19 comments

Western Drama Fiction

By the time I stepped outside, the leaves were on fire. Soon, there'd be no trace of the man who'd killed me.  



The old oak was Fall-dry and fixing to burn. The flames licked at its bark as though they liked the taste. I just stood there, watering the dirt with my blood, sipping Old Crow from a chipped bottle. Edward Laramy dangled like a messed-up piñata; his dead eyes open in an accusatory fashion. The rope at his throat had turned the flesh purple and burst blood vessels bloomed like flowers beneath the skin of his cheeks. The mob had long high-tailed it out of town, but they needn't have bothered. No one in Salvation would have fingered the trigger over a rat bastard like Laramy. Not even the Sheriff.  



It was hard to say who had taken to lighting the tree on fire after Laramy's lynching. He'd wronged so many, he'd earned himself the title of the Devil's Apprentice. Some adopt such names in the hopes of a reputation that might someday give birth to legend. Edward Laramy needed no such self-promotion. 



There had been a time—when Edward was just a boy—that reports of missing animals got to spreading. One or two caused no concern, but when the list grew as long as a grown man's arm, growing alarm came with it. Alarm gave way to dread when some of the critters were found with their insides on the outside.  



There was relative quiet for a time and the young man's greatest crime was simply airing his lungs in the thoroughfare: telling folks what he thought of them without invitation. But that wasn't enough for his spirit of inquiry. Edward was changing. His shoulders grew broad and his limbs grew thick. His eyes became charcoal-black: a match for his hair. His soul was the same hue. Soon he was nestling up to every lady he saw, it was no matter to him how many winters they'd seen. Or how few.  



The law answered the growing list of complaints by storing him in a cell for the odd stint. Not even the hoosegow could clip his horns. He continued to slake his every thirst—indulge his every need. More than one young lady came forward, testifying to violation and degradation and exposing him for what he was: an agent of evil.  



The townsfolk had had enough. They seethed. They massed. They gathered every pistol, rifle, pitchfork, and shovel they could lay their hands on and came at him from every angle. Cornered and outnumbered, Laramy spat a colorful array of venomous threats into the face of the collective beast. Then he was gone. 



Fate being the curly old wolf that he is, it wasn't long before Laramy met some like-minded folks at the Whistlewater Saloon, not half a day's ride south. In his eyes, his appraisers saw the flicker of Hellfire. And they liked it. He would come to lead those boys on a campaign of horrific proportions throughout the territories. They must have ticked off every one of the Good Book's seven deadly sins in alphabetical order. Then they discovered some that even God hadn't thought up yet.  



Word trickled back of the gang's exploits. There were stories of whole towns laid to ruin—every soul fed to the Earth. And every man, woman, and child in Salvation lost sleep for months on end. It wasn't a question of would he return? Just a matter of when



It was just on dusk when the so-called 'Hellfire Gang' appeared. The siege would go on for days and soon, there were more of Salvation's residents in the Bone Orchard than left standing on two feet. That's when the messenger found me. I thought I'd done a good enough job of keeping to myself. I was wrong. Their detective work rivaled that of the Pinkerton's—they'd been at it for months. Good for them. 



When I blew in, Edward took one look at me and stood his men down. I'd been a fast hand in my day and my reputation was such that more duels were refused than accepted. Edward knew me. He looked deep into my eyes and he saw, not Hellfire, but all the judgment of Revelations. And it was all aimed squarely at him.  



"How about we sit a spell, old man? Take a drink and shoot the breeze a while," he said. 

"Well, I'd like that just fine, Edward," I replied, surprising myself. 



We sat in that empty saloon, enjoying the twang of whiskey and the scent of cigars, looking for all intents and purposes like a couple of long-lost buddies. Moments became hours and our conversation turned to past exploits. I felt as though we were trying to outlast each other—test each other's mettle. I was wrong about that too. For in the depths of that black soul, I beheld the spirit of a child; a child that sought acceptance. Redemption. Love. 



When the mercenaries I'd hired on the way into town arrived and promptly took to murdering Edward's men, I saw a look of betrayal on his face that nearly broke me. I should have borne him no forgiveness. No mercy. No tenderness. But in those black eyes was a glimmer; barely perceptible, but it was there. Was there some humanity left in there after all? If there was, had I stamped it out like last night's campfire?



That's when he shot me in the chest and broke my heart for real. As the gun smoke cleared, I could see Edward staring at me. Reading me like a book; a book he would never fully comprehend. There was regret in that shot: it was off-kilter enough that I was able to rise to my feet and tip my hat to the man—the man who’d finally bested me. He took one more hit of neck-oil before running out into the embrace of that same old beast; the beast that had forced him out of town once before. Only this time, it wanted him strung. 



