Stars

It was the longest night of their existence. They had only been alive for twenty-one years and yet the despair and hopelessness they felt when they gazed at the starry night sky was a pain one so young should never have to face. 

They stared quietly. Not like in the movies when the protagonist yells and screams into the night for all the unfairness in their life. They simply stared and sighed. 

There was nothing they could do but hope like a child on a star. 

I’ve never been able to find the constellations. Maybe that won’t matter for something as outrageous as a wish on a star, they thought as they attempted to find Ursa Major. 

After struggling to remember the lessons of the astronomy class they took in high school, they gave up. 

Tired and frustrated, they crumpled onto the earth. Half-hoping it would swallow them whole. 

They pulled their knees to their chest in an attempt to take up as little space as possible. They wrapped their arms around their knees and buried their face into their arms. They sobbed. 

Choking, uneasy breathing punctured the otherwise silent night. Their body shook uncontrollably. 

Why? 

Why me?

Why did I have to be like this?

What’s wrong with me?

After a few minutes, they stopped crying. They felt nauseous as their anxiety remained even after the emotional release the sobbing had brought. 

Why am I so stupid….did I really expect this to go well? 

They brought their head onto the top of their knees and closed their eyes. 

Not even a second later, they felt the familiar buzz of their phone going off in their sweatshirt pocket. 

Max: Are you okay??? How’d it go??? Do I need to kill anyone?

They smiled as they read the message from one of their closest friends. They rearranged their sitting position into criss-cross applesauce and pulled their hood over their head as the wind picked up and swirled the gravel road not far off from where they were sitting.

Me: Still alive. Not sure what’s going to happen when I go back inside. Might need to stay with you guys if that’s okay.

As they waited for Max’s response, they checked their other messages. 

Mon Garçon: You okay? I’m about to get off work if you want to do a voice call

Me: I’m alive...probs won’t be able to hang out. Basically got a five-minute break from my parents...have to go back inside soon. 

Mon Garçon: moon

They managed a small smile as they remembered what that word meant to both of them now. Their partner had always disliked love as a way of expressing how they felt about each other. And they agreed. The English language didn’t have a way of separating the different kinds and levels of love so to say ‘I love you’ could mean a lot of different things and relied largely on the context of the conversation for its meaning. 

They had suggested they come up with their own phrases and assign a specific definition to it so that they always knew what they meant when they said it. That way it couldn’t be misunderstood. 

Me: we must steal DA MOOOOONNNNN! 

However, that didn’t mean they couldn’t make jokes about it. Much to the chagrin of their partner. As they replied to their partner, Max responded. 

Max: i’ll ask my mom but probably yes

Max: youre lucky we don’t really have any plans today or tomorrow

Max: its what two hours to get here? Have you had dinner? When was the last time you ate anything? And no, eating a box of graham crackers does not count as a meal

Me: that was ONE TIME geez. 

Me: and I broke the news at dinner...so no

Me: i’ll let you know if I need to stay with you guys, not sure what’s waiting for me but I gotta go back

They clicked their phone off and rubbed their eyes to make sure there weren’t any tears left in them. 

They felt marginally better knowing their best friend and partner were only a message away. 

They stood up, dusted off their pants and sweatshirt, and walked back to the house. 

Before they even entered they could hear yelling. They sighed. 

Really don’t know what I expected. 

They opened the door. 

The family dog, Sir John, ran over to them. They were Sir John’s favorite human out of the family. They bent down and gave Sir John a loose hug. They read that dogs didn’t like hugs because they couldn’t escape easily and felt trapped by them. This way Sir John could easily move out of the hug if he wanted to. But they felt Sir John lick their chin as if showing support for them.

They gave him a kiss on the odd-shaped marking on his head and walked into the kitchen where the dragons lay spitting fire at each other. Sir John followed.

“-You Selfish Asshole!”

Well, this is going well. As they stepped into the kitchen, a book went flying and smacked the wall right next to them. 

Immediately, their father turned and glared at them. “How could you do this to our family?! How could you!”

