Blinded by a smile

 Have you ever heard the saying the truth shall set you free? This phrase is no longer just a saying. It's a hard reality for me. Hi, my name is Katt, and life has been good for a while. I have thrived in my career. Soon, the pandemic hit, and life started to slow down. The birds that were chirping started to have no sound.

  The internet soon became the only way to interact with others. It started with a message saying I saw you on my page as someone I might know. A woman as beautiful as you, I definitely would have known. Now I know you must be thinking, girl, why are you talking to strangers? I can hear you screaming now, stranger, mother fucking danger! If you ever see his smile, you will surely know why I took my chance with danger and replied at that time.

 He stood 5"10 with a dark skin complexion and a body built to the Gods. If I were at a casion, I'd bet it all on him and tell the dealer to let it ride. I know looks can be deceiving, though that man was fine; it was not my only reason. As we chatted more, I found out he used to be a preacher. My grandfather was also a preacher, so in my head, I see it as a green flag, thinking he shows signs as a leader.

 He told me he had been single for a while since his marriage ended divorce. He said he had been in his stage of healing. Ask me if I understood that, and I replied of course. I found myself singing tunes What a Man, what a Man, what a Mighty Good Man. I told my best friend that this pandemic may suck, but something good still managed to fall into my hand.

  The day finally came, we decided to meet in person. One look at that smile and I thought to myself, It was indeed worth it. Our connection was magnetitic; I gave in on the first night. Our bodies danced a tango like no other; I was hooked and just knew I had found my one and only lover. Day in and out, we talked endlessly; I remember thinking I finally found a brother who truly got me. He had told me he loved me and I was his everything.

  As the pandemic started to let up, so did the clouds that had me blinded by love. Our freedom was no longer trapped behind closed doors. Suddenly, the phone calls weren't so sweet; if I had others on the line, I was expected to end the call immediately. If a call went unanswered, I got accused of being a cheat, and jealousy crept in slowly, forcing me to see that something as small as the call had turned mandatory. Everything was a problem. Shit was getting wild! It was a problem for me being around my family and even my child.

 Though the pandemic was over, I found myself still trapped, Isolated with no freedom; the love I once had has me now crying out. I know you are saying, girl, why didn't you just leave? I tried that once before, and it surely got me beat. It had me looking for a cover girl, to cover this colored girl so that others wouldn't see the hell I'm living in my world. He said he was sorry; it was supposed to be a one-time thing. If I give him another chance, he promised I would see.  

 I was surely in denial and missed my chance to get out. Feeling shame cause I'm now the fool in the stories I used to hear about. He said he would change, and change, I did see. I didn't see the change in him; I saw the change in me. I was no longer that girl. My crown tilted down, and my mouth would move, but my voice had no sound. I started to lose sight of myself, and that was enough! That was all I needed to say: enough is enough.

 I told him we were over and could not be; I'd rather lose you than see myself lose me. I thought he had enough understanding and love to let me be. Till he kicked down my door and delivered blows to bring me to my knees; body shot, body shot is all that I could see. My fractured ribs pressed down, making it hard for me to scream. I was told to get up and wipe the blood from my face. He then had me take a shower with a grin on his face. I was held captive in my home for 5 hours straight. When he did decide to leave, he left with threats. 

  I called the cops immediately, and they were no help. The phone calls were endless. I had to change my number to get rest, and he then called my job nonstop, and I had to deal with that embarrassment. My co-workers had a field day with that. He would show up in different cars, pop up at all times of the night, emails saying I know you are not home because I don't see any lights. 

  It took twelve trips to the cops before I was taken seriously, emails and calls just to show this man is delirious. It took another 365 days to put him behind bars. Stalking, rape, and assault were the charges. Turns out everything he told about being a preacher was a lie. Turns out he had previously been to prison for murder and other various crimes. The D, A said I was lucky to have my life still. He has been away for two years, and I still can't sleep at night. I am no longer on social media. Something about it now doesn't feel right. I often get asked how a girl like me gets caught up with that type. I tell them, blinded by a smile I had mistaken for a light.