Leave it Behind

“Are we sure this is a good idea?”

“Well, no. Probably not, but the tides aren’t going to get this low again until after we leave tomorrow. It’s sort of the only chance we have.”

“God, I can just see Lane rolling his eyes at us.”

“Really? I was just thinking about how much he would have loved to do something stupid like this. He would probably film it all and make everything into a soap opera.”

“Film? That’s such an old person way of saying record, Mom.”

“Yeah, whatever, put your headlamp on and grab the stuff.”

“Sheesh, coming.”

“Careful, this trail down is kind of steep. Did you wear the hiking boots I pulled out earlier?”

“No, it’s fine.”

“Maia, you cannot be serious.”

“It’s fine! My crocs are in sport-mode. I’ve never slipped once in my life.”

“Oh okay so now we’re just lying?”

“Yep.”

“Even at a time like this. Unbelievable.”

“Believe it.”

“Be careful, I’m serious. It’s so dark out here. I thought that the moon might brighten things up a little bit, but it’s seriously impossible to see.”

“Yeah, the punch bowl is just a little further up the beach though. We just have to get over this big fat rock, and we should be right at the, like, archway that goes in.”

“Do you think the tide is low enough for us to get in? It seems like it’s rising pretty fast and—”

“—shit! I just stepped into a hole of water. God, you cannot be serious right now.”

“He does have a sense of humor.”

“That’s not what I meant and you know it.”

“You’ll be fine. Just be careful stepping off the rock, it’s a little bit of a drop.”

“I know, I know—”

“What? You just gasped like something happened.”

“Yeah something did happen. Oh my god. I swear, Lane has to be like pulling a freaking prank on me right now or something. This cannot be happening.”

“Maia, what? What?”

“One of my glasses lenses just popped out. I can’t see crap.”

“You’re joking.”

“No. My foot is soaked and I’m half blind. I literally cannot believe this right now. Ha! As if tonight didn’t already suck for pretty obvious reasons.”

“Just relax, we’re almost there. Shine the flashlight around to see if it’s somewhere in the sand.”

“There’s, like, grass and stuff everywhere. It’s impossible to see anything and the tide is rising. God, I’m literally going to be legally blind until I get those replaced. Lane would pull some shit like this on me right now. That absolute—”

“Oh! Maia! Right there by the little rock. I think I see something shining.”

“Where? Oh— Oh, thank Christ. I was literally about to freak out. This little piece of crap is staying in my pocket until we get back to the car. Do you think you could lead me the rest of the way, Mom?”

“Yeah, honey, here, take my hand. You still have the bag and everything?”

“Yeah. I’m starting to think it wasn’t the best idea for me to hold it though. If I drop this on myself I’m literally jumping into the water.”

“I wouldn’t even blame you.”

“You say that but you’re laughing.”

“It is a little funny, Maia. Your brother would be so mad.”

“Yeah. He would.”

“See? You’re laughing too.”

“I think I’m just trying not to cry actually. Thank god, we finally made it. Wow… It really is like standing in a giant bowl.”

“The Devil’s Punchbowl. Geez… saying the name makes me kind of second guess our choice of location. Kinda taboo, isn’t it?”

“He would probably like that though. A very edgy and cool place to have your ashes spread.”

“Haha, definitely. Definitely… I remember just last year you were both walking around together right here. He was taking all these pictures for Instagram.”

“He was always doing that. I was gonna get him a camera for his birthday.”

“Oh, that would have been a great gift.”

“Right? Except he would probably use it for evil and take pictures of us at our absolute worst. I can see him doing a whole double chin calendar, or ‘Maia’s Ugliest Moments 2020’.”

“He could be such a turd sometimes.”

“Yeah. Such a turd. I miss him.”

“I know, honey. I miss him too. Should we… say something?”

“Yeah. If you want to. Here Mom, the ashes.”

“Thank you. I just… God. It’s so silly.”

“It’s not silly to cry.”

“No, not that. I just— Now that we’re here, it’s really kind of hard to say it, you know? Goodbye.”

“You don’t have to say goodbye. Here, I’m trying to hug you but it’s so dark out— hah, it’s okay. I know I’m saying that while I’m also crying my eyes out, but it’s okay. I’ll go first, alright?”

“Alright.”

“Lane, Even though I’m blaming you for my wet foot and my broken glasses and you were the most annoying little brother to ever exist I miss you. I wish you were here. I feel like you’d be vindicated in knowing that there’s not a day that goes by that doesn’t hurt because I’m thinking of you.”

“I don’t think there will be a single day for the rest of our lives that we don’t think of you, sweetheart. I really don’t.”

“Are you ready, Mom?”

“Yes. I think… I think so.”

“Okay. I’m right here.”

“What way is the wind blowing? I don’t want to be like that Adam Sandler movie where they accidentally get covered in their coach’s ashes or whatever.”

“Are you seriously talking about Adam Sandler right now?”

“I’m trying to distract myself, Maia. This is not exactly easy. Okay. Okay. I’m gonna do it. Bye, baby. I will see you again.”

***

“Man, crank up the heater please. My feet are absolutely freezing— Mom? You okay? Do you need a sec?”

“Y-yeah. I… I don’t think I’m ready to go just yet.”

“Oh okay. That’s fine.”

“It’s just…”

“Yeah?”

“It feels like I’m leaving him behind.”