Grahame gazed out of his bedroom window looking at all the other children playing with their friends, playing tig, or hide and seek, it all looked great fun, though deep in Grahame`s heart he knew for some unknown reason he didn`t belong, seeing all the other children running playing made him feel so sad and lonely.
As Grahame was the last one in the family the youngest his brothers and sisters all grown up and leading their own life`s so to Grahame he rarely saw them, though he doted on his brother Richard though as Grahame was the younger one it was the usual thing “Grahame, go away play with your own friends” this was a vibrating sense that he constantly heard time and time again, and eve then wanting to be a part of something special he again felt betrayed.
Parent`s working which had to be done he thought or they wouldn`t have a roof over their heads and food on the table, yet like his other siblings he rarely saw his mother or father due to them both working, as Grahame`s mother was a clippie on the local bus transport and his father working in a steel work industry it was mostly weekends he was lucky to see them both together at one point.
Grahame usually sat on the stairs alone looking at the four walls around him, yet with an innocent mind he could never figure out why he always felt so invisible, it wasn`t that he didn`t feel love from his parents or brothers and sisters, but it was a love that had to be knocked down brick by brick to even see the glow shining through the gaps and Grahame reaching out to hold it, but the feelings came and went, every day.
He was not a lone in the world he did have friends but he could never express what he yearned for, so as ever when he played with his friends close by to his home he knew for those few short hours before going in for the evening that he had to close his mind from the love he wanted, and he wanted to be noticed.
During school time Grahame constantly shut his feelings away into a little box that he stored deep down inside of himself, and another box that shared all the sorrow he also felt that one day he hoped would be broken and all the sadness he felt would disappear and life would be so much better.
At this point Grahame was only 7 years old yet his eyes and mind were always open to what was going on around him, even at that young age when coming home from school with pictures he drew to show his mother and father, and like his friends their parents putting the their drawings up on either the fridge or a wall for all to see, yet when Grahame handed the picture to his mother or father, they showed some sort of enthusiasm and Grahame standing there with an eager to please his parents would smile and say “Oh that`s so good Grahame, well done” and then the hard work he put into that picture was placed on a unit in room and he knew it would eventually be forgotten.
Grahame grew another year older and still nothing had changed, as ever he aimed to please his parents and to show he was working hard at school, and when it came to parent and teachers evening there was always some unknown reason why his parents could not attend, sadly Grahame had to hide his tears and store them alongside the other boxes that where locked away deep inside him.
One day a very important letter arrived in the post, Grahame as ever was eager to help so headed to the letter box to retrieve the letter that was addressed to his parents, standing close by to his mother whilst she opened the letter with careful hands and pulled the letter from the envelope and read it with great eagerness, when her face lit up and she shouted “Richard, Richard, come quickly, we have a letter from our son” as it was a tradition Grahame`s brother was named after his father who was also called Richard.
“What`s to do Julie?” asked Grahame`s father to his mother, there was so much talking going on that he couldn`t keep up with it all, but from what he could work out even at the early age of 8 years old his brother was going on a passing out parade, “He`s done it Richard, he`s now a proper sailor” Grahame`s father grabbed his mother and swung her around “That`s great news” Grahame just stood there looking at them both wondering why, a piece of paper that gave them so much joy about their son, yet when Grahame thought back to the picture he drew and handed it to his mother to him he now knew it meant nothing.
This was Grahame`s life planned out, he felt from the age of 7 he was an out-cast a nobody a child who was there but also wasn`t there, a child who constantly felt invisible to all of his own siblings, as Grahame grew older so did change happen to him, his parents didn`t seem to see eye to eye anymore and he started to witness the other side of his parents, fighting, shouting, and all this grew around Grahame.
Nothing ever seemed the same, at 14yrs old Grahame`s parents separated his father living alone and his mother living with a new partner, Grahame as ever was torn apart and still even at the age of 14yrs old he still remained invisible his parents grew distant from him, again as if he wasn`t there, and Grahame was pushed from pillow to post, there was no stability in his life, again Grahame was a lost soul and still wanting affection from either of his parents he knew by this point it was not to be and would never be.
Grahame, trying to do the right thing by not falling into bad gangs and breaking the law, he constantly shut himself away, his father grew old and weak and fell ill which resorted in his father having a stroke, which left his father paralysed on one side, Grahame trying to be the grown up man he was becoming called for an Ambulance the minute he witnessed the event, which probably saved his father`s life, everything Grahame became from that point on and what he witnessed over the years he pushed that aside, and showed his caring side to help when help was needed.
