Road Trip

How far is it again?

Same distance as when you asked me five minutes ago

Well that couldn't be right... Sure it couldn't?... Are ya listening?

No

I was saying it couldn't be the same distance as it was five minutes ago cause we've ate up at least 5 more minutes worth of milage... Ya know?

For fucksake Steph well be there around 6 o'clock you're doing my head in here

Ooooh well sorry Mr. Sensitive. I'll just sit here like a stone and stay silent

Perfect

You're so rude.... Are you excited to meet them?

Who?

My parents obviously, the whole reason we're going on this trip

Yea I'm ecstatic here

Don't be so fucking sarcastic Ryan. You wanted to meet them. I'm not forcing you to meet them and to be honest I don't want you to meet them if your going to be as rude to them as you are to me! And by the way they're so excited to meet you. I've told them all about you and how much you mean to me and it seems like you really don't care either way. Like what the fuck Ryan?

Ah I do wanna meet them sorry

Sorry your always sorry. Sorry Ryan. Look I'm sure they'll love you just try not to be so moody, honestly it's not that hard, you'd swear everyone was dead belonging to ya. 

Mmm

Anyways did I tell you about the new coach at Crossfit, Brian? Well anyways obviously he's really good looking but a complete thick so I was thinking of setting him up with Cara because she's like so pretty but so stupid so they'd be perfect together. Don't you think?

Mmm

Oooh pull into that shop there quick I need to get pads mine is soaked

Uggh

Ah grow up Ryan honestly. Do you want anything?

Nah

Hello 

Well

Whats happening?

Can you hear me? Reception is shite here

Yea I can hear ya now alright. Did you tell her?

Nah not yet she's just in the shop there

Why didn't you dump her?

I dunno. Don't know how I'm gonna go about it

She fucking cheated on ya maybe start with that no?

I know yea but still 

Still what?

I dunno I just... bad timing isn't it.. meant to be meeting her ma and da here and all. On the way down there now like. She's me head melted here

They're probably two gobshites themselves. Listen fuck her and her parents just come out and say it. Tell her you've seen the messages between her and this Brian fella and that it's over between yous

I know yea but like eaisier said than done isn't it?

Well have you any better ideas?

I could just drive away here now leave her at the shop 

That would serve her right 

I'd honestly love to

Well if you don't leave her at the shop your going to just have to be straight up and say it. It's not you thats cheated. You haven't done anything wrong your just going to have to bite the bullet and get it done

Yea I know, here shes coming back... thanks sis

Good luck

Thanks

You get what you needed?

Who were you on the phone to?

My sister

I don't she likes me ya know something funny about her

Think I'll stick on the radio here.

Oooh I love this song.. don't you love this song?

Mmm

And now we are joined by our second caller of the evening. Joe from Ardmuc. Hello Joe

Hello Fred

Pleasure to have you on the air Joe. Joe you are one of the many farmers living alone and isolated in rural Ireland. Joe what measures have you taken to meet a romantic partner?

Well none really not in recent times anyways Fred. Courtin is a young man's game.

Your right there Joe, and have you any hope you will get yourself a woman if indeed it is a woman your looking for?

Well of course it's a woman I'm after for jaysus sake.

Fair enough Joe and how have you tried to attract these elusive females.

Well I did used to put ads in the paper like and go to the the dances and that but sure I was never much of a dancer like. A good drinker mind you... but a bad dancer and sure I wouldn't know what to be saying to them. Some fellas are great at filling them full of shite, promising them the world and the rest of it 

You can't swear on air Joe

I swear to fuck I'm getting desperate Fred maybe one of your feamle listeners listening there will...

Was I asleep?

Yea

Can I turn that off?

Yea

Was I asleep long?

Just after we left the shop I think 

Oh wow we must be nearly there, oh look its the next left after the stone wall, what a sleep I had I must have been wrecked

Listen...

Come on lets get out I'd say they've the dinner ready for us and all

No will ya listen for a second I'm not goin in there

What? Ryan what the fuck are you talking about? Don't fucking embarass me.

I know about Brian

Wh-who?

Brian. Don't lie I seen the messages

 No it wasn't... it isn't, I was trying to set him up with Cara I told you that

By sending him pictures of you with nothing but a towel wrapped around you after you'd showered?

That was not, That was just...what about us Ryan?

There isn't any us anymore

Please Ryan I'm so sorry. I'm sorry ok? It was a mistake and just a stupid thing that happened. We didn't actually do anything it was just texting and like you probably shouldn't have been looking through my phone. Thats like really controling but whatever. What we have is different, its special, it's so much more and I'm so sorry. I'd never do anything like that to hurt you again

Your right there

What? Ryan what do you mean

I mean your right there because I'm leaving. And I didn't go through your phone you left it open when all those messages came through

Ryan I know your angry but lets just talk about this later. My mam and dad are literally at the door they're waiting for us to come in. What am I supposed to tell them?

Tell them your a slut

Oh fuck you! You fuckin prick. I fuckin hate you

Yea you too

Stephanie where is he going? Did he forget something?

Steph don't ignore your mother. Isn't he coming in?

No he's not hes a prick

Oh dear