leaves on fire looked sad, existing for no other reason than to exist. In my hand, I was still holding the letter that she wrote to me. The letter that I found on my pillow two days ago.

I looked at Emily and was waiting for her to look back. She was consumed by the flames that were growing taller and taller. So instead of waiting for her, I grabbed her by the waist and pulled her close. Our lips touched and I felt something that I have never felt before. It was a mixture of the heat of the flames, the look of my parents, and the feeling of her lips on mine. 

I was so happy that this was the last moment that I would remember of this town. I felt like I had made it.

THE END