It Takes Time

October 12th, 

I see her standing in the hall, head slumped, hair loose. Her locker is open and a picture of her holding a first-place trophy. She's smart, I know it. I've known her for years. She's smart, of that I'm sure. But she doesn't think so, you can see it. 

Her head turns, and for a second I think she's turning towards me, so I quickly turn around and pretend like I'm speaking with Theo and Sam. But I can feel her eyes on me. And I want to turn around, I do, but I don't. I know that I can't because there are others around me and they would judge me if I did. So I don't.

October 23rd, 

We're in Physics taking a test when she gets up and asks to go to the bathroom. Our teacher nods, not looking up from his computer, and she leaves. I'm almost done with my test, so I ask to go to the bathroom too. 

The closest bathrooms are a minute away from this classroom, facing each other. When I reach the bathroom, I push open the door and immediately go for the sinks. The cold water I splash on my face relaxes me. 

I dry my face and leave through the door, only to see Alina exiting the girl's bathroom. She walks up next to me and together, in silence, we walk down the hall.

"This test is hard," I say, hoping she agrees. 

Alina crosses her arms across her chest and says, "Not really." Which isn't surprising. As I said, she's smart. And she wants to be a surgeon, so I get that she's into science.

"Well, for you," I grin. "For me, it's just guessing." At this, she smiles slightly. Her eyes are almost glowing hazel and her hair is shiny in the fluorescent hallway lighting. 

"It shouldn't be, you get good grades," she notes. "I mean, that's what I've noticed." A red spreads across her face, which makes me want to sing, but I don't. We continue to walk silently, until Simon and Nicolas come up to me and start chatting with me, forcing me to leave Alina to walk by herself.

October 31st,

A group of high schoolers (including me) planned a Halloween Party for the middle schoolers. Alina and her friends were a part of that group. But she looks different. She's got more makeup than usual and her hair is styled like Maria's hair is.

I keep looking over, and occasionally, I see her picking at the ends of her shirt. She looks skinnier, but I doubt that.

A large group of colorfully dressed middle schoolers are standing in front of us, getting sorted into groups. Two high schoolers per group, eight middle schoolers. And I get sorted with Alina. Don't get me wrong, that's great, but she looks tired.

Very tired.

November 10th,

Alina isn't here at school, maybe it's because it's her birthday, but I don't think she'd want to miss school.

November 24th,

She's missed two weeks of school. I asked her friends what happened but they just looked at me weird and told me she's fine.

And I probably should believe them.

November 30th,

"Hey," I say over the phone. "I know it's voicemail and everything and you aren't really hearing me but I wanted to ask; are you okay? I haven't seen you at school and it's none of my business but, are you? The last I saw you was the day before your birthday and even then, you looked sad.

"This isn't meant to be insulting, but why were you sad before your birthday? Everyone loves their birthday. Just... come back."

December 8th,

She's back and won't talk to me.

December 16th,

We're almost going on holiday and Alina is still here. Her skin is pale and her eyes are shining as much as they used to. But again, as Maria would point out; it's none of my business.

So I don't say anything.

January 1st,

"Happy New Year, Alina!" I shout through the phone. "I'm calling because I wanted to say that and because I hope things are going good for you. See you soon."

February 4th,

We've been at school for sometime now and she has actually said stuff to me. Granted, that stuff was during our group work and she didn't exactly want me, she was stuck with me, but who cares. Not me.

I don't know how, but I can see she's getting better. Stuff happened, but she's smiling more and trying, I guess.

That's good.

March 17th,

I saw her at Rico's party today. Her friend walked into a door and broke some glass, so she was laughing a lot. And apologizing a lot as well.

I walked up to her and asked how she was doing but she just stopped laughing and said, "Fine," before leaving to get away from me.

Progress.

April 9th,

Apparently, her cousin is having a birthday party so Alina won't be at afterschool swimming. She's been missing a lot of those classes.

April 12th,

We were doing this thing for Social Science class and she had to give a speech.

And wow. It was... amazing. Even though she hinted at some bad things about me and this other guy Bee, it was great. She was bowing at the end of it and grinning so wide that losing to her was worth it.

May 2nd,

I'm going to wait for her. As long as it takes. She might not know now that I like her but I have a year to make her see. Hopefully, she'll like me back but even if she doesn't, it'll be okay. (No it won't, I'll be sad.)

In P.E we were playing a softball match and her pitching was so much better than mine. I asked if she could help me, she said yes, and we had a semi-conversation.

I'll say it again.

Progress.

June 15th,

She isn't coming to school today. She isn't going to swimming. She isn't going to graduation in exactly one year.

Why?

Cause she killed herself.