Tea and Biscuits

‘So, what’s the catch?’ I asked, confused at Gabriel’s immediate agreement to my plan.

‘That’s not the right question to ask’ he responded sharply, his still powerful eyes boring into mine.

I took a deep breath in, trying to remain calm, in control. I was trained for this kind of situation; I just hadn’t expected it to happen that way. I had hoped I’d be given more time, a few more chances to prove myself, to gain his trust. More time to figure things out, more time to learn what not to say. Speaking to Gabriel was like walking on a tight rope. It required skill, patience and an immense amount of luck. In that moment, though, I knew my luck had run out.

I tried to change my tactic. Don’t ignore what he had said, but don’t respond to it. Find a different way, change the tune, don’t aggravate him further I told myself.

‘OK Gabriel. I get you. I’m sorry. I should’ve known that was a stupid question to ask. Let me rephrase. How do I know you’re not going to blow up the minute I agree to let you come with me?’

Shit.

I shouldn’t have said that either. Out of all the things I could’ve said, triggering him like this was the stupidest thing I could’ve done.

Before I had a chance to explain or even mumble yet another excuse, Gabriel started to laugh. Not just laugh. Howl. He howled like a wolf, his eyes firmly fixed on me, his prey. His stocky body was shaking in waves, making his laughter sound as uncomfortable as the screeching of the tires on my old Ford Transit.

I felt confused. Under normal circumstances, it would have been tempting to join in with this ridiculous attempt of making an uncomfortable situation funny. This was no comedy show though. This was not about laughing your head off.

This was not normal.

I was serious, I was here to do a job and he knew that. Him laughing that way, at me, I feared was just the beginning, to screw me over, to delay what I needed to do, hindering my efforts to get it right.

I folded my arms across my chest, so that he couldn’t see my shaking hands. I focused, took a deep breath in, curled my lips and resisted my own urge to give him some my mind.

He stopped laughing as abruptly as he’d started. Gabriel wiped the spit off the side of his mouth, walked over to where I was standing and whispered into my ear ‘If I’d wanted to blow up and take your lovely head with me, I would’ve already done it sweetie pie.’ His hot breath burnt against my neck, the stale smell of it overpowering my poor nostrils which still weren’t used to the smell of violence and despair. Instinctively, my head moved away from his, seeking space, seeking solace from his invasion of my privacy.

‘What is it you want then?’ I asked, through gritted teeth, still trying to remain composed, calm and in control.

‘That’s a better question. It sounds less like you’re trying to blackmail me. I want you to be nice to me. I want you to excite me.’ Gabriel whispered, with his face still too close to mine.

‘I’m always nice to you but I’m not sure what it is you want.’ I said, my voice trembling, my eyes scanning the room, my brain working overtime trying to figure out whether it wasn’t too late for me to simply run.

Gabriel sensed my unease and responded quicker than my thoughts allowed me to. His right hand gripped my arm hard and pulled me in even further towards him.

‘Now listen, you piece of unnecessary existence!  I want you to be mega nice to me today. Like nicer than you’ve ever been before.’ Gabriel held on to me and waited until I was finally able to look at him. I studied his face, searching for clues to his demands in the deep lines that were edged across his face. Lines that were a reminder of his age and the reckless life he’d lived until then. Despite having known him for months, his response to my seemingly innocent request still overpowered me. I should have known that in Gabriel’s world, nothing was ever free. Favors weren’t given, they were earned. I had asked him to do something for me before laying down what I was prepared to do for him. I was at his mercy. I was his favour.  

‘Do this for me, and I will do whatever you want me to do.’ Gabriel said, his face breaking out in a grin.

I swallowed hard and cleared my throat from the bile that my stomach had forced up.

‘You know I can’t do that.’ I whispered, acutely aware that the small stutter in my fragile voice would just give him more ammunition to keep me in his grip.

‘Do I need to remind you who I am? What I am capable of?’ Gabriel hissed at me.

