The Reckoning

As I followed down the street, the road wet beneath my feet,

I crossed my heart and on the street I spat,

For to follow behind a cat, 

A black one, at that,

Was crazy, but then she looked at me and sat. 

I met her eyes and they were green, the strangest I’d ever seen,

She looked at me, right into my soul,

And I knew that I must follow, 

That my pride, I must swallow,

And face my past if I was to be whole.

She lead to the garden of graves, and I knew that I must be brave,

And face the demons that I held within,

And so as she began to purr, 

The moon shining on her fur,

I felt the terror crawl across my skin.

As I followed to a stone, I let out a little moan,

For a name was there, carved within the grey,

As I pushed the moss aside, 

No longer could I hide,

The secret that I had held until this day.

The cat, she looked at me, and in her eyes I could see,

The eternity that stretched beyond this life,

But excuses, I had none,

And I fought the urge to run,

The cold within me cutting like a knife.

I took a step away, and in my head I began to pray,

For my secret was about to be revealed,

That once, a life I’d taken,

And now I was forsaken,

A secret in my heart that I had sealed. 

But I couldn’t turn away, and at last I had to say,

The name that I had long-since spoken,

But the cat, she wouldn’t let,

Me turn away and so forget,

My past and of how my heart had broken.

It was a long time ago, but somehow still I know,

How I felt upon that very day,

When the knife was plunged in deep,

Whilst he was still asleep,

And now I had to face the truth and pay.

I stumbled and almost fell, fearing I would go to hell,

When I spent my last day upon this earth,

That I’d be judged and then I’d falter,

For that day upon the altar,

I’d said my promise, for all that it was worth.

But life had been much harder, for all his love and ardour,

And the man I married turned out cruel and mean,

But no one had believed, 

For he had them all deceived, 

And the bruises that he made went unseen. 

If it had just been me, I could have tried to wrestle free,

But my husband held my son and so I stayed.

I could take what he was giving, 

Could even be forgiving, 

Until he harmed my son and then he paid.

I sat down upon a bench, with my fists and hands all clenched,

I wondered why the cat had brought me here,

I pondered why she came,

And who it was to blame,

But then somehow, she took away my fear. 

For it was just a stone, standing grey and all alone,

And many years had passed since that day,

The police thought it was another,

As they couldn’t blame a mother,

And my son and I finally could say,

That we were safe and we were free, that from a monster we did flee,

But I’m not sure what he can still remember,

For the trauma that I feel,

Is still so very real,

Even though it ended in that bleak November. 

Before the police arrived at home, my son was sleeping on his own,

Because he’d just moved from cot to bed,

I was covered head-to-toe,

In blood from the blow,

And I worried that my son would find him dead.

But then I felt his little hand, and I followed his command,

And he tugged me away and down the hall,

As I got in to the shower, 

Relief began to flower,

Because I knew that now I could stand quite tall.

For my son was now protected, and hopefully not affected,

By his start in life and what he’d seen that night,

But the cat she looked at me,

And something did I see,

That made me feel that something was not right. 

So I examined more closely, my memories and mostly,

Things did happen just as I have said, 

But if I think of that knife,

Was it actually his wife,

That stabbed the man and watched him as he bled?

Why was Noah in the room, surrounded by the gloom,

Of an autumn’s dark cold night and not in bed?

And how did he get drenched in blood,

If in bed he was and should,

Be as clean as when his story I had read?

The cat looked at me and so, I finally understood the glow,

That’d been there in her eyes all of this time,

For she’d shown me what was real,

and now I really had to feel,

The pain of understanding of the crime.

For I had not been the one, to kill him it was my son,

And I had buried this, deep within my mind,

At the knowledge of what was real,

I didn’t know just how to feel,

Because about my son, I had been quite blind.

I thanked the cat and left the grave, no longer feeling brave,

For my life had turned totally about,

On the one hand I was clear,

Of the memory and the fear,

That one day, I would be found out.

But my son, as he grew, was not who I thought I knew,

And he had this taint deep upon his soul,

Would he one day face our maker, 

Knowing that he was the taker,

Of his father’s life and would it take it’s toll?

But for now I headed home, for my son was home alone,

And despite the fact that he was now all grown,

I knew I would protect,

Him from the past and would respect,

That the truth of that night was still unknown.

But as my key was in the door, I paused and thought some more,

Was I safe from my only son?

And no matter how I tried

To brush the thought aside, 

The unravelling of our family had begun.