This here is the confession of Jonas Costlow: occasional drinker and sometime gambler. Husband to a woman who was better than he deserved but too loving to call him out. Formerly Jonas Laramy. Negligent father to the late Edward Laramy: The Devil's Apprentice. 



Please Lord, accept my repentance on the latter. 


October 12, 2020 04:59

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19 comments

Lina Oz
03:46 Oct 16, 2020

Oooh, I don’t think I’ve read a Western on here before! And I'm very glad this is my first, because it's purely awesome. Your control of language, particularly that Western “flavor”, is just superb. Seriously––I started reading in an accent. I love this portion: “We sat in that empty saloon, enjoying the twang of whiskey and the scent of cigars, looking for all intents and purposes like a couple of long-lost buddies. Moments became hours and our conversation turned to past exploits. I felt as though we were trying to outlast each other—te...

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Lina Oz
03:47 Oct 16, 2020

Also, thank you for not writing "all intensive purposes". I just had to compliment you on that.

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JASON PARKER
04:26 Oct 17, 2020

I know what you mean--my personal bugbear is: 'irregardless'. : )

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JASON PARKER
04:25 Oct 17, 2020

Thank you so much, Lina. Your comments really made my day! I love the Western genre and I'm glad this piece worked. These characters were extremely clear in my mind's eye, so it's good to see them out on the page. Thanks again for reading and for your very encouraging feedback. : )

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Molly Leasure
00:39 Oct 13, 2020

Oooh, I like the Western theme you used this time! From how you wrote the prose, I can just picture old man Jonas sitting there beside his son telling us this story. It's grotesque, but you did a spectacular job describing the body of Edward--it gave me chills! I noticed a couple of typos if you're interested in fixing them. If not, just ignore them ;)!! "...and Edward the young man's greatest crime was..." You described Edward twice here, I don't know which one you want :). "...came up with some that God hadn't even thought up yet." Th...

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JASON PARKER
03:35 Oct 13, 2020

Thank you for the pick-up, Molly. I was editing and replacing copies of this story on three different platforms and somehow, I lost track. The version on Reedsy was a draft that I'd failed to update, so thank you for your keen eyes! Thank you for your inspiring feedback too. I was actually feeling a bit 'slumpish' earlier today and your comments have motivated me, as always. : )

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Molly Leasure
04:38 Oct 13, 2020

The amount of times that has happened to me is...overwhelming haha. Multiple drafts are the worst! I'm always glad to be of service! I'm selfishly keeping you motivated simply so I can read more of your stories :)

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Claire Lindsey
17:20 Oct 25, 2020

I love the Western vibe of this story and you're narrator's tough, matter-of-fact voice. Very John Wayne-esque and I really enjoyed it! Waiting until the end to reveal that the narrator was shot and was ALSO Edward's father was a great call. I had never heard the word hoosegow before--what a weird word! I have one wording suggestion that's totally personal preference, so feel free to ignore! I would change "occasional drinker and sometime gambler" to "occasional drinker and casual gambler." It just feels a bit more natural to me, but aga...

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JASON PARKER
09:02 Oct 27, 2020

Thanks so much, Claire. Your comments really gave me a lift. : )

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Ben To
14:03 Oct 18, 2020

Cool story, has an awesome hook!

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JASON PARKER
11:01 Oct 19, 2020

Thanks so much! I really appreciate it. : )

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Patricia Adele
02:42 Oct 17, 2020

Jason, I've missed your works! After finishing mine tonight I was looking you up to tell you it had been too long. Now I can tell you were resting up! Excellent work! The depth of your understanding and knowledge of lost, evil souls is incredible (and a bit unsettling). Thank you for the thoroughly enjoyable read and also for reading my little story

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B. W.
00:33 Oct 13, 2020

Hm, i enjoyed this story and i think i'll just give it a 10/10 :) I hope that you'll continue to make more stories on here, though only when you aren't busy or anything ^^

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JASON PARKER
03:32 Oct 13, 2020

Thank you, Blair Witch. : )

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B. W.
03:33 Oct 13, 2020

No problem ^^ though this is just a Halloween name and it'll go back to normal later. you could just call me B ^^

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JASON PARKER
03:41 Oct 13, 2020

No worries, B. That's a cool idea, changing your name for Halloween. : )

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B. W.
03:42 Oct 13, 2020

Thanks ^^ maybe you should give yourself a Halloween name as well?

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JASON PARKER
03:50 Oct 13, 2020

Maybe using my first initial, I should be Jack O'Lantern? Or maybe Jason Vorhees from Friday the 13th? : )

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