I tried to move my arm away from his grip to no avail, the panic over what I’d let myself get into taking over my body with an uncontrollable force.

‘Please will you take your hand off me or I…’ I didn’t manage to finish my sentence when Gabriel suddenly pushed his other hand in front of my mouth, pulling my head into his stone hard chest.

Without thinking I tried to break free, yet with every move, his grip became firmer and stronger.

‘I told you to be nice to me.’ Gabriel shouted into my ear, my own screams silenced by his wiry hand over my mouth. He dragged me towards the door. I knew that if he managed to shut it before I got out of his grip, I was done.

I pushed my weight against his body with all the strength I had in me. It slowed him down but didn’t lessen his grip.

I tried to move my head forward so that I could headbutt his chest. Gabriel didn’t even flinch.

Just as he’d reached the door, just for a second, his left hand loosened over my mouth.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw his foot already on the door, ready to kick it shut it, when I saw my last chance. I opened my mouth as wide as I could and did the only thing there was left to try.

I bit down. Hard. Right into the palm of his hand.

Gabriel let out a scream before letting go off me.

I jumped out of his grip and his room, down the long corridor, where Sam and Mike came running towards me.

I collapsed into Mike’s arms, my body shaking uncontrollably.

‘Jane, what happened?’ Mike said, his voice full of urgency and worry.

Before I could answer, Gabriel came rushing towards the three of us, holding his hand up in the air, my red bite mark clearly visible against his pale skin. ‘She bit me. The bitch just bit me.’

Sam jumped in front of Mike and me, blocking Gabriel’s way, pulling his hand down, telling him to calm down.

‘I deal with Gabriel, and you take Jane back to the office.’ Sam barged at Mike. ‘Find out what the hell happened.’ He said harshly.

‘I can tell you exactly what happened.’ Gabriel intercepted loudly.

‘I was minding my business when she came knocking on my door, asking me whether I wanted to go with her for some tea and biscuits. She wanted to wind me up. I told her to drop the pretense. I know what you guys always want from me. I knew what she wanted. It’s never just tea and biscuits. You want to turn me into a zombie. But I was in a good mood for once and even my little voices told me to be nice. So, I agreed to come with her just to see how she was going to pull this off. You know, co-operate for once. To see whether she had it in her. Yet somehow, she freaked out and I ended up nearly losing my hand.’

I wanted to protest, claim my innocence, explain what happened, yet Mike looked down at me and shook his head. ‘Let’s get you to the office and have a chat about it.’ He said, before guiding me down the end of the corridor, into our office, where he shut the door and I finally let my tears roll.

‘I shouldn’t have trusted him.’ I said, sobbing. ‘This is an impossible job. How do you care about someone that makes it so hard to care for them? Why do I have to walk on egg shells around him, just for that never to be enough? No matter what I say, no matter what I do, it’s always wrong. I don’t think I can do this any longer. I am done, I want to go home.’

Mike edged closer to me; his warm hands took mine into his.

‘Listen Jane. What we do is impossible at times. Gabriel is the way he is because that’s the way he is. Just like you are the way you are. You’re not going to change that. You’re right that you can’t trust him. Just like you can never tell him that you don’t trust him. But you can’t give up. We can’t give up.  Neither on him, nor on you. Without people like us, Gabriel wouldn’t survive. He needs us to care. We’ll use what happened to learn from. You will learn from this.’ Mike paused, making sure I’d understood what he’d said.

I nodded, with tears still falling from my eyes.

‘So, let’s go over to the kitchen to have a cup of tea and some biscuits.’ Mike said, before taking my hand and leading me back down the corridor to the nurse’s station, where I washed down the little blue pill he handed me with a cold cup of tea and some stale ginger biscuits.

I heard Gabriel laughing in the corner of the room, his fingers pointed at me. ‘I told you - it’s never just a cup of tea and biscuits.’