The Flaw

THE FLAW



‘Where are you? It’s past 2 now.’

Christy sent the message on her phone through Whatsapp. She had been texting back and forth with her boyfriend whom she had been waiting for since eleven that morning. 

Jonathan, Christy’s boyfriend, loved playing football and he was so good at it. He started small while in primary school and his skills got better and better through his secondary school. It was during secondary school leagues that he was discovered by several football clubs. Unfortunately, to all the clubs that approached him, he refused to sign up with any of them. He loved playing football but he wasn’t looking into playing it professionally. He wanted to be a mechanical engineer and that’s what he was at the moment.

He never stopped playing football while going through his college studies to be an engineer. He played for one of the community teams and he had been with the team since secondary school. Sometimes he was hired to play games for some teams and he never turned those down because they were his source of money to get him some personal things. One day, he was asked to play for an engineering team during a company social weekend games. He played well as always and scored several goals. He caught the attention of the engineering manager who then asked him to start working at their company. However, Jonathan refused since he still had a year to go with his studies. He was then offered an internship at the company which he accepted. The minute he graduated, the company had offered him a job once again and he accepted the offer. Since then, he had been playing for the company during social weekends and it had been five years since.

 ‘I’m almost home, babe.’

Christy read the message and sighed. She had opted out on going with Jonathan to the social weekend games he was playing for his company that day. She wasn’t a fan of football which was kind of funny as she was in a relationship with a football player and their first meeting had also been at a football game.

Despite not being a fan of football, Christy was surrounded with football fans. Her best friend loved football, her brother adored football and her dad had played football in his youth so he was also a die-hard fan of football. It was with her best friend’s insistence that made her go to the football game where Sara’s church was going against another church that also happened to be Jonathan’s church and he was to be playing. Christy had sat down while waiting for her friend to get snacks from one of the vendors at the game. Jonathan had been doing warm ups with friends as they shot ball at each other and accidentally when he shot the ball to one of his friends, the ball missed and smacked on Christy’s face which caused a nosebleed.

He felt bad and tried to help but Christy refused him and ran away. Later on, Christy discovered that her bestie, Sara, had given her number to the stranger who had shot a ball to her face. Their phone conversation was awkward at first but then it improved for the better until one day Christy found herself willingly going to a football game because she had been invited by one of the players. Needless to say, that was the beginning of Christy and Jonathan’s relationship.

The sound of the gate opening, brought Christy out of her thoughts and she rushed to the door. Martin’s car entered and Christy frowned when Grey, who had opened the gate, proceeded to close it after Martin’s car. She wondered where Jonah was since his car wasn’t there and neither was he in Martin’s car.

“Mula, how are you?” Martin greeted Christy.

(A/N: Mula – Sister in law)

“I am fine, how are you?” Christy replied.

“I’m great.”

“Where is your friend?” Christy asked after greeting Grey who had approached them after closing the gate.

“He didn’t call you? He said he would talk to you.” Martin said and Christy shook her head. She hadn’t received a text from Jonah about anything other than that he was coming home.

Martin took out his phone and called who Christy assumed it was Jonah. They talked a bit before hanging up and Martin smiled at Christy looking apologetic. She knew what was coming before Martin said a word and it still hurt when she was told Jonah had to drop some friends who had a flat tyre at their home. Christy nodded absentmindedly and the two men entered the house while she still stood on the veranda.

Martin and Grey were good friends of Jonah and they were also his house mates. The three men had been living together for three years and Martin played football with Jonah while Grey just supported his friends by never missing important games.

Being in love with a football star wasn’t easy for Christy. It had been a bumpy road for them but as they grew to understand each other, there hadn’t been any pressing issues to lead to their downfall. But a grown woman as Christy knew that her time was running out. She really wanted to tie the knot with Jonah but Jonah seemed to not be ready for that yet. 

Being a star, Jonah was exposed to many beautiful, young and slim ladies who were ten times better than Christy. She was a big curvy woman, beautiful yes, but she still felt insecure.

