Fleeing from the stands

TW NON-CONSENSUAL FATHER-SON INCEST, MENTIONS OF DIVORCE, RAPE AND PHYSICAL ABUSE

Isaac never would have chosen to be there. His dad had demanded he come along, ignoring that that meant someone actually interested in baseball wouldn’t have a seat. Isaac was bored out of his skull, hot, and considered whether pretending to need the bathroom would be a reasonable plan. Nah, too early for that, was the conclusion he arrived at. He stared at the stadium, the empty field, the crowd he'd have to maneuver to leave. How had he ended up here?

Summer was always the worst season for Isaac. His parents were divorced, and his mom wasn't the type to actually show up when she was told, even if the authority she was told to do so by was the family court, so Dad had custody during summers. Mom would randomly drop in, usually with a new beau by her side, hoping to anger Dad, which obviously worked but Dad wouldn't ever show that to her. No, Isaac was the one who had to handle Dad's jealousy, and he wasn’t made for it. Mom didn't give any thought what Dad would do to her son, under the assumption that all men are the same.

Even now, Dad had an arm wrapped around his son, a seemingly affectionate gesture holding Isaac in his seat. Isaac's hands were tapping his legs, which were shaking so if he got desperate, the ruse that he needed the bathroom would seem believable. The game started at some point while Isaac was reminiscing about how he had ended up here. Great. Sooner the game happened, something exciting happened, sooner Isaac could realistically feign distress and sneak out of the arena. The Kiss Cam stole attention away from the firm hand on his shoulder, as the Kiss Cam would never actually film his father and him, instead some couple in their eighties was caught, then what appeared to be a teenage couple (how they afforded tickets, Isaac would never know) and Dad removed his hand from Isaac's shoulder, just as he had when he had been calling Isaac by his mom's name, when…

Isaac stood, unable to take the memory returning while in this public place. He muttered “bathroom,” at Dad, who told him to hurry back, the game would be starting soon, but Isaac ignored the stab of guilt that brought him. People stood to let Isaac through, and soon enough he was out of the rows. The stands of hotdogs and popcorn were entirely unappealing as Isaac dodged people eagerly rushing to the stadium.

He escaped to the streets of Boston and sighed in relief. The city was somewhere he belonged. He had a friend in the city, a few train stops away, who was rarely busy in the summer. Isaac sent his friend a quick text. He wasn’t sure if he would tell his friend what his dad had done. She already knew some of it. Isaac was surrounded by people, the crowd of strangers on the train still more appealing than the crowd from the baseball game, if Isaac had to be crowded at all.

Isaac left the T and walked to the apartment building his friend lived in. He texted again, and she opened the door.

“Isaac! Come in! What's going on, dude? How's it feel to be done with the public school system forever?”

“Feels good, though it would feel better if I had an actual plan for where to go next. Got rejected from everywhere I applied.”

“That's shit, man.”

“Yeah, so’s everything else. Mom came back with another new boyfriend about two weeks ago, and since then Dad's been pretending I'm her.”

“Full-on? Like climbing into your bed and shit?”

“Like when I watched the Kiss Cam at Fenway Park earlier today, I couldn’t stop thinking about how he had kissed me, called me by her name, had me cornered in the hallway, but no, he didn't get that bad this time. Just kissing and y'know, wandering hands.”

“That's fucked. You can stay here tonight if you think you'll be safer.”

“I dunno, he hasn't tried anything in like three days. Except taking me on this Fenway Park date.” As if on cue, Isaac's phone began ringing. Isaac answered it, Dad was worriedly asking where he was.

“You know how I feel about baseball, Dad. I left. I'm at Raven's.”

“Should I expect you to come back?

“Yeah, no, I think I'm going to spend the night.”

“You think you're gonna get lucky? Abandoning your old man to chase some tail?”

Isaac's ability to tolerate his Dad’s bullshit had reached its limit. “Yes, Dad, I'm definitely going to be having sex with her. Raven's decided she's not really a lesbian after all and I'm just the cock to open her up to men.”

“No need to be sarcastic with me, young man. We both know sexuality can be fluid.”

“Yeah, I just didn't want to spend hours staring at strangers playing a sport I hate. That's it.”

“Fine. You're lucky I love you, son. Your grandad would've beaten my hide if I'd shown the kind of insolence you did today.”

“I know. I love you too, Dad.” Isaac hung up.

“Let me guess, he asked if we'd be fucking?”

“You know it. I love you, Ray, but that's not happening.”

“I didn’t think it would be.”

“He also reminded me if he had done what I did, Granddad would've physically assaulted him. As if I should be grateful the only violence he enacts on me is…”

“Being a goddamn rapist?”

“The sexual kind. He didn't actually rape me this time.”

“Oh, well, in that case, I stand corrected.” Raven drawled sarcastically. Isaac crossed his legs, seated on his friend's couch, a pillow between them. The topic of conversation had him extra aware of his body. Raven continued. “Just taking his son out on a date where seeing the freaking Kiss Cam gives the son flashbacks is so different than being a rapist. Silly me, thinking they were at all similar.” Isaac chuckled.

Isaac took the moment they were talking to share his honest thoughts. “Honestly, I mean, it's almost easier when he outright fucking fucks me. Yes, I hate it, but I can forget about it more easily. Whereas with the kissing, like even now I - my mind is measuring the distance between us, how easily I could dart out the door. It's nothing against you, it's just…”

“If your own family will betray you like that, there's no reason anyone else wouldn't.”

“Yeah, that's, yeah.” The pair sat in silence for a moment, Isaac staring at the blank screen across from them. Finally he spoke his mind. “Want to play Mario Kart?”

“Of course, happy to fill your brain with a sport you actually like as opposed to the boring boredom of baseball.” Raven stood to turn the console on, and Isaac finally fully relaxed for the first time since his mom had visited. He wasn't surrounded by strangers or his Dad’s desire. He was with a friend, and her only ask was for his company, provided he tolerated her sarcasm. He didn't have to feign interest here. Raven would likely win, while Isaac would feel like he had won if he ended in tenth or eleventh place rather than twelfth. It may not be a major sporting event the way the game he had abandoned was, but Isaac cared more about what happened in the tiny apartment than he ever would anything that occurred at Fenway Park.