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General

Jane’s Perspective

I start walking home from school. The trees sway to the wind, dancing. I hear a sound, coming from my backpack. 

Ding 

I open my backpack and grab my phone, under all the necessities I need for school. Pressing the home button, I get a message. (302)-586-2323. Of course, this number was not in my contacts, and it had sent a calendar emoji with “march 17” on it. It must be a scam, I think to myself. I put my phone in my backpack, and then quietly admire my new Nike branded tennis shoes, while I walk home from school. 

At home, dad was surprisingly home from work early, so we made my favorite after school snack, Coconut Brownie Bites. I typically don’t eat this very often because dad is always reminding me of how many calories it has in it. While finishing eating, I ask dad about mom. He doesn’t really like talking about her ever since they got divorced, but I just wondered what was really going on with her. Like usual he just switched the topic away.

After eating, I quickly went upstairs to complete my homework while dad had to take care of some work calls which were continuously ringing. Homework was the toughest part. Every fifth-grade class had five-minute homework, but Mr. Hallman had to assign the most homework. I spent most of my evening upstairs, but come down in time for dinner, and just ended my day binge watching T.V. 

I stare at my alarm clock as I wake up. Tuesday, March 14. I fix myself some breakfast and rush out to school. Mr. Hallman was taking attendance just as I walked in the door. I took my seat and adjusted as the morning began. 

School whirled around quickly, and the dismissal bell rang. Rushing out the door, I hear a ding. Thinking it might be dad, I take my phone out of my backpack and see the notification. (302)-568-2323. The same scam number that texted me yesterday. I still look at the text though. A mountain emoji. How strange?

At home, I grabbed a fruit bar from the pantry and started munching on it for the next fifteen minutes. Afterward, I endlessly watch the Alexa and Katie episodes until dad came home from work screaming at someone on the phone. Dad did not look pleasant, so I switched off the T.V. and took a warm steam shower.

The next day, I woke up because my phone rang. (302)-586-2323 was calling me. What was this humans problem? First, they send me weird emoji’s, and now they are calling me. I immediately ignored the call, and then the person texted me another emoji, of a red cross. I couldn’t go back to sleep, so I made breakfast and ate it slowly. Then, dad immediately showed up, saying that we need to go to school early because he had to go to work earlier today. 

At school, we didn’t really learn much since we had an assembly at the gym. We had to skip social studies, math, and science for it. I walked home and did nothing but binge-watch T.V since we didn’t have much homework.

The next day, I did my regular morning routine, and apparently had to walk to school when I got a text from the same number that’s been bothering me for the last few days. (302)-586-2323. I looked at the text, and it had a yikes type face emoji, with teeth sticking out. I put my phone in my backpack and headed further down the road to school.

In school, we figured that we had Friday off, because of parent/teacher conferences. I realized that my parent/teacher conference was on Monday (since Monday was also off for the same reason.) 

At home, dad was there and said that we were gonna go hiking tomorrow. He said he already planned this hiking trip, and we were gonna go hike at the mountain of Nature’s Valley Nature Park. We were gonna leave early in the morning, so we basically kinda packed for it, and went to sleep. 

The next day, early in the morning, dad woke me up, and we got going. Thankfully, dad took my phone, knowing I love to fill up my storage with scenic pictures. In the car, I slept a bit more, until we arrived. Once we arrived, we figured out that there were only a few cars in the driving lot (which was a lot less than we expected.) I got my tiny backpack, which contained my phone, my water bottle, some snacks, and honest kids. 

In the middle of our beautiful climb, I got a text message from the same number that did it this week. (302)-586-2323. Just as I opened my phone, the mountain started shaking. Then I looked at the text, and it said “RUN SIS!” The mountain started shaking, and that’s when I realized that all the text emoji’s where saying not to go. But just using my foolish brain, I ignored them. Agreeing to the person, me and dad started running, hoping we would make it alive. It was all the truth, the person who was texting was right.

Audrey’s Perspective

I feel so sad for being the reason my sister died. You might be wondering, Is Jane my sister? The answer is yes. Jane did not know she had a sister since I lived with our mom. Dad never told her about it, but I knew about it because mom told me. Mom apparently knew Jane’s number, and I started texting her. I knew this mountain was gonna collapse, after learning about it on the news and school. Dad and Jane never watched the news, so they had no idea. I’m so sad, well, more of guilty. I don’t know how I could ever forgive myself. Day and night, all I think about is this. I found the ruins and their dead bodies. I believed they might have made it out alive, but they didn’t. I wanted to know my real sister. I wanted to be a real sister. I went to the ruins and did the most realistic thing. Die. I didn’t wanna live. You guys might think I’m ridiculous, but all I’ve ever wanted to do in my whole life is want a sister. And I learned my wish came true 3 years ago. But now, I just want to die. It was all the truth. The news was right. 

August 11, 2020 22:23

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9 comments

I like this! You can really make the readers keep reading to see what the emojis mean. I didn't suspect that would happen at all! I always thought Jane was the main character and she'd make amends for a mistake and stuff. Great twist, I love Audrey's point of view in the end, a.k.a. her sister, who was trying to make amends for a mistake. Clever!

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Ana V
18:10 Dec 24, 2020

Thank you so much, Kendra! I really appreciate your feedback!

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You're welcome!

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Rhondalise Mitza
03:43 Aug 23, 2020

Hey, hey, Ana! I can tell you already have a lot of potential to write amazing stories! There are some things I can help you out with, though, since you asked. No worries, I'll be nice. :) 1.) You can make it longer! The word limit is 3000. 2.) This will allow for more character development, plot building, dialogue, and other things that make a story well structured. 3.) Your grammar honestly was pretty tight, however, there were a few things that could be caught with an online grammar check (most popular one being grammarly) 4.) I w...

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Ana V
14:20 Aug 24, 2020

Hi Rhondalisa! I was wondering which parts to extend this story so that it’s well structured? I did use grammarly before I posted this on Reedsy, so is there anything else I could use to make my grammar better? Please send me an example of grammar misusage in this story. I definitely agree with you about the show not tell part not coming alive in this story. I’ll say lots of people in my comments below and on previous pieces on Reedsy have said this. Do you know how to make show not tell more effectively used in my writin...

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Nandan Prasad
08:39 Aug 13, 2020

Hey, overall this is a wonderful story with a brilliant concept and twist ending. I loved it. Since you asked for some feedback, I'll try and be a little helpful. 1) Instead if writing Jane's Perspective, you can just try Jane, maybe italicized or with an underline. This is nothing too major, so you can keep it this way if you want. It still works. 2) I noticed you started with present tense but switched to past in the middle. Maybe change everything to past or present, whichever you feel like, but keep it constant. 3) You can split Au...

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Ana V
21:32 Aug 15, 2020

Thank you so much, I will surely fix these grammatical errors. Please be sure to check out my previous stories, “Burne” and “Moon Fear.”

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Nandan Prasad
04:22 Aug 16, 2020

Sure, I will.

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Ana V
22:24 Aug 11, 2020

I would love for lot's of comments that will help me improve this writing piece!

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