With a sigh, Christy went back inside and served Grey and Martin food before retiring to Jonah’s bedroom. She dialled her friend’s number the minute she sat down on the bed. Judith wasn’t a fan of her phone since she was mostly glued to her laptop reading online novels. It took two more tries for her to pick up Christy’s phone call.

“Hey, babes, I thought we were calling each other around 8 tonight.”

“I can’t wait that long to talk to you.” Christy sighed and completely lied on the bed.

“What happened?”

Christy didn’t know what to say as her mind went through all her insecurities and her heart became heavier and heavier. She didn’t know where to start from. She debated with herself if she could share this with her friend or not but that thought cancelled itself out as Judith was the only friend she confided in.

“I don’t think I can do this.”

“Do what?”

“I don’t think I can keep on going like this with Jonah.”

Judith sighed and there were some odd sounds on the phone before she replied. “Sorry, I had to move to my bedroom. Now tell me what’s up?”

“We planned a date today; he was supposed to come here after his football game but apparently he’s become a chauffeur for other people. He didn’t even have the guts to tell me about it, I had to find out from Martin. You know this isn’t the first time either. I just don’t understand how Jonah thinks it is okay to cancel plans with me.”

“He thinks it is okay because you’ve never told him it isn’t okay to cancel plans with you without even discussing it with you.”

“What do you even mean by that, Judith? Do I have to tell him that it isn’t okay with me? He should know that it isn’t okay to do that by himself.” Christy groaned in frustration.

“Christy, I’ve told you this many times than I can count now; communicate with Jonah. Be honest and tell him what your heart desires, what kind of man you want him to be, what things you are expecting from your relationship, how much it hurts you when he goes back on his word and talking about being honest, you have to tell him your secret too.” Judith said and Christy shook her head.

“How can you even suggest that? You know I can’t tell him; he’s going to leave me.” Christy now sat up and snapped at her friend.

“Babes, he’s going to leave you when he finds out from someone else other than you about this. Be honest to Jonah and be honest to yourself. When are you going to tell him that you want him to call you a pet name other than your name? When are you going to tell him that he should start using condoms because using withdrawal method stresses you out throughout the month until your menstruation starts? When are you going to tell him that it is not okay for him to cancel your dates? When are you going to tell him that you want to take your relationship to another level? When are you going to tell him that you have a five year old child from your previous relationship? When are you-”

“Judith!” Christy yelled and her friend fell silent. Christy was up and pacing in the bedroom as the words her friend had said kept racing in her mind. 

Christy didn’t only want Jonah to start wearing condoms but rather to stop having sex all at once. She wanted them to wait until they were married because she was afraid of getting pregnant before marriage once again. But whenever she was faced with a horny Jonah, she couldn’t say no as she thought of all other girls who would deliver what she couldn’t deliver to Jonah if she would ever forbid it. 

Christy longed to hear endearing pet names that loved ones called each other; love, sweet, empress, babe, honey, sweetheart, lemon and so many more to choose from. Jonah only called her Christy or sometimes Chris. She would call him dearest, dear, love but he never said it back. To not dwell on the disappointment, Christy told herself it was okay and moved on.

Jonah always said that he didn’t promise people things because anything can happen. Christy however thought that he was just being irresponsible. A promise makes people responsible for their actions as they have to try their best to not break the promise they made while Jonah keeps going back on his word because he’s got no attachment to them. He would say, “I will be there by three” and when the time passes he would say, “It wasn’t a promise so you can’t hold it against me.” And so Christy wouldn’t hold it against him and they still moved on while she chanted, ‘it’s okay’.

Christy wanted their relationship to be more than what it was. She wanted to get married to Jonah, to be his wife and mother of his kids. But Jonah had never mentioned or hinted that he wanted the same thing anytime soon. Christy didn’t know how to breach the subject so she patiently waited for Jonah to talk about it but if she was being honest to herself, she had a very long time to wait if she was to depend on Jonah to say something first.

Then there was the secret. Christy had a child that Jonah wasn’t even aware of even though they had been dating for almost three years. Christy told herself it wasn’t Jonah’s business to know every bit of her past however Judith had been against that for a while now and still, Christy didn’t know what the best thing to do was.