His father was admitted to hospital where he remained for weeks during his rehabilitation, Grahame was left all alone in his family home, and all his fears came at once, as Grahame needed love and affection to help him over come what was going on in his life, he went to visit his brother and his wife, he packed an over night bag and headed out, on arriving his brother Richard was thrilled to see him, yet his brother didn`t know about his father.
Richard noticed the over night bag, and pulled him aside, “Grahame, I`m sorry bro` but you really can`t stay, it`s not me it`s Dianne” Grahame looked up with tears in his eyes again knowing his was not wanted, yet he accepted this, stayed for tea and left for home, and empty house of bad memories but he had nowhere else to go.
School took a turn for the worst, poor Grahame didn`t get his schooling he needed, as since there was no one to guide him he again felt so lost and alone, eventually out of the blue, there was a knocking at the door, as Grahame went to answer it, slowly opening the door, when he saw standing there no other than his mother, he was shocked, he didn`t now what to say to her as he hadn`t seen her for nearly a year and there was lack of communication between them both over that year, again Grahame thought I was to blame for all that had gone on.
After a few days and his mother reavaluing the situation she decided to take Grahame back with her to where she was living, which to Grahame was the other side of the world, but in general was about a 6 hour car drive, once all packed and Grahame locked up the family home for what may have been his final time, Grahame and his mother left.
Arriving at his new home with his mother he got to meet his mothers new fella, he was a big man but had a kind looking face, once they were settled and having tea his mother stated that she had made an appointment for his new school, Grahame swallowed hard the thought of a new school, and all the new fears of how he could cope, Grahame wasn`t at that point in his life to be able to cope with new beginnings life had already dealt him a nasty start to his life and this was all that Grahame knew was constant failure.
Schooling didn`t go to bad, Grahame fitted in quite well, better than he ever expected, obviously being the new kid had it`s advantages, but again whilst school gained trust in Grahame`s eyes his home life behind the scene`s was boiling up again, as Grahame went to see the local football team most weekends with his mother`s new fella, there had been one weekend Grahame`s mother wasn`t well, so he declined to go to see the football match, this was the turning to what would be another stab in Grahame`s heart, to which he wasn`t aware of, as he could never understand adults talking to him it was a total conspiracy lie`s, cheating, and deceit in all directions that Grahame was starting to fathom out all on his own.
Christmas as looming, and his mother wanted to visit family from where she lived, as they stayed with other members of Grahame`s family and he was thinking it was a passing thing and he`ll soon be leaving with his mother, when his mother pulled him aside whilst having family around to tell Grahame he was no longer wanted, his mother pleaded it was not her choice but her fella`s again Grahame felt his whole world come crashing around him.
From that moment in Grahame`s life, everything went wrong, being fostered and again trying to fit in and make his mark and please even his foster parents and even though his foster parents had their own son`s Grahame once again failed to be apart of a family, years went on, Grahame now in his early 20`s he married and he then had his own family, but from the grace of evil all that was snapped away from him, alone again, sitting in a bedsit, staring at four walls, asking time and time again, why had god forsaken him with being loved from being a child to now an adult.
As they years went by, he finally met up again with his mother, older not to Grahame not wiser, she remarried her very first husband, and again, Grahame`s fears rose from the ashes and his now step father wanted nothing to do with him, and tried to split Grahame`s world in half again, yet this time Grahame bit back stood his ground and fought for what he believed in, it took over 40 years for this to happen but Grahame built the courage to fight against life, and find what should be truly his own “Love”.
Life eventually dealt his mother a bitter twist in life, but now Grahame finding love and woman who loved him for who and what he was, his mother now frail and needed her family, no one in Grahame`s family wanted to know her, yet Grahame ….Held his hand out to comfort his mother and took it on his shoulders to care for her, and Grahame found the job that changed his way of thinking his way of how old folk needed help, Grahame became a support worker on a ambulance service and he did what he knew he was destined to do, help others yet after all the hurt and pain Grahame went through, he finally had a job he loved doing and having a beautiful wife who loved and adored him for that he was.
He proved to his mother, regardless what life through at him even from an early age, he achieved a goal that even his own mother had to admit was his aim in life, yet was she proud, that would be another story.