They froze. Sir John growled. Their father marched murderously toward them, clenching his fist as if preparing to beat the life out of them. Sir John growled menacingly. 

Right before their father’s fist made contact with their face, Sir John jumped and tackled their father, pinning him down on the floor and growling right in his face. 

Their mom screamed in surprise. 

They quickly pulled Sir John off of their father and scrambled to find his leash. 

GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE NOW!, their mind screamed. 

They scrambled back to the entryway and hurriedly looked for Sir John’s leash. There was no way they’d leave Sir John here. Not after that. 

They finally spotted the leash poking out under their father’s coat on a side table in the hallway. They grabbed it, knocking everything off of it. 

SHIT!

“Sir John!” They half-yelled at the German shepherd who hadn’t left their side. 

They quickly snapped the leash onto his collar and made a run for it. 

Their father was being helped up by their mom. He was furious. 

Before their father could get any closer, they grabbed the keys to the car their dad owned but they used and ran out the door. 

They haphazardly unlocked it, pushed Sir John in, and hopped into the driver’s seat. 

They quickly typed in Max’s address, put their seatbelt on, and drove away as their parents came running out of the house after them. 

“Well...that was not fun huh.”

They nervously laughed as Sir John shoved his head into their elbow from the back seat. 

“Thanks for that bud. I don’t know what would’ve happened if you hadn’t stopped him.”

They petted his head awkwardly as they drove. Luckily there wasn’t much traffic. 

“Alright, I need to let Max know I’m staying with her until I figure this out. Siri, call Max.”

Siri dialed her number as they kept their eyes on the road. 

“Please pick up.”

“Hey! Are you okay?”

They sighed in relief. “Uh no. I’m driving to your place right now.”

“Oof okay.”

“And I took Sir John with me, hope that’s okay?”

They heard Max chuckle, “That’s fine, he’s met our dogs before so it should be fine.”

“Thanks Max.”

“No problem dude. Do you want to talk about what happened?”

“Well, I told my parents that I’m gay. Which I know isn’t the entire truth but baby steps you know? And it didn’t go over well. My dad was...he looked like he was going to murder me. Sir John stopped him though. He was a very good boy. I couldn’t leave him there.”

“That sucks.”

They laughed, “Yeah. It really does. But hey, multiple-day sleepover!”

“That’s true! We’ll have so much fun! We can have a movie night!”

“Yeah, that’d be nice.”

It was quiet for a minute as the two friends debated what to talk about. 

They broke the silence first, “Well, I should be there in an hour or so.”

“Okay, I’ll be awake when you get here. And I think my mom is making food for you so you can eat when you get here.”

They smiled, “Sounds good. I’ll see you then.”

“Yeah. Bye!”

“Bye.”

The hour went by quickly. They only had to stop once for gas and to let Sir John out. 

They found Max’s house relatively easily and parked on the street. 

“Alright boy, we’re here.”

They grabbed their phone off of its clip and texted Max.

Me: Hey, we’re outside. 

A couple of minutes later, Max herself was running out her front door to greet them. She swallowed them in a bear hug. 

They relaxed slightly as they realized they were safe. For now. 

Max let go. Sir John wagged his tail and waited patiently for Max to greet him as well. 

She smiled as she saw Sir John sitting patiently. 

“I brought a snack for him! He knows some tricks right?”

They smiled, “Yeah, I taught him how to shake, sit, lay down, rollover, and play dead.”

Max held the treat out, “Sir John, play dead.”

At the command, Sir John dropped onto his belly and stuck his tongue out. 

“Good boy!” He sat back up at the praise. 

Max handed over the treat. 

“Let’s get inside, we got dinner waiting for you two.”

They let Max guide them towards the house as Sir John followed beside them. 

They looked up just for a moment before being welcomed by another hug, this time from Max’s mother.

For that moment, they saw the stars shining among the moon and thought, even if the universe doesn’t care what happens to me, at least I have people in my life who do. And that’s all I need.