The Rift

An excerpt from current WIP novel, "Confessions of a Church Girl"

Later that evening, as we got ready for bed and Robert was now resting up for a full new day of work tomorrow, Gemma came to my room to get her nightwear and toiletries.

“You’re really enjoying this room, huh?” She smiled, and I nodded.

“Yeah. I enjoyed it a lot while you were gone.”

“Well, don’t let my being here keep you from enjoying it. This is your space, Lanie. You need to feel as comfortable as possible. Don’t worry so much about me.”

“I know.” I shut the door before sitting back on the bed. “While you’re here, I’d like to talk to you about something, if you don’t mind.”

“Sure, I don’t mind.” She sat on the chair next to me, facing me. “What’s up?”

I took a small breath before letting her know about Robert’s plan for us to “pretend” we’re married. “So, Robert and I suggested that we pretend we’re married.” Her expression changed to bewilderment. “No, don’t worry; it’s just a small joke between us. No one else has to know. I’m just letting you know, in case you ever hear Robert refer to me as his ‘wife’ or something like that in passing.”

She shook her head. “Why would you want him to refer to you as his ‘wife’? You guys aren’t even really married. You’re aware of that, right?”

“I know that, Gem.” I sighed. “We love each other so much, it’s kind of weird for us to not have a way to label our relationship. I’d like to think of him as more than just my baby’s father.”

Still perplexed, she said, “So, what… You want him to be your boyfriend? Is that what you’re saying? You wanna go out on a date with him in public, where anyone else can see you guys together and put two and two together—especially people who know him and his family best? Are you sure that’s something you’re willing to risk for your own purpose, Lanie—having a relationship to ‘define’?” She put air quotes, then shook her head. “No, absolutely not. While I’m here, you will not start calling each other ‘Hubby and Wife.’ It’s just wrong!”

I was about to interject before she continued. “Think rationally about this for five seconds, Lanie. Robert is just your baby’s father. I know, it sucks. Right? You want him to be more than that to you, but you need to be realistic. Neither of your families are gonna be happy about this once the secret’s out. The fallout will be explosive and tear all of you apart, and as a Mackenzie, I’d hate to be the poor, unfortunate fool caught in the middle of everything. You think you’re in love with Robert now? Think again.”

She got up, began pacing around the room. “Once upon a time, Robert and your sister were a happy couple with a storybook romance. He was supposed to marry her. Krissy and Robert were supposed to have their fairytale wedding and a happily ever after, but obviously, none of that happened. Wanna know why, Lanie? Because it just didn’t work out, just like you and I both observed. It didn’t work out for them. What makes you think it’ll work out in the long run for you two? You only share this special bond with each other because of the baby, and that’s all there is to it. If you hadn’t been so reckless enough to mistake him for his identical twin brother, then neither of this would’ve happened in the first place. So, stop deluding yourself for one minute, and wake up and see reality for what it is. This is all gonna end in a disaster, and your families are gonna be collateral damages. And poor Krissy, too—still having no closure after all this time of Robert’s sudden break-up through text and email!”

She was practically shouting, so I had to quiet her down. “One, stop yelling.” I insisted. “And two, you have a hell of a nerve to throw that back in my face—my fatally mistaken one-night stand with Robert! I know what I did wrong, Gem. I hate that I even put myself in that situation in the first place. I only told you this as something we could keep between us, sort of as a little joke. I wasn’t really expecting a lecture from you.” I folded my arms, rolling my eyes.

“A lecture? A joke?” She scoffed. “So, you think it’s funny that he’ll start referring to you as his ‘wife’? Is that what you want, Lanie? You want your fairytale fantasy to come true to life by marrying your sister’s ex-fiancé in a torrid love affair?”

I scoffed. “Torrid love affair?” I repeated. “Are you trying to say we’re acting like Romeo and Juliet?”

“You guys are the contemporary version of Romeo and Juliet—except Romeo is wealthy and comes from a family background of influence, and Juliet is a devout church girl who’s gotten herself into quite a predicament that can’t be undone, no matter how much you wish for a freaking time machine to reverse all the wrongs you’ve committed. You’re not Juliet, so stop acting like her. You’re 23, and by societal standards, you’re a freaking grown woman! You know better, Lanie. There is no ‘relationship’ for you guys to define!”

She took a deep breath to collect herself, then continued. “Your sister’s ex-fiancé cheated on her with you while you were both stupidly drunk out of your minds one crazy night—a moment in time that was never supposed to happen at all. So, yeah, this is a forbidden romance. But being a supportive, loving friend, I’m advocating for your relationship because I want you to be happy for once after the emotional hell Jason had put you through. What I won’t support is your sister’s ex-fiancé calling you his wife, when you two aren’t even married… Nor should you ever be!” I couldn’t believe how loud she was raising her voice.

“Enough!” Now I was screaming. “I’ve heard just about enough from you tonight, Gemma. Don’t dictate my life choices for me. If it’s something I wanna do, I’ll do it, and I don’t give a rat’s behind about your opinion.”

“Fine.” She grabbed her pajamas and toiletries, as well as her hair brush. “Maybe I won’t go dress shopping with you tomorrow to hide your illicit little ‘secret baby’. So, I’m afraid you’ll be on your own if anyone in your family ever catches you out in public by chance and notices your pregnant belly. Let’s give them a minute to catch on to the fact that you’re gaining so much weight so suddenly, and we’ll see what they have to say about that. I wonder what other big lies you’ll cook up for them to ward off their suspicions. How will you explain distancing yourself from them this whole summer?” She stormed off, slamming shut the door behind her.

