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Contemporary Fiction Sad

This story contains themes or mentions of suicide or self harm.

1

Are you there, God? It’s me, you know who. 

No, we are not doing this again. The first time I let it go. Okay, I have not let it go. I kept silent. Did I talk to you about it? No, I just let you do as you please, you being King of everything and all. You know everything. You know what I’m going to ask even before I ask it. I’m going to ask anyway. It’s the only thing I can do right now.

You gave me the gift of partnering with you to save lives. I couldn’t save…her. Now, I can’t save my best friend. You can. Do not make me go through what I did when she… I am still going through it, you know. Of course you know. You know everything. You know I can’t take it if he…

They say Denial is a river in Egypt. You remember Egypt, right? Pharaohs and chariots and a Red Sea? Well, here’s another Red Sea before us. Part it. You did it once, You can do it again. 

You are King of everything, after all…

It was time for the daily briefing. He took in a deep breathe, inhaling the familiar hospital smell. In his previous life, he used to find the smell comforting. Now, he found it overwhelming and oppressive. He slowly breathed out. 

He recalled the dream, no, the nightmare he had had about...her. There was a swimming pool right in the middle of a hospital lobby and above it, a tight rope.

He had been trying to put many metaphorical miles between him and this place, and such places. Yet, here he was, once again. His previous career came in handy during the daily briefing. The others were too distraught to bother asking questions that would clarify the jargon. He wished he did not understand the jargon. Ignorance can be bliss.

Denial can also be bliss. 

2

Dear God, it’s me, you know who.

What the hell?

Didn’t we talk about this? 

Okay, I talked and You listened.

You did listen, didn’t you?

Or was I just talking to myself?

I know you are the King of everything but you are the one who invited us mere mortals to boldly come before your throne of grace. You invited us to reason with you. You invited us to come to you if we are burdened. I did, so why the silence? Things are getting worse. Your Apostle said, “Be angry but do not sin.”

I am angry. 

I want to go out and sin.

With twins.

All. Night. Long.

He could not stand to be in the waiting room for one second longer. Everything about it was grating on his nerves. The neutral wall colours, the neutral wall paintings, the neutral face of the server. Yes, server, because they were in the private wing and his best friend deserved the very best as he fought for his life. Was he fighting for his life? Wasn’t the reason why he was here in the first place because he had given up fighting for his life? Anger bubbled up inside him and he knew if he stayed in that waiting room, he was going to explode.

He went out. He was brought for twins. He could...not. He granted their wish for a group selfie at the hotel lobby. He went home alone, smashed one of his favourite drum sets then he went back to the waiting room.

He was welcomed by a livid Publicist and disappointed band mates. The Publicist brandished a smartphone in front of his face. He read the social media post by an online gossip magazine:

“Drummer partying with twins as band mate fights for life”

He tried to explain that nothing happened with the twins but they all chose to believe that the hotel lobby selfie was incriminating evidence. Their heated argument was interrupted by a doctor who briefed them.

He escaped to the hospital chapel.

3

Dear God, it’s me, you know who.

Please accept my heartfelt apologies about last time. I did not mean to be so disrespectful. Look, you are the King of the universe. You own everything, but if there is anything I can do for You, if there is anything I can give You, in return for this one favour I’m asking you to do for me, then just name it. I will walk away from my wayward ways. I will give up the talent You gave me. If You want, if You really, really want, I can even go back to the profession I walked away from. Name Your price.

In the next briefing, the doctor in charge told them that even if the patient woke up, there was a possibility that he would be brain-damaged. Their lawyer felt compelled to warn them that if the patient woke up, he could be charged with attempting to take his own life.

4

Dear God, it’s.

Oh dear God!

God!

He was not the main songwriter in the band. That privilege was for the patient that they were all waiting for to wake up, including the thousands of fans camped outside the hospital plus many more all over the country and the world. He was not the main songwriter in the band but for the first time, he wrote the lyrics to a song.

Danny told Annie

Beware of Benny’s

Destructive tendencies

He’ll sink your boat

Leave you to rot

In the murky open seas.

As soon as he finished writing a portion of the song lyrics, he felt the need to show them to the main song writer. At the last moment, he remembered that the main song writer was busy fighting for his life. He put the song lyrics away, looked at his fellow band mates, looked at the waiting room and braced himself to wait for his best friend to wake up, no matter how long it took.

5

Dear God, it’s me, you know who. You’re the King of the universe. You own everything. You know the end from the beginning. Our lives are in your hands. You know best. Your kingdom come, Your will be done.

February 11, 2022 20:50

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