Where would she start from? Wouldn’t she be contradicting herself if she told Jonah to abstain when he would know she already had a child with someone? What if it came out as nagging if she were to ask Jonah to be promising things or to call her pet names?

“I don’t want to lose him and if I were to speak up about my feelings and god forbid about my secret, he would leave me. I love Jonah, very much.” Christy spoke after mulling over things.

“I know you love him and it is because you do that this choice of not being honest is a bad one.”

“You don’t understand that’s why you think otherwise but this is for the best.”

Christy ended the call without even bothering to properly exchange farewell with her friend. She slumped on Jonah’s bed and stared at the ceiling as if it held answers for her.

She mentally prepped herself on how she should react when Jonah got back. She waited until she fell asleep on the bed. When Jonah got back, he had a banquet of flowers and a box of Christy’s favourite biscuits. He woke her up with apologies plus the gifts and Christy’s mind was a mess as it completely forgot what she had planned earlier. She accepted her boyfriend’s apology and gifts and everything was alright again.

A year went by plus another one and Christy and Jonah were still where they were two years ago. Nothing had changed except maybe Jonah’s house as he had now built his own and no longer rented or stayed with friends. He was living on his own and in his own house as well. One would think that was the perfect time to get married but Christy began to learn things the hard way. She was basically doing everything a woman in a man’s house was supposed to do but the difference was that at the end of the day she had to return to her parents’ home.

Judith, Christy’s friend, was married to her two year old boyfriend just the previous month and Christy was her chief bride maid. She was so happy for her friend but she also wished if it had been her in Judith’s place with the love of her life, Jonathan.

“Christy, you are wasting your time with Jonah. A man who wanted to marry you would have never waited this long. He’s working, he has a house, a car and you are working too, Christy. What excuse can he have about not getting married? He is the first born son and his two little brothers are already married so what is he waiting for?” Judith had once again reprimanded Christy a year ago but Christy being her insecure self, she dismissed her friend’s words.

“You wouldn’t understand, Judith. It’s hard for a person like me to find someone who would be interested to marry me. I am a single mother and when men hear that, they think I’ll just be an easy target to sleep with. It truly disgusts me. And not to forget that I’m literary a big girl and men want slim girls like you to date and not curvy girls like me. I love Jonah because not even once has he joked about how I look or comment that I should stop eating certain foods. I don’t think there’s a man out there for me other than Jonah.” Christy had replied to her friend.

“You might love Jonah as much as you’d want but as long as you are not honest to each other, then this relationship of yours is doomed to fail. Being fat or slim doesn’t matter and I don’t believe that as a barrier for you to not move on from Jonah. If Jonah loves you the way you are now then someone else will also love you the way you are so don’t limit yourself to one man.” Judith had yelled and stormed out of Christy’s bedroom that day in fury.

It didn’t take long after that argument for Judith to stop talking about Christy and Jonah’s relationship since she claimed it might put a strain on their friendship and it wasn’t worth it. That is how Christy found herself dealing with all the dilemmas in her relationship on her own. Little by little the strain of it became too much for her to handle.

One day, Christy was sitting on Jonah’s bed while Jonah was in the bathroom taking a bath. It was after their usual marathon of sex and she was too tired to move. She looked around the bedroom and tried to picture her things in the room but nothing came up. She tried to picture herself standing on the altar with Jonah but that seemed farfetched. She tried to picture herself in labour while holding Jonah’s hand but it was surreal. In every picture, she was there on her own.

For a week now, Christy felt tired of the routines she had with Jonah. She realised it wasn’t a relationship at all but rather something that she had to do. There was no longer the excitement a person would feel when meeting a loved one or having sex with your loved one. Everything was just dull and as Christy sat on Jonah’s bed that day while listening to the running water in the bathroom, she realised she couldn’t go on with this lie of a relationship. 

She was tired of not being enough for Jonah. She was tired of feeling insecure about everything where Jonah was concerned. She was tired of looking down on herself. She was tired of the routine relationship she had with Jonah. She was tired of all the lies in their relationship. But as Christy viewed all the flaws in her relationship with Jonah, she realised she was responsible for all the flaws and it was all her fault.

If only Christy had, ……………………………………………..

THE END