Jupiter's Golden Stain

Jupiter's Golden Stain

Doesn’t look special to me…

The words haunted him as he lay down to rest. Usually as soon as his head hit the pillow he found himself in a deep sleep.

But not today. Not tonight.

Dave couldn’t help but focus on his least favourite spot on the ceiling. It wasn’t a wet patch, but it looked like one.

It looked like a yellow stain. Like a cat had urinated on polystyrene. Like the cat had done it several times. Like it was the cat’s favourite place to take a slash. Like the urine was starting to eat through the ceiling after years of being a cat toilet.

But it wasn’t.

Doesn’t look special to me…

It was actually stardust.

Special…

From a time when his girlfriend was staying over with him. A time when he had cute little glow stickers on the ceiling. To remind him of Abigail while she was at work overnight.

So he wouldn’t feel lonely when he missed her.

The weird little glow patch seemed like a spectre from another timeline. As much as he tried, he couldn’t look away. And the more he tried, the more he felt fixated upon that little spot.

It burned into his eyes.

A faintly glowing patch of double sided tape. Tape that didn’t actually glow… it left a dark spot. A dark hole in his mind where Jupiter used to be.

The whole solar system, actually. With a messy bunch of stars surrounding the planets.

Jupiter was Abigail’s favourite.

“Did you know that the big storm in Jupiter is actually called the Great Red Spot?” she had asked him this one night, after their afternoon picnic had turned into stargazing.

The night he learned about her passion for astronomy.

Doesn’t look special to me…

“Its real name is the Jovian Cloud and it's the largest known storm in the solar system. The wind in there gets to about 435 kilometres per hour,” she told him, as she lazily poured herself a glass of red wine, pretending to offer him some before jokingly pulling the bottle away.

“Not so fast, Designated Dave,” she taunted, “you’ve got to drive me home first… or maybe back to your place?”

That was the night they first truly clicked. The first time Dave had ever really felt a genuine connection with someone if he was being honest. Something beyond a surface level friendship. Or romance.

Special…

After that night, he bought her some glow stars to put in her room. If she wanted… He didn’t know if a 20 something Night Manager would want stars on their roof when you couldn’t see them glow during the day. But he thought it was a fitting gift.

And unbeknownst to Dave she had done exactly the same thing.

“Just a little something so you don’t forget me!” she exclaimed, as she stood on his bed and jumped a little to make each planet and star stick.

He remembered being slightly annoyed… mostly because he didn’t know if the stars would come off and he was renting this apartment… but also because she ‘stole’ his idea.

But it was very cute, and it did make him remember her at night. It made him imagine what she was getting up to at the hotel.

How many plates of nachos will room 604 order tonight? he wondered.

And with that thought, a deep sigh and a hollow moan escaped his body. Never in his life had he felt so empty.

Doesn’t look special to me…

He regretted saying it instantly. More than instantly, even.

As soon as he opened his mouth, he knew it was wrong… but he couldn’t stop the words from surging out. The flood gates had opened.

He had crossed the rubicon. Unwittingly.

Special…

Why did she have to show him her painting on that day of all days?

A sick twist of fate.

A cruel joke.

That she had shown him her artwork on the day his father died. Or the anniversary thereof anyway.

I’d love to see your paintings Ab. I’ll show them to my dad, I’m sure he’ll love them. He always loves to see other artist’s work. Maybe he’ll give you a few pointers… though I doubt you’ll need them.

That’s what he had said.

Referring to his imaginary father. Alive only in his mind.

Special…

Any other day he would have been able to brush it off as a joke.

“Oh dad’s not in today, but it’s a gorgeous painting. You captured Jupiter’s soul perfectly Ab. The perfect omniscient eye of god,” he imagined he would have said.

What he wished he’d said.

Doesn’t look special to me…

But instead he’d cut her deep. Beyond deep.

She’d never shown him her artwork before.

And instead of a beautiful night in bed with Abigail on her night off, Dave was lying stuck on his own, looking at slashed up stars on his roof.

The look of fear and confusion in her eyes before the tears spilled out, forever embedded into his mind.

She knew that Dave wasn’t quite himself at the time. So she took her painting and left without a word.

He knew she’d be back, but he couldn’t get himself together enough to process what had happened.

So instead the words kept rolling over and over in his mind.

Doesn’t look special to me…

Special…

Tears.

Confusion.

Pain.

Anger.

Hurt.

And an afternoon of peeling stars off the roof so he wouldn’t feel guilty that night.

But instead he felt worse.

Not only could he still see the patches on his ceiling, reminding him of her, but he felt as though he had desecrated her memory somehow. The memory of their love.

But he knew she’d be back tomorrow. Or whenever he worked up the courage to call her.

And tell her about his dead father.

And then, because they’re both adults - he told himself - everything would be ok.

Things would be truly special again.

And with that thought, he realised he could just put the stars back up in the morning.

Though a hint of panic began to creep in as he realised he might not get his rental bond back.

But oh well.

That’s a thought for tomorrow…