I heard Robert’s voice. “Ladies, what’s going on here?”

I got out of the room, and Robert gave me a baffled look as Gemma got settled on the couch, her new bed for the moment. “Nothing that concerns you, Robert,” she snapped.

“Well, it is my concern because I heard a lot of yelling, and I’m sure other neighbors around could hear it, too.” He sat next to her on the couch. “I heard my name being mentioned. What’s going on?”

I sighed. “So sorry for waking you up, babe. Gem and I were just…”

She scoffed, shaking her head. “So, now you’re calling each other babe? Just like you want her to call you her husband and act like you’re married?”

“Gem, please…” I snapped.

“Don’t please me, Lanie. This is wrong, and you know it!”

“Wait, are you upset because of our suggestion to pretend we’re married?” Robert asked.

“I’m not an idiot, Robert, and that’s not gonna happen on my watch. You’re not married, and you’ll never be. You’re Kristina’s ex, for crying out loud!” She raised her voice a little higher. “What the hell is wrong with you two, holding on to this little fantasy that your families will be okay with any of this?”

She turned to me. “You might as well just tell your family you’re pregnant already, if you’re serious about eloping with Robert… Which I doubt will ever happen, but this isn’t a joke to me and it shouldn’t be for you guys. End of discussion. You guys know better than this. Stop acting like freaking Romeo and Juliet; they’re children, but you guys are grown adults!”

Robert took a deep breath to stay calm, and said softly, “I’m so sorry, Gemma. We didn’t mean to offend you. It was a stupid idea. My idea, really… Lanie just chose to go along with it. So, be mad at me all you want.” He held her hand. “Lanie had nothing to do with this. We’ll call off the whole plan.”

“You better call it off.” She nodded in agreement. “That was such a dumb idea to begin with, Robert. You’re a grown man, and you know better. Why would you want your ex-fiancée’s younger sister to be your new wife, just because you knocked her up in a crazy, drunken one-night stand? This won’t be fair to Kristina, so don’t even think about it or talk about this again. Not in my presence, now that I’m back from campus.”

“God, you’re beginning to sound like someone’s mom,” I groaned.

She stood up, coming closer to me. “Of course you’d say that, Lanie. You’ve been living here scot-free of consequences for your actions, and when someone like me with a good head on my shoulders tries to advise you from making the biggest mistake of your life, you think I’m sounding like a mother. Is that it? Face it, you’re not even ready to become a mom. You’re only 23; you don’t even have what it takes. You’re reckless and impulsive, and thank God your family always buys your little lies you’ve been feeding them. They completely trust you, and I’d hate to see what the moment would be like if they ever stopped trusting their ‘Precious Lanie.’”

Robert started pacing around the room, as if doing his best to not get caught in the middle. I didn’t blame him.

“You don’t think I’m ready for motherhood?” I challenged her, and she shook her head.

“No, Lanie, I don’t think you are… Nor will you ever be. By tomorrow morning, one of us has gotta go. We can’t both be here with Robert where your delusions will continue to trick you into thinking you both have a future with each other. The only future you guys have is a nonexistent one, with or without the baby.”

A tear ran down my face, which I was too reluctant to wipe off. “Well then, you go. If that’s how you wanna play it.”

“You think this is a game for me?” Her voice broke. “It’s really not, and it shouldn’t be for you, either. People’s feelings are bound to get hurt—ahem, your families. So, you know what? I’ll be gone and out by the time you guys get up. If you wanna keep playing house with each other, I’d rather not be in your physical presence while you’re doing it. You’re not married and you never will be, and that is the goddamn truth!”

Without thinking clearly, I did something so unforgivable—slapping her, hard across the right cheek. It even took Robert by surprise.

“Lanie…” He came over, holding me to keep me in control.

Tears immediately poured down Gemma’s face, and I’d never seen her look so disappointed or heartbroken before. Only this time, it was all my fault.

“I… I’m so sorry, Gem. I…” Words couldn’t form a full sentence out of my mouth.

She only shook her head. “I hate you,” she said so softly, you could barely hear it. “You’re dead to me, and I want nothing more to do with you. You and Robert enjoy your little houseplaying fantasy without me. And when I get back to my own place, I’ll tell our families about your little love affair and the pregnancy, and there’s nothing you can say or do to stop me this time. They need to know, and they’re better off getting the truth from me.”

Robert glanced at us with sympathy, feeling bad for both of us. He’d seen the closeness of our friendship, and I knew he must feel terrible for having come between Gemma and me over our silly little decision to “play house” with each other. She was right; we couldn’t do it, and we shouldn’t. We weren’t married, and we’d never be. I knew it was only a fantasy. My feelings for Robert were something so strong, I couldn’t even control them. I needed him in my life, as my baby’s father. But maybe that’s all he could ever be to me—the baby’s father. He didn’t have to be anything else besides that. I wasn’t a lovesick Juliet; I was Delaneigh Hylander, a church girl who knew better.

Robert asked, “Gemma, is there anything you want me to do for you?”

She nodded. “Yes, I want you to cut the crap and put an end to your illusion of a perfect fairytale life together. There’ll never be one, as long as I’m here. Can you do that for me?”

“Absolutely. Anything for you.” He didn’t even have the energy to argue with her, and deep in our hearts, we knew she was right.

“Thank you,” she said softly, before officially settling on the couch.

I had nothing else to say. “I’m going to bed right now.”

Without looking back, I